The Most Important Thing in Life: Love

For many, love is a feeling. When it is present, we love, when it isn’t, we don’t. Really? Is that it? I think there is much more potential. Let’s see.

"The most important thing in life is love." Some men get nervous when they hear this sentence. But if love is defined in somewhat broader terms, it’s a bit easier for us men to digest. We can love our motorcycles, our gardens, our iPhones, our favorite desserts and, of course, our children. I can also love my job, springtime or a movie. Some people even love books! What good is all my money, the fastest car or the shiniest shoes if I can’t love and enjoy it all with my whole heart and with someone I love? 

What do you think of the following sentence: 

Success in life is when you give and receive a lot of love.

I personally believe that we as humans often have a limited understanding of love. We are much too quick to accept an inferior substitute rather than striving for true love. Imagine a world in which love is given and received on an hourly basis, every love tank is always full and every person’s life is completely in balance!

How do you define love? Is it a strong feeling of affection toward a friend or family member? Or does love always include sexual attraction?

The strongest bond known to humans is love. A couple whose hearts are bound together by love is nearly invincible. The only thing stronger is the love of a mother for her children: it surpasses every other quality found in human society.

What is Love?

Wikipedia: "Love encompasses a variety of different emotional and mental states, typically strongly and positively experienced, ranging from the deepest interpersonal affection to the simplest pleasure. An example of this range of meanings is that the love of a mother differs from the love of a spouse differs from the love of food. Most commonly, love refers to a feeling of strong attraction and emotional attachment. Love can also be a virtue representing human kindness, compassion, and affection—‘the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another.’ It may also describe compassionate and affectionate actions towards other humans, one's self or animals.”

The feeling of love can develop independent of reciprocation. (BLOG)

Unrequited love refers to those feelings of love that are not reciprocated and is not so satisfying.  Interpersonal love, on the other hand, refers to love between human beings and is a much more potent sentiment than a simple liking for a person. Such love might exist between family members, friends and couples.

Subject or Object-Oriented

Love can generally be understood as a strong attraction to other people, animals, possessions, hobbies or ideas. This definition also interprets love as an expression of deep appreciation.

If love is bestowed on a subject, it will be characterized by a healthy respect and noble intentions. However, if love is more object-oriented, it is more likely inclined to use the object for its own purposes and needs. An example could be the relationship between a man and his new car: his ownership boosts his status and prestige. A more tragic example could be a man who is into pornography: when a man is used to seeing women as objects to be used, he will automatically perceive and use his wife in the same way.

Free Will

True love is a voluntary relationship between two people based on their own free wills. True lovers respect each other’s personal space while encouraging and steadily moving toward each other. When it comes to raising children, it is important to develop their free wills and instill good values in them.

The more children understand the privilege and responsibility, of the freedom to make choices based on their own value system (given them by their parents), the greater a blessing they can be for society. In this way, their intrinsic motivation (BLOG) will also be developed and practiced.

Types of Love

Three terms that were used in ancient times to express different aspects of love are still known and used today:

o  EROS – a sensual, erotic love, a strong desire for intimacy with one’s beloved, a desire to be loved, passion

o  PHILIA – friendship, reciprocal love, appreciation and understanding

o  AGAPE – a selfless and supportive love, a love for one’s neighbors (and even for one’s enemies!), which has their best interests in mind

Here are a few more modern terms that help us express and differentiate between different kinds of love:

o  Self Love is generally accepted as the prerequisite for the ability to love others. The negative side of this would be selfishness, which often leads to narcissism.  (BLOG)

o  Partner Love is often expressed through the sexual act in loving, ideally in romantic, monogamous relationships. The validity of the latter specification has, however, lately come under fire.

o  Family Love is the most highly valued form of love, next to partner love. It is the love between (close) relatives (father, mother, children, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins). Friends can also be elevated to family status and treated with the same affection or more than one’s own family.

o  Neighbor Love, or love for one’s neighbor, is often understood as being expressed through charities for the underprivileged, but can really be stretched to include all people. The climax of love, the art of loving one’s neighbor, is found in the love for one’s enemies.

o  Object and Idea Oriented Love are areas that include love for pets and all animals, as well as nature itself with all its grandeur and intricacies. Hobbies, patriotism and one’s personal freedom can also be the object of one’s love.

o  God’s Love is in a class all by itself. It entails His love for His creation and especially for humans. This is where the components of unconditional love Bedingungslosen Liebe are most strongly expressed: indeed, this is their origin.

