Gifts for Children - ATTENTION - 1

We don't just give gifts for Christmas and birthdays. We are more and more inclined, sometimes even love to give the children joy with gifts whenever possible. We love happy children, don't we? There is some very important information on this subject that is extremely important to us parents and grandparents.

The Challenge

In our western civilization, at least, we are so well off that gifts are a valuable way of bringing joy to people, especially children. We can afford it.

Not only do we know that, but also the advertising and sales industries. Anyone who wants to sell something thinks carefully about how and to whom they want to sell a product. Children are of course a welcome customer.

There are still powerful and superior who allow their rule to be expanded. Whoever wants to gain power over others today no longer needs to wage war. He can try offers with seductive gifts. The ones who are most easily seduced in this regard are the children. They have not yet developed weapons against such seducers. Children can easily be made dependent on gifts that meet their needs.

Such seduction is a particularly perfidious one. It endangers our children and even our lives in this world.

What do we offer our children when it comes to preparing them for a positive future? Statistics say that one in ten students needs psychotherapeutic / psychiatric treatment. A quarter suffers from high blood pressure, extreme obesity, diabetes or other physical illnesses, a lack of concentration, anxiety disorders, and a lack of social behavior.

Apparently we as parents fail to strengthen them, all too often we weaken them. We need help.

2 Basic Needs of Children

The Language of the Eyes

Children are so perfectly natural with their eyes that it is easy to tell whether they are happy, sad, hungry, or angry. We adults learned to hide our feelings. In certain cultures one cannot look one another in the eye. It's a taboo there.

So sweet!! Happy children's eyes are so impressive that the bright children's eyes are often used as an advertising motif in sales. When children get the present they long for, their eyes light up. Children not only speak with their gaze, they can also read our expressions very well. Let us look more consciously at the children's eyes and try to understand them better and better.

1. Basic Need

One of the most important - if not the most important basic needs for children - is the close bond with their mother. If children are left alone, they die within. The mother cannot be completely replaced by someone else.

A child can read the longing for connection between adults and children immediately. It will seek and live out this bond.

Through a strong bond, the child develops the ability to love, which it later needs in order to be able to build happy relationships.

2. Basic Need

Another basic need for children is to practice their learning skills. You want to develop, explore, try out and try out new things. You are totally intrinsically motivated (BLOG) and want to get to know the immediate environment first, later the whole world and want to assert yourself in it. This striving for autonomy needs to be supported and protected.

These two elements of life determine their development. You need both every day, even every hour. The more they are positively accompanied in this, the stronger they can become.

Can you imagine that there could be gifts that could change, even destroy, these two basic needs? If children can build a tower until they finally succeed, what other toys are still needed? Can our children still look for what they need to be happy themselves?

A salesperson is far less interested in supporting the child in these needs than in their own financial gain. Toy advertising is interested in HAVING and not BEING. The more we have, the happier we should be, they say.

Our consumer society ensures that we are focused on goods, on owning. But our family shows us that there are other very important areas in which we should invest, namely:

Warmth, care, tenderness, nourishment, affection and appreciation are part of it. Ultimately, it's about love. How can you give these areas as a gift, pass them on in such a way that it arrives on the other side as real love? Unfortunately, many parents fail to do this. They think they love their children. However, despite all possible efforts, they do not get their love tank filled because their basic needs have not been reached.

Children need the most important gift in order to be well prepared for their life. If this does not succeed, they become victims of our postmodernism.

Why We Give Presents to our Children

Giving is part of social life and confirms the bond with one another. Attention and gratitude are important to us, perhaps also a gift in return with which a business is created.

Purpose-built

The way we give a gift often shows whether it is a behavioral reward or a motivation for certain behavior. We often associate giving with an intention. Performance for consideration. "I'm giving you this so ..." shows that there is an intention behind a gift. The child senses that something is wrong. They may not even understand the words, but the facial expressions and key will tell them.

Children like to accept gifts that are particularly attractive. A gift can be attractive because the gift gives it more recognition among its peer group.

Whoever tries hard to be noticed and admired by a child pursues this intention by means of a gift. Many give something to children so that they will love or like them. Is that good for the child? It shows the parental inability to love the child without intent. Unconditional love is often in short supply (BLOG).

Motivation Fear

Gifts to help children learn better obedience are often double-edged. The parents think that the children are better off with it. Gifts are hidden seduction here. Behind this is the fear that the child will not be able to succeed later. That is why such parents pave the way to success for their children with gifts. But will the children really be successful with it? If there weren't any better methods.

