Gifts for Children - ATTENTION - 1

We don't just give gifts for Christmas and birthdays. We are more and more inclined, sometimes even love to give the children joy with gifts whenever possible. We love happy children, don't we? There is some very important information on this subject that is extremely important to us parents and grandparents.

The Challenge

In our western civilization, at least, we are so well off that gifts are a valuable way of bringing joy to people, especially children. We can afford it.

Not only do we know that, but also the advertising and sales industries. Anyone who wants to sell something thinks carefully about how and to whom they want to sell a product. Children are of course a welcome customer.

There are still powerful and superior who allow their rule to be expanded. Whoever wants to gain power over others today no longer needs to wage war. He can try offers with seductive gifts. The ones who are most easily seduced in this regard are the children. They have not yet developed weapons against such seducers. Children can easily be made dependent on gifts that meet their needs.

Such seduction is a particularly perfidious one. It endangers our children and even our lives in this world.

What do we offer our children when it comes to preparing them for a positive future? Statistics say that one in ten students needs psychotherapeutic / psychiatric treatment. A quarter suffers from high blood pressure, extreme obesity, diabetes or other physical illnesses, a lack of concentration, anxiety disorders, and a lack of social behavior.

Apparently we as parents fail to strengthen them, all too often we weaken them. We need help.

2 Basic Needs of Children

The Language of the Eyes

Children are so perfectly natural with their eyes that it is easy to tell whether they are happy, sad, hungry, or angry. We adults learned to hide our feelings. In certain cultures one cannot look one another in the eye. It's a taboo there.

So sweet!! Happy children's eyes are so impressive that the bright children's eyes are often used as an advertising motif in sales. When children get the present they long for, their eyes light up. Children not only speak with their gaze, they can also read our expressions very well. Let us look more consciously at the children's eyes and try to understand them better and better.

1. Basic Need

One of the most important - if not the most important basic needs for children - is the close bond with their mother. If children are left alone, they die within. The mother cannot be completely replaced by someone else.

A child can read the longing for connection between adults and children immediately. It will seek and live out this bond.

Through a strong bond, the child develops the ability to love, which it later needs in order to be able to build happy relationships.

2. Basic Need

Another basic need for children is to practice their learning skills. You want to develop, explore, try out and try out new things. You are totally intrinsically motivated (BLOG) and want to get to know the immediate environment first, later the whole world and want to assert yourself in it. This striving for autonomy needs to be supported and protected.

These two elements of life determine their development. You need both every day, even every hour. The more they are positively accompanied in this, the stronger they can become.

Can you imagine that there could be gifts that could change, even destroy, these two basic needs? If children can build a tower until they finally succeed, what other toys are still needed? Can our children still look for what they need to be happy themselves?

A salesperson is far less interested in supporting the child in these needs than in their own financial gain. Toy advertising is interested in HAVING and not BEING. The more we have, the happier we should be, they say.

Our consumer society ensures that we are focused on goods, on owning. But our family shows us that there are other very important areas in which we should invest, namely:

Warmth, care, tenderness, nourishment, affection and appreciation are part of it. Ultimately, it's about love. How can you give these areas as a gift, pass them on in such a way that it arrives on the other side as real love? Unfortunately, many parents fail to do this. They think they love their children. However, despite all possible efforts, they do not get their love tank filled because their basic needs have not been reached.

Children need the most important gift in order to be well prepared for their life. If this does not succeed, they become victims of our postmodernism.

Why We Give Presents to our Children

Giving is part of social life and confirms the bond with one another. Attention and gratitude are important to us, perhaps also a gift in return with which a business is created.

Purpose-built

The way we give a gift often shows whether it is a behavioral reward or a motivation for certain behavior. We often associate giving with an intention. Performance for consideration. "I'm giving you this so ..." shows that there is an intention behind a gift. The child senses that something is wrong. They may not even understand the words, but the facial expressions and key will tell them.

Children like to accept gifts that are particularly attractive. A gift can be attractive because the gift gives it more recognition among its peer group.

Whoever tries hard to be noticed and admired by a child pursues this intention by means of a gift. Many give something to children so that they will love or like them. Is that good for the child? It shows the parental inability to love the child without intent. Unconditional love is often in short supply (BLOG).