Many people find the fulfillment and affection they desire in loving their pets, but there is something much better.  It’s a love that heals from the inside out, that can heal every wound and worry, and can change every fear to love. It is ___

God’s Love

"God is love and he that dwells in love dwells in God and God in him." 

The message here in 1 John 4:16 is very special: The God of the Bible has always been and will always be a God of love. We can profit from that if we stay with HIM. That must mean He lets us profit from His ability to love. Have you ever experienced that? 

Just imagine a person: born in No-man’s-land. Parents divorced. Poorly educated. Now grown up, with a huge lack of love. Never really learned what love is. Then an offer is presented: Dear Person, you have the opportunity to replace your deficit with love. The closer your relationship with HIM, the more your fears will be replaced by love.

Paul writes something interesting in his letter to the Galatians. In chapter 5, verse 22, he says, “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness and self-discipline.”

Which of these nine points do you like best? Which would you choose? The good news is that it’s an ALL-in-ONE package! So you can have ALL of these qualities WHEN / IF you live with Jesus.

Do you know anyone that demonstrates the truth of this system? Do you know anyone who has changed for the better since he or she began to work with Jesus and thus began to “eat” of this fruit?

It would be well worth making a blog for every single one of these nine points: the potential found in the Person of JESUS CHRIST is absolutely sensational!

I hope you will find something positive for your life here today. Many people go through life alone with all their burdens and unfulfilled needs, but it needn’t be so.

There is a God who loves His creatures unconditionally and wants to help them, just because they are His creation, and HE is made of pure love. This is an opportunity that no one should pass up. You can even talk to Him, however you can and are willing to do so. He will hear you and react. Don’t miss it!

God says: "Whoever comes to Me, I will not cast away. Draw near to Me, and I will draw near to you." Communication with God is something many people practice, and they receive strength and courage for challenges every day.  Thank God for that!

How Anger can Change to Love

Love and anger are two emotions that can sometimes be found side by side. We often get angry with people we love, don’t we? What is anger really? Where does it come from, and how can it be governed? These and other questions shall be the subject of our thoughts today.

What is Anger?

Anger is an emotion that can disturb and destroy family life. It can lead to conflict in marriage and abuse of children. If anger is not overcome, much misery can be the result. For children, their own anger is a huge threat. By learning to deal with anger constructively, a child’s chances of making it through life well are much improved.

Just for the record at the outset: Anger is not always and in every case bad. Those who work for justice and the benefit and good of others can doubtless experience anger.

When we speak of anger, other related terms also come to mind: violence, frustration, aggression, rage, resentment, and aggravation.  When we speak of love, I think of things like love of self, love for others (altruism) and love for God.

Anger & Co.

Anger is an intense emotional response and is manifested in different degrees of intensity involving a strong, uncomfortable and hostile response to a perceived provocation, hurt or threat.[1] Anger can occur when a person feels their personal boundaries are being or are going to be violated. Some have a learned tendency to react to anger through retaliation as a way of coping. The opposite of anger is meekness or gentleness.

On the one hand, anger is displayed as rage in the heat of the moment, a violent outburst of temper that can lead to uncontrolled acts or words. At that moment, the person is controlled by his/her anger and has no control over his or her actions or words. On the other hand, anger can manifest itself as a prolonged, seemingly justifiable indignation (resentment). Public or mob anger and the wrath of God are known examples. So anger that is ignited by a perceived wrong or unjust behavior is goal oriented and works to manipulate the situation according to one’s own opinions and needs, while rage is more general and tends to fly suddenly and uncontrollably in any or all directions.

Rage, as opposed to normal anger, is preceded by a slight of some kind (deeply unjust treatment) and feeds the growing fury in the individual who is bent on vengeance or retaliation. Anger, however, is fed by some denial of some perceived right or need (an child that doesn’t get the candy in the store; parents who have been disrespected; citizens who are upset by political decisions). The goal in this case is not necessarily revenge, but rather a clear expression of displeasure and dissatisfaction.

Many adults show their anger when they are driving. It’s a good opportunity to let it out, where no one gets hurt but themselves, usually!! If you find yourself falling often into this temptation, you might want to try replacing your angry thoughts with loving thoughts.

Anger among Children and Adults

If we want to pass on a constructive way of dealing with anger to those around us, and especially to our children, it is clear that we must first have learned it ourselves. This is also important within the marriage, which is the cornerstone and basis for all education and relationship in the family.