Motivation Independence

With praise, gifts and recognition, parents try to become companions on a partnership basis. Parents do not trust their children to sometimes find their way alone. This world must be opened up to children so that they learn to get to know their talents and to experience how they can use them even without adults:

Feeling responsible for animals and people, including things, is an important experience. It develops confidence in self-competence (BLOG). This is shown in the special ability to apologize once if necessary. That would be an educational compliment.

Motivation Money

Children receive gifts from everyone who wants to please them. But also from those who want to influence their lives. It's not about sympathy, but making money with children and thanks to them. It's not about doing good for the children. It's about using the art of seduction optimally so that the cash register is full. Often these child seducers are not recognized. They don't give the gift to the children themselves, but the adults buy their products such as toys and confectionery. This is one of the most perfidious machines of seduction in mankind.

Two Examples

“What tastes sweet is good,” say the children. Sugar usually has a negative impact on the brain. It makes them think they are happy now thanks to dopamine. Candy makers know that. Almost all foods contain sugar. The children like that. Whoever buys these kinds of things makes himself the stooge of such seducers. Often, 'healthy' foods also contain sugar.

Colors in themselves are another attractant. Colorful, shimmering products attract. If movement, tone and shine are connected with this, then the child is at the mercy of it. A smartphone or tablet is hard to beat. The children are immediately enthusiastic. No chance for parents to protect them from such attraction. It is almost impossible to withhold them from them as they are available everywhere. Withholding them makes them even more attractive. A big challenge!

A ball to play with, a cat to stroke and then lots of nature. That is healthy.

Giving is part of social life and confirms the bond with one another. Attention and gratitude are important to us, perhaps also a gift in return with which a business is created. Tit for tat!

Children also learn to give from us. Especially if that is also part of their love language (BLOG), then they can go a long way.

Unfortunately, too many children are heavy confectionery consumers. The Parental Challenge: What Could Be a Good Replacement? Maybe a game or story together?

Colors in themselves are another attractant. Colorful, shimmering products attract. If movement, tone and shine are connected with this, then the child is at the mercy. A smartphone or tablet is hard to beat. The children are immediately enthusiastic. No chance for parents to protect them from such attraction. It is almost impossible to withhold them from them as they are available everywhere. Withholding them makes them even more attractive. A big challenge!

Continuation follows

Thoughts from the book by Gerald Hüther and André Stern “What do we give our children”

Helicopter Parenting – Causes and Effects

There’s no place like home! The value of families cannot be measured. Their importance for society and our future is unfathomable! Today we are going to talk about a subject that for many seems to be difficult to understand: “How can all the good things I do be damaging?” Here we are challenged to take a critical look at ourselves in the mirror. As hard as it may be, it will be well worth the trouble.

Too Much of a Good Thing

Why is it a problem when fathers and mothers try to be perfect parents?

They do everything for their children, protect and care for all their needs.

They’re called helicopter parents, because they hover over their children like helicopters. Helicopter parents have a bad reputation. Why is that?

Now we’re going to try to deal with a subject which most parents believe only pertains to others.

Origin

The term „HELICOPTER PARENTS“ was first used in 1969 by the Israeli - American Psychologist Haim Ginott. It didn’t become well known, however, until around the year 2000. Some people don’t like the term and prefer to call them “parents who want to be perfect”.

Important question:

How much care and monitoring is good for children? When is too much proximity counterproductive? How great is the pressure on parents to do everything right? How great is their fear of failure?

Examples of Helicopter Parents

• A mother who goes to university classes with her adult son

• A mother who drives her 16-year-old, overweight daughter to her school, instead of letting her walk the 15 minutes

• A father who goes to court in order to get permission to go on a class outing with his children

• Parents who take their daughter to the doctor because she is never sick

• Parents who act like their children’s employees, always at their beck and call.

Really!

Don’t we all want the best for our children? And isn’t that the reason we worry about them and how they’re developing from time to time? Isn’t the helicopter gene, or at least part of one, hidden somewhere deep inside every one of us?

Many fathers have little time for their children. When I taught elementary school, I found out that when fathers take time for and interest in their children’s schoolwork, the children’s motivation to learn in school was greatly improved. This behavior is desirable, but how much of it is healthy?

Wanting what’s best for our children is a good thing. The only question is, what is the BEST way to express that care? Our motives are an important factor here. Self-reflection can help us make good decisions.

As we investigate scientific studies and speak with experts on education, we come to the interesting conclusion that it would sometimes be better to question our own behavior rather than laughing at others.

Even back in the olden days, when our grandparents were children, some parents were worriers. Since then, however, some basic changes have taken place. Sociologist Frank Furedi compared letters written by parents to family counseling type magazines from those days to our day and recognized a significant difference. „When you read the letters from the 20s, you get the impression family life was completely normal.“

Parents only asked for counsel for specific questions on raising their children, for example, thumb sucking, jealousy and nail biting.  Today, on the other hand, parents tend to make mountains out of molehills. The reason for this is that parents today lack parental serenity and self-confidence.