Motivation Fear

Gifts to help children learn better obedience are often double-edged. The parents think that the children are better off with it. Gifts are hidden seduction here. Behind this is the fear that the child will not be able to succeed later. That is why such parents pave the way to success for their children with gifts. But will the children really be successful with it? If there weren't any better methods.

Motivation Independence

With praise, gifts and recognition, parents try to become companions on a partnership basis. Parents do not trust their children to sometimes find their way alone. This world must be opened up to children so that they learn to get to know their talents and to experience how they can use them even without adults:

Feeling responsible for animals and people, including things, is an important experience. It develops confidence in self-competence (BLOG). This is shown in the special ability to apologize once if necessary. That would be an educational compliment.

Motivation Money

Children receive gifts from everyone who wants to please them. But also from those who want to influence their lives. It's not about sympathy, but making money with children and thanks to them. It's not about doing good for the children. It's about using the art of seduction optimally so that the cash register is full. Often these child seducers are not recognized. They don't give the gift to the children themselves, but the adults buy their products such as toys and confectionery. This is one of the most perfidious machines of seduction in mankind.

Two Examples

“What tastes sweet is good,” say the children. Sugar usually has a negative impact on the brain. It makes them think they are happy now thanks to dopamine. Candy makers know that. Almost all foods contain sugar. The children like that. Whoever buys these kinds of things makes himself the stooge of such seducers. Often, 'healthy' foods also contain sugar.

Colors in themselves are another attractant. Colorful, shimmering products attract. If movement, tone and shine are connected with this, then the child is at the mercy of it. A smartphone or tablet is hard to beat. The children are immediately enthusiastic. No chance for parents to protect them from such attraction. It is almost impossible to withhold them from them as they are available everywhere. Withholding them makes them even more attractive. A big challenge!

A ball to play with, a cat to stroke and then lots of nature. That is healthy.

Giving is part of social life and confirms the bond with one another. Attention and gratitude are important to us, perhaps also a gift in return with which a business is created. Tit for tat!

Children also learn to give from us. Especially if that is also part of their love language (BLOG), then they can go a long way.

Unfortunately, too many children are heavy confectionery consumers. The Parental Challenge: What Could Be a Good Replacement? Maybe a game or story together?

Colors in themselves are another attractant. Colorful, shimmering products attract. If movement, tone and shine are connected with this, then the child is at the mercy. A smartphone or tablet is hard to beat. The children are immediately enthusiastic. No chance for parents to protect them from such attraction. It is almost impossible to withhold them from them as they are available everywhere. Withholding them makes them even more attractive. A big challenge!

Continuation follows

Thoughts from the book by Gerald Hüther and André Stern “What do we give our children”

Fear Less – Step by Step

It touches everyone, some more, some less. Here are some tips and tricks for dealing with fear.

The Problem

Most of us know that regular exercise and balanced nutrition are keys to increasing our wellbeing and making us more stress and fear resistant. If only we would put our knowledge into practice! Instead, we often let ourselves get overwhelmed by our many duties and responsibilities and put our health on a back burner for later. It’s no wonder so much fear, stress and depression result, impacting and infecting increasing numbers of individuals.

It is interesting to note that fear is often associated with the future, depression has its roots in the past and stress is especially produced in the present. Are there solutions to be had that don’t require medications?

A Case Study

After a tough day at work, John made his way home through extremely trying traffic. Arriving home after dark, he rushed into the house and greeted his wife hastily on his way to the shower. His two children were playing in the living room, but John had no time for them. He was hungry and looking forward to dinner.

While he was eating, his wife, Bea, was fidgeting. "What’s up?" he asked a bit impatiently. "Your mom is worried and would like you to visit her some time.” "I can’t. I have bigger problems to deal with right now. My boss blew up today!" "Can’t you think of somebody besides yourself? And what about your children? They have been looking forward to spending time with you this evening!" "Nag, nag, nag! You don’t work! So you have time for them!"  Both parties were losers in that exchange.