“Do your homework first, and then you can go outside and play!” Sentences like these can produce anger in children, but when a child has learned to accept boundaries, it will not be difficult to obey this simple rule. If not, the anger could build up inside and surface later as passive aggression. It is important that the parents recognize such problems and get professional help if needed. Happiness and disaster can be a near miss on either side of the question, if the problem is not solved.

Character Training

The way we deal with our anger deeply influences our personal development and strongly molds our characters. When we have learned to handle our anger sensibly, our characters can mature and develop on every level. One important part of this is our ability to deal with authority. This is an issue that influences an adult’s quality of professional and personal life, as well as his/ her spiritual dimension (relationship to God), which is of eternal relevance.

Those who would communicate values to their children have no choice but to give the subject the highest priority; otherwise the risk is high that their values will not be adopted. The individual who learns to transform challenges into constructive opportunities for growth, choosing sensible goals and activities rather than wallowing in self-pity has done his character a great service.

Passive Aggression

A widespread reaction to anger and rage is the destructive passive aggressive behavior. This is a form of payback, whereby the individual (usually) subconsciously does the opposite of what the person in authority has required, for example, parents, teachers, bosses and police. The issues can be conventions, norms and laws.

We can recognize passive aggression when we see that a person’s behavior defies all reason. When you have done everything humanly possibly to change the behavior, but to no avail, passive aggression is probably at the root.

Teenagers especially hurt themselves with this behavior. Being “cool” often means behaving passively aggressive. Today’s teenagers are generally confronted with drugs, violence, crime and sexual contact at an early age, which can lead to serious consequences. The risk of permanent damage is high. These young people need someone to spend time with them: playing sports, riding bikes, climbing, hiking in the mountains, generally a lot of exercise and good mind expanding, frontal lobe strengthening conversations. 

It is very advantageous to prepare for a child’s teenager phase ahead of time. To get through this extremely risky time of life, it’s a good idea to learn about and employ your child’s love languages early on and continuously.

This aggression can also often be observed in adults. Many have no idea about the cause of their anger. Maybe their parents tried to drive it out of them instead of dealing with them positively. Failing in one’s studies, problems at work and changing jobs frequently can all testify to this underlying problem. It can also lead to unnecessary quarrels in marriage.

Important points:

• Anger in children should never be punished.

• Children are helpless in the face of parental anger, which naturally produces either resignation or rebellion.

• The main cause for anger and rebellion is always an empty love tank, unless it’s a problem of physical needs. A child will even interpret this violation as a lack of love.

• A child’s most important daily question is, “Mommy, do you love me?” “Daddy, do you love me?”

• How we handle anger reveals our degree of maturity.

What is Love?

Love is a term that often seems overused and worn out. We all know, “Love is what makes life worth living.” Despite this knowledge, in our everyday lives we don’t make many special efforts in that direction. Somehow we get distracted. What a shame . . .  

Wikipedia: "Most commonly, love refers to a feeling of strong attraction and emotional attachment.”

Love is a strong feeling springing from an attitude of intimate and deep emotional bonds with a person (or a group of people), in which the purpose or benefit thereof exceeds that of other interpersonal relationships. The feeling of love can be generated regardless of whether it is reciprocated or not. Love, which is lasting, and the phase of “being in love”, which is limited in duration, are two different states and must be differentiated. 

Nothing is greater than LOVE! It is the biggest gift we have received from our Creator. He can fill our love tank any time. Those who have discovered this secret are to be envied!!!

How Anger can be Transformed to Love

Anger, hatred, rage and aggravation can make those affected by them not only blind, but also sick. Those who cannot forgive suffer more often from heart disease, depression, asthma and intestinal illness. Bad feelings can also trigger allergies, sleeping disorders and cardiac dysrhythmia.

Positive and Negative Responses to Anger

Both adults and children can express themselves in different ways when angry.  The following escalating forms of anger can show where you or your child stands regarding this.

Negative Behavior (from minor to major)

1. Aggravating and loud

2. Anger expressed in areas outside of the problem at hand

3. Name-calling

4. Additional complaints cited

5. Emotionally destructive

6. Cursing

7. Throwing objects

8. Destroying others’ property

9. Violence

10. Passive aggressive behavior

Positive Behavior (from low to high intensity)

1. Easygoing

2. Looking for solutions

3. Concentrating anger on the actual cause

4. Limiting the conversation to the one original complaint

5. Logic leading to solutions

Going from anger directly to a kiss is more easily play-acted than done for real. An understanding of unconditional love can be of great help.

