LOVE - the most beautiful of all topics !! How does LOVE show itself in the postmodern world today?
What is love anyway?
If we look into our past, we will notice three well-known terms that denoted different forms of love in antiquity:
EROS - denotes erotic love, the desire of the beloved subject / object, the desire to be loved, up to passion (which creates suffering);
PHILIA - denotes love for friends, mutual love, mutual recognition and mutual understanding;
AGAPE - describes the selfless and supportive love, also the love of neighbor and even the love of enemies, which in principle has the welfare of the other in view.
It is easy to imagine that these meanings and emphases of these terms have changed over time.
The Family Love
In addition to love based on partnership, love between (close) relatives (father, mother and child love) and the love of friends in human communities are particularly important.
A - Mother's love
Pregnancy, and especially childbirth, creates a particularly strong emotional bond for the mother giving birth to her biological children. Mother's love is often seen as the strongest form of love. Developing feelings for one's child is cultural and not biological, as is often suggested. Therefore, the love for different children of your own can also be different. Motherhood is a form of attachment to the child, which can influence the love of a mother both in the case of strenuous care as well as in the upbringing or in conflicts with adult children.
Mostly one experiences motherly love as unconditional, while one feels fatherly love eg. must rather "earn" through good references or outstanding sporting achievements. Mother's love is also culturally shaped. In many cultures, especially in Central Europe, she is socially regarded as "natural", so that a mother becomes a bad mother if this matter of course is violated.
Mother's love is a wise type of love, not just being in love. Mother's love has to be so strong to keep the child alive. Not only do young children need complex care to survive, they also need a lot of care in order for their brains to develop properly. This includes touch, closeness and appropriate emotional and intellectual responses and suggestions.
Emotional intelligence is required to meet these needs. Mothers must recognize feelings and be able to react to them well, always have an eye on what is happening around them and the child, anticipate what the child will need next and plan carefully in advance. Mother's love helps them achieve all of this and feel good about themselves.
Maternal hormones, some of which are stimulated through contact with the baby, promote the feelings we call maternal love: the feeling that we would do anything for the loved one, the desire to be selfless towards them, and happiness and the security we feel when we are with him. Prolactin and oxytocin, for example, are released when breastfeeding and act like a large dose of Valium - you feel calm and safe. Together this results in an intoxicating combination of wellbeing and love. This reward system encourages mothers to engage with their children by rewarding caring with feelings of happiness. These make up a large part of what we call motherly love.
What a privilege for our women; we men can only be amazed. It feels like the pulse of humanity - a process where the future of humanity is decided.
B - The Fatherly Love
Fatherly love is the love of a father for his - also adult - children. It is strongly tied to family forms, gender roles and other cultural and social norms. Legal, social and economic framework conditions can also play an important role (e.g. patriarchy, inheritance law).
Fatherly love does not necessarily include tenderness, but shows strong traits of care and responsibility.
In Christianity ‘fatherly love’ has a special meaning. The biblical father figures in particular (the patriarchs Abraham, Isaac and Jacob) exemplified this love. Then of course the life of JESUS as the Son of his Father in Heaven is very inspiring for us. Through the sacrifice of his Son, God the Father made eternal life possible for us.
Most of them know the OUR FATHER prayer, a prayer that makes us God's children and HIM our Father - what a privilege!
Negative Father Image - Effects
Since the Second World War, the image of the father has weakened in our western world. The latest studies show that children from Western societies who grow up without paternal love have an increased risk of failure and are sometimes very difficult to build stable relationships, develop self-confidence and generally get along in life.
Father's Day wants to honor the fathers as a custom in different parts of the world. Since emancipation has largely weakened its role, it is now all the more important to promote the authority and thus the responsibility of the fathers.
When fathers open their hearts to their children
Through pregnancy, the connection via the umbilical cord, the birth and breastfeeding, the mother experiences love very holistically. Your challenge is to gradually break away from this strong physical connection.