Little Yolanda entered the room and gave her daddy an envelope. "Can’t you see I’m busy talking to Mommy?" John stuck the envelope in his pocket and Yolanda began to cry. Her mother started to stick up for her and John escaped to his room knowing he was in a losing fight. He had lost control of his emotions.

While he was getting undressed, he suddenly had the envelope in his hand. Yolanda had drawn him a picture and had written, “I love you, Daddy,” with a heart next to it for emphasis. John’s stomach cramped, realizing he had made a terrible mistake.

The question that crystalizes out of this example is: What is the most important thing in life? Our fears often lead us into dead-ends and destructive situations in life that we would never choose ourselves, if given a rational moment to think it through. Therefore, it is imperative that we look our fears in the eye and work them out. Right?

Children are usually the victims. They have too little experience and intellect to understand and process all the difficult situations they experience. No wonder so many find themselves struggling for emotional survival! The challenge for us as adults is to find ways to help these children break the cycle of fear.

Thoughts are Powerful

As you may read in the blogs on toxic thoughts (TOX1 - TOX2), our thoughts are a cofactor to health. Those who can control and regulate their own thoughts are at a distinct emotional advantage. That, however, is easier said than done.

A short refresher:  Our thoughts can influence our immune systems, which in turn influence our probability of getting cancer, lower our life expectancy, increase the time needed to recuperate from sicknesses, depress our moods and, consequently, decrease our social competence.

People who make positive thinking a habit get more out of life. Those who carry lovely pictures of the past around with them, who see difficulties as a part of a bigger, nicer picture, and who can speak well of yesteryear definitely do their approximately 70 trillion cells a huge favor. A similar advantage is produced when the future is contemplated with happy confidence.

The most important point to consider undoubtedly revolves around how we think about ourselves. If we regularly compare ourselves with great personalities (stars in the media), we will always lose. We need to learn to value our own talents and skills, but neither these nor our achievements can be the basis for our self-worth, or we will soon be in grave danger.

Of course, nobody can ALWAYS think ONLY positive thoughts. The death of a loved one is inevitably followed by a period of mourning. People of faith have a distinct advantage here: their time for grieving is normally shortened and eased by the hope that carries their thoughts beyond the grave. 

The human brain is absolutely sensational! Each person’s entire life is stored within those three crucial pounds of gray matter. So it is beneficial to understand how it works, or better, how it can be influenced for the good. What is the role of the frontal lobe (BLOG)? The amygdala? How can my lifestyle improve (or damage) brain function? These are important questions, but they seem more important to me, now that I know some answers.

Fear

Fear is a constant companion in life. It’s something like a “gift of creation”. We have also received tools to deal constructively with fear: experience, reason, self-awareness and especially love, which is the opposite of fear.  

Caroline

When Caroline was five years old, her father left her and her mother for a younger woman. One of the consequences of this move was that her mother had to get a job, and Caroline had to go to a day care center. It was not easy for her mom. She often complained about her meager financial circumstances. Having already lost her daddy, Caroline worried that her mother could also leave her (fear of loss) (Verlustangst) and her fear of the future grew with her awareness of life. She began to expect tragedy. She developed a negative pattern of thought that would surely accompany her into her adult life.

There are diverse kinds and shades of fear. From general phobias to panic attacks to fear of loss to posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), their roots can all usually be traced back to some devastating

Causes of Fear

Nature presents us with some beautiful examples of how animals overcome fear. It’s quite amazing when you consider the size of their frontal lobes as compared to ours!

Many fears are transmitted to children through their parents. Fear of failure, feelings of guilt, irrational fear (like of mice) and personal instability because of feelings of low self-worth can all produce huge deficiencies in children. People generally have little knowledge of their own fears and coping skills.

The main cause for all fear, as I see it, is a lack or loss of love. Love is the best medicine for fear. Where love is lacking, fear grows. Where love, security and appreciation are put into practice, fear must retreat and diminish.

That is easy to say, but where can you get love without stealing it? (BLOG) People who have a hard time dealing with life are often tempted to develop coping strategies such as power, pleasure and/or pride. When you get right down to it, these are all really just substitutes for love. The choices of counterfeits available today are as numerous as the stars.