6 Steps to Transform Anger to Love 

1. Admit Anger

Our pride often prevents us from admitting our weaknesses in the presence of others. Where there is pride, there is trouble. Those who deny and suppress their aggression hurt themselves and their surroundings. Those who allow themselves can think and pray about their weakness so that God can give them clear instructions from His Word. It is extremely valuable to keep the Word present in our thoughts. There are many deep insights that can help us in our day-to-day life.

2. Analyze Anger

"What was it that hurt me the most? Which of my important values was violated?  Which of my rights was questioned? Why am I taking it so hard?" The three main causes for unjustifiable anger are selfishness, perfectionism and an attitude distorted by fear.

3. Put Anger in the Right Words

If possible: before you say anything, try a little prayer before the encounter. That can be enormously helpful.

Aggression and anger are often self-perpetuating. They get shouted and screamed, and are often accompanied by violence. Often one’s partner or the children are shut out. Dishes are demolished, clothes torn, or abominable language is used to terrorize souls. All these things lead nowhere good; they only destroy what has been built up with effort. Therefore, aggression should be expressed, but the right way. Speak in the first person: “I have a problem . . .”; the YOU-style sounds more like an accusation and tends to be unobjective.   

4. Clarify Guilt

Are you really convinced that the other person is to blame? How quickly we forget to take all relevant factors into consideration. Ask yourself, “Where have I erred? In what way did I promote the undesirable behavior of the other?” Those who can recognize and carry their share of the blame in matters of interpersonal wounds, effectively pulls the destructive teeth out the beast called “Anger.” If you begin by declaring your own guilt, it is easier for the other person to own up to their part of the guilt. An old German saying: (Ein Mann ist soviel Mann, wie er Schuld tragen kann) in English according to Terri:

• "The inner stature of a man can vary

• according to the measure of guilt he can carry." 

5. Have Christian Rules of Behavior been Infringed?

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, for this is the law and the prophets,” or "You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Read the rules for life found in the book of Proverbs! In many places in the Bible we can recognize principles for daily living: a careful reading of God’s Word can sharpen our conscience.

6. Decide to Forgive

Forgiveness is the hardest but also the most profitable duty of love. Forgiveness is the exact opposite of what we are naturally inclined to do: get revenge, payback, humiliate the other. Those who forgive not only do others a huge favor, but also themselves. Those who do not forgive harm themselves more. Forgiveness is the crucial key to freedom.

It is surely your wish, as well as mine, that we don’t all just give up and throw in the towel, but that we practice until we become masters at transforming highly uncomfortable situations into positive ones, becoming so to speak, masters of circumstances.

Summary

We have seen that the emotion ANGER holds great opportunities to generate a higher quality of life. When it is handled constructively, an important barrier on the way to happiness has been crossed. Parents who help their children in this area increase their children’s EQ , which helps build a solid foundation for happiness and contentment.

Unconditional Love - The Best of The Best

Unconditional love extends a hand - in any case.

Recommend reading the <Conditional Love - Good or Bad> blog first.

Many people get scared just hearing the word 'UNCONDITIONAL'. The possibility of abuse is raised. You're right. It is not applicable everywhere.

Conditions protect us. In work, in the family, in marriage. As the blog about conditional love wants to show, this component of love is also important.

But when it comes to raising children, promoting social relationships, and maturing a marriage, the path to happiness is unconditional love.

Anyone who receives unconditional love probably gets one of the best gifts that people can give.

What is unconditional love?

Nowadays there is so much talk of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. The term has become an integral part of the alternative media. But what exactly is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE? Actually it is quite easy:

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE is love - without conditions.

Most of the time, however, the mind will not simply agree to do without conditions. “It doesn't work! There must be a reason, a requirement, a condition. " The mind is a brilliant tool, wonderfully suited to help us find our way around life when it comes to the dimensions of space and time, cause and effect.

Just as the mind is needed for conditioned love, it is all the more important for unconditional love. In general, love has much more to do with intellect than with feelings. Many don't like to hear that. The good news is that once the mind is properly tuned, emotions will adjust to it and produce tons of happiness. But if the logic of life is programmed incorrectly, then the frontal lobe is needed, i.e. willpower, to make this correction. This is probably the best investment because it leads to a real quality of life.

You often hear that we should follow our gut feeling. That may go well sometimes. But those who have trained their minds have clear advantages. Because it can be specialized for the balance of mind and soul.