With the father it is rather the other way round. His love has to overcome a certain distance. He has to step into the relationship and open his heart. It follows that fathers are often more demanding, expect more of the children, sometimes play more robustly, tend to fight with the children and are less anxious. Fathers experience and learn by doing, changing diapers, going for a walk in the stroller, rolling around on the carpet. You feel "now I am in a relationship and I shape it". Love emerges in all its sensuality: with hearing, smelling, tasting, touching, caressing and of course with noises, such as the puff on the baby's tummy.
This picture reminds me of my childhood. My father - a roofer - took me to the roof when I was 5 years old. Such partnerships are especially deep experiences!
C - Parental Love - To love the child together
How does a child change the love between a man and a woman? Love enters a new dimension. It is a whole new experience for both of them to love their child together. A new generation is emerging. What a responsibility. It goes without saying that there will be educational disputes. Everyone represents their own system in which they grew up. It is important for both that they orientate themselves towards goals and not insist on being right.
It is important for the mothers to realize that the husband wore the number 1 before the birth of the first child. After the first child he gets the number 2, then the 3 and 4 etc. This is how many fathers feel. It is important for the mothers / wives that they are aware of this and continue to give their husband at least the "most necessary" attention.
It is a mature reaction of the father to devote himself to the child in addition to his wife. Indeed:
If a father shows his love, he invades the classic maternal area. Many women react irritated to destructive.
If a woman defines her femininity and self-esteem strongly through motherhood, she can feel threatened in her motherhood by the well-lived fatherly love. It is important that he does not withdraw, but rather, in the interests of the whole family, is ready for conflict, asserts himself and tries to solve this problem through constructive communication. In doing so, he actively brings his love into play and does not simply take the most comfortable path that would have negative effects on the whole family.
Can that also work after a separation?
This is one of the greatest challenges for parents of all. There are good parenting relationships after the separation. A parenting relationship after the separation is sustainable if the structure of the family still exists.
Is there an independent family love? We actually understand love as an I-relationship. In the family, however, it is a we-relationship. This can be seen in the feeling of togetherness. Two became three, then four etc.
Is love then permanent harmony? Unfortunately not.
The stresses and strains of young families in particular or the differing views on practical education lead to anger, disappointment and anger. However, these strong emotions signal that you are warmly connected to one another. When fathers take responsibility for their feelings here, they show that the family is the place where they belong. Fathers should be self-confident and make it clear that and how they show their love in it.
In the classic family, caring for and earning money is definitely a part of fatherly love. But also beyond that, fathers can get involved much more. If they not only copy the mother, but also actively involve themselves with their concept of love, this can be quite attractive for the wives.
How nice, the family as a cell of society - united and strong together. Unfortunately, often only the dream remains. But sometimes it works. Let's support the family - wherever we can!
D - Childhood Love
"Mom, you are the greatest mom in the whole world!"
The mother, who has heard this beautiful sentence before, will never forget it. For this it is worth sacrificing, foregoing and giving everything. And yet we need to realize that love, when it comes with parenting, is not always a beautiful feeling. It can even cause negative feelings.
As a mother, you get to know love all over again. Many times she would like to kiss and hug the beloved offspring, but sometimes it is closer to holding on and shaking.
On the playground
The boy is very active and would like to try out his skills. So he climbs and romps through his world. As a mom in love you would of course like to conjure up a world out of cotton wool so that the mice doesn't hurt itself. So you stand next to the climbing frame with a halfway good feeling and support the climber as best you can and as inconspicuously as possible, because: “I can do it alone! Mama go away! "Of course things don't always go well and the mouse man always has blue shins and grazed knees. Then mom is there immediately and blows and kisses the pain away.
In the bathroom
Sometimes the child doesn't think much of brushing and washing their teeth. What has to be, has to be. At some point my child will be grateful to me for having to brush their teeth every day. In an emergency, this can also happen reluctantly - despite romping and roaring. If the mom sniffs the calmed child afterwards to show him how good he smells, the child is happy and hugs the mom with a kiss and says: "You are the greatest mom in the whole world!"
"Mom, you are the greatest and the dearest in the whole world!"