Dealing with Fear

The symptoms of a fear disorder are often first seen after a stressful event. At those times, it would be advantageous to know how to best deal with them. Here are a few suggestions:

> Share Your Troubles

Having someone you can talk to in times of trouble is truly a gift. The investments you make in your family, friends and community will prove their value in times like these.

> Relax

Every person has developed his or her own way of relaxing. For some, it’s a walk by a river, for others, it’s listening to music, hanging around, reading or painting pictures. Find your way, and do it.

> Breathe Deeply

When people are afraid, they breathe shallowly. Breathing IN and OUT slowly, deeply and thoughtfully several times can bring balance back into a difficult moment. Afterwards, it will be easier to think clearly and rationally.

> Eat Healthy

But what is healthy? There are HUGE discrepancies in what is promoted as healthy nowadays! Let me summarize my humble opinion in a nutshell: The more natural, the healthier. Please check out the blog called NEWSTART .

> Self-Help Groups

In many towns there are self-help groups where you can share your troubles with and learn from others. These are especially helpful if you don’t have friends or family who understand your issues.

> CBT: Thought Stopping

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a good method for many for managing fear and intrusive negative thoughts. As soon as you recognize an undesirable thought, consciously STOP it by turning your thoughts to something positive and desirable. Refuse to dwell on toxic thoughts.

Other options for those who need extra help include asking a doctor for assistance. Pharmacological solutions are sometimes unavoidable.

> Our Creator Can Help

o Style Your Life:  Life is a challenge. Causality, or the question of why things are the way they are, along with questions about our vulnerability, our own and that of our relationships, occupy our thoughts day by day. In order to arrive at the wisest of conclusions, it would be beneficial to ask our Creator these questions personally. He has all the answers. For this reason, many Christians read the Bible. In it they find sensational, deep, psychological bits of wisdom that make life worth living. Living life with HIS values leads to more quality of life and love. Are you interested in an example? Ephesians 5:28 says: He that loves his wife loves himself! Think about that for a moment. What could it mean?

o Stay in Touch:  For example, Christians go to church regularly. They think and feel and act in each other’s best interest, which strengthens their feeling of community. Together they are strong!

o Contact the King:  Please allow me to make one of my favorite suggestions: Take a moment, three times a day in a quiet place, to get in touch with God. It is not important that you feel like it. Just make a decision to do it and don’t let anything distract you from it. Tell Him what’s on your heart. If you are attentive and willing to learn, you will experience how His voice speaks with you through your conscience. 

Many people pray only in a dire emergency, when there’s no other way out. That’s sad. We could have so much more. God invites us to come directly to Him. He promises to reward us when we do. In the Bible, that’s called a blessing. That’s the best key.

Unconditional Love - The Best of The Best

Unconditional love extends a hand - in any case.

Recommend reading the <Conditional Love - Good or Bad> blog first.

Many people get scared just hearing the word 'UNCONDITIONAL'. The possibility of abuse is raised. You're right. It is not applicable everywhere.

Conditions protect us. In work, in the family, in marriage. As the blog about conditional love wants to show, this component of love is also important.

But when it comes to raising children, promoting social relationships, and maturing a marriage, the path to happiness is unconditional love.

Anyone who receives unconditional love probably gets one of the best gifts that people can give.

What is unconditional love?

Nowadays there is so much talk of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. The term has become an integral part of the alternative media. But what exactly is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE? Actually it is quite easy:

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE is love - without conditions.

Most of the time, however, the mind will not simply agree to do without conditions. “It doesn't work! There must be a reason, a requirement, a condition. " The mind is a brilliant tool, wonderfully suited to help us find our way around life when it comes to the dimensions of space and time, cause and effect.

Just as the mind is needed for conditioned love, it is all the more important for unconditional love. In general, love has much more to do with intellect than with feelings. Many don't like to hear that. The good news is that once the mind is properly tuned, emotions will adjust to it and produce tons of happiness. But if the logic of life is programmed incorrectly, then the frontal lobe is needed, i.e. willpower, to make this correction. This is probably the best investment because it leads to a real quality of life.

You often hear that we should follow our gut feeling. That may go well sometimes. But those who have trained their minds have clear advantages. Because it can be specialized for the balance of mind and soul.