What a joy when husband and wife together make the family a community effort with the goal of building a meaningful, good future for themselves and the children! But reality shows that these are the exceptions. This blog would like to encourage the reader to take a step forward here.
Wikipedia on DUEL and DUETT
DUET
Duo Latin means 'two'. A duet is a musical work by two musicians (ensemble) or two (vocal) soloists. Even in nature there are animals where two partners sing in a duet.
DUEL
Latin duellum means 'duel'. This means a voluntary duel with the same, potentially deadly weapons, where honor disputes are fought according to traditionally established rules. Duels are prohibited in most countries.
It's easy to judge someone else's action if you set your preferences as the default!
Important is:
Don't waste a good conflict!
Recognize the chances of conflict. Every conflict has growth potential. It shows the way to reality and truth and points to something really important. He also shows the need for adjustment, because the situation can quickly lead to improvement and more maturity.
It quickly becomes clear that your own personality has a strong influence on the result when resolving conflicts. The following are some hot questions that you may be able to answer for yourself:
How do you tend to deal with daily conflicts? (LINK)
Do you lose a lot of energy, do you quickly become insecure, lose your balance and do not know how to find a solution?
Can you say NO with kind eyes, even thank you, or ‘the moment is bad’, or do you refer nicely to rules or principles and know how to say the right thing at the right time? EXCELLENT!
Do you have a mature temperament, (LINK)
who has learned to look for the benefits, the truth and thus a good solution in conflicts?
or do you not care, but it is important that you see your honor saved?
What did you build your self-worth on? (LINK)
Is your track record more important than your relationships?
Do you only agree to a conflict resolution when a profit is secured?
Or are the relationships more important to you than anything else so that you do not have any relationship problems?
Do you know the partner's love languages or your own? (LINK)
Could it be that that conflict just trampled on one of the five love languages at the partner?
Was there perhaps too much reprimand instead of recognition?
Was physical or linguistic rigor used instead of tenderness?
Has practical help perished in the conflict?
Which of the following variants did you support in the last conflict? (LINK)
RETREAT? - fleeing the conflict area in a hurry, avoidance announced and everything swept under the carpet?
PUSH THROUGH? - was it about definitely asserting yourself, whatever the cost?
COMPROMISE? - did you try to reach a compromise, where everyone moves away from their demands and comes up to something until the partner is satisfied?
GIVE IN? - was it easier to just give in, to submit and for harmony to forego important things?
COOPERATION? - or did you opt for the best solution in most cases, which relies on creative cooperation and pursues an optimal solution with mutual interests?
Often the roles taken make conflict resolution more difficult. Are you a teacher who is used to being a referee, always being right and therefore used to making decisions for 'subordinates'? Then it is much more challenging to look for a solution together democratically, sensitively, benevolently.
Self-awareness is crucial
We have seen that who we are plays a crucial role in conflict management. Those who live in balance have quickly found a healthy solution. Interesting that this topic is also addressed in the Bible. I particularly like Paul's statement in Ephesians chapter 5 verse 28:
If you love your spouse, you love yourself!
So if I know my deficits and strengths, I'm more likely to recognize them in others. This makes it much easier to solve everyday challenges.
Ask yourself how much you love yourself. If you can roughly answer that and compare it with the quality of love that you show your partner, then this sentence above will be more understandable to you.
Self-love and social competence (LINK)
These two important components determine our quality of life. Anyone who invests here will be rewarded. Our fears disturb us. These should be replaced with positive arguments, namely with love thoughts. Those who base their thoughts on love have good fruits to reap.
In our Christian West, we have also developed Christian values. They can no longer be felt everywhere, but are still very important. Here are some:
Respect your neighbor
Respect your neighbor higher than yourself
Every person is lovable
Together we are stronger
Of course, our understanding of love, be it conditional or unconditional (LINK), plays an important role. Our need for harmony and acceptance can also be very important when it comes to the outcome of a conflict. Here are some key words that can be supportive:
Not all conflicts are solvable
Why not give the humor a little space too?
It is better to discuss at the factual level than at the guilt level
If you can say ‘sorry’, you will help further
Instead of building a wall, a positive basic attitude helps better
Taking responsibility and giving trust helps