Frank Furedi: „Many mothers and fathers seem to be completely over challenged by the huge number of difficult questions they are confronted with.“ Their letters reflect this great need and often sound like cries for help.

In Switzerland, 15-20% of the parents are of the helicopter style and raise their children to be dependent on them. In my opinion, from the perspective of a teacher, this problem is just as dangerous as gaming and social media. (BLOG)

Changes in Society – the Causes

Experts cite three societal changes as being responsible for this new trend:

1. Prosperity

According to psychologist Jürg Frick, the trend toward smaller families and prosperity are major factors contributing to the spoiling of children, with them having too many possessions, and their parents having more time to spend with their children than was the case in the past.

2. Pressure

One German analysis commissioned by the Konrad Adenauer Foundation states, “Today most people believe that couples should only have children if they can take GOOD care of them. Pressure to educate our children, from toddlers to university levels, is so popular because our family values have been adjusted to match those of our competition oriented economy.

3. Fear

Many experts like Frick or retired professor of education Margrit Stamm of the University of Freiburg speak of the spirit of our time as a “culture of fear”, in which parents place their children’s safety above all else.  

We are doing well, actually, VERY well. Perhaps too well. Our development since the eras of the World Wars and the monumental changes between Generations X, Y and Z have been so rapid, that each generation claims difficulty in understanding the others. Additionally, fears have also crept in. Especially fear of loss (BLOG), which is a fear that can leave huge scars from early childhood. How long can we keep up this ever-increasing tempo before something gives?

Characteristics of Parents Who Want to Be Perfect

Three attributes characterize the intentions of these parents:

1. They promote and support their children above and beyond the call of duty.

2. They spoil them by fulfilling nearly every wish and removing every difficulty.

3. They are continuously occupied with thoughts of their safety.

Statistics

Where typical helicopter parents are located and how many exist are questions that have not yet been sufficiently researched. However, it is supposed that they are mostly to be found in the educated middle class. “About half of all well situated parents are more than likely helicopter parents”, estimates Mrs. Stamm. They are also more likely in cities than in the country.

According to Josef Kraus, author and former president of the German Union of Teachers, the proportion of helicopter parents is approximately the same as the other extreme, which is parents who neglect their children (laissez fairs parenting).

In the year 2017, economists from the University of Zurich arrived at 19% for Switzerland. In the USA, the numbers are considerably higher. Because the discrepancy in wages is much greater there between the highest and lowest earners, it is supposed that wealthier parents push their children to greater achievements, in order to spare them the disadvantages of their poorer counterparts.  

Effects of Helicopter Parenting

Since this style of education continues to spread, it would be good to consider what the consequences might be. What could be so bad about it? We certainly don’t think parents should be careless and negligent!

Experts believe that such children grow up to be helpless, maladjusted, and severely psychologically as well as physically disabled adults. „Neglect, ignorance and lack of interest are less damaging for the soul of a child than that type of narcissism (BLOG), which wants to see its offspring happy and successful, in order to experience itself as competent.” (Jesper Juul, Danish family therapist, in the news magazine Der Spiegel)

These children often fail, in spite of their intelligence. What they have not learned is endurance and frustration tolerance. As soon as they see difficulties, they are quickly stressed and unable to deal constructively with them.

Safety measures are taken before school begins. It is a major challenge for the child to blend in at school. Complex learning problems can arise and the school psychologist is often needed.

The fact is that many children and young people today suffer with psychological and sociological problems. One study from 2015 (Stiftung Juvenir  - Juvenile Foundation) recognizes about half of all children and youth in Switzerland as being often or very often under stress or overly challenged with their daily lives. This is, of course, especially noticeable in school, where they experience social achievement expectations for the first time.  

Children of “perfect“ mothers are more accommodating, yet aggressive, unsure of themselves and have more difficulties with concentration. In addition to monitoring and protecting their children, helicopter parents will typically encourage or send their preschool children to all kinds of special courses to develop their skills at an early age. These children often have three weekly classes, from private lessons in academics, designed to help them get a head start in school, to music lessons and sports. In the short run, their results in school may be better, but in the long run, they are five times more likely to have to repeat a class later.  

Children should not be able to read and do math before they go to school. If they can, school will be boring for them. Where there is no motivation, there is no learning. Parents should keep this in mind.

Activities that match the level of a child’s skill, alone or in a group, are well suited to boost a child’s self-confidence.

Social media and gaming addictions (BLOG) are among the most dangerous activities because they destroy motivation, which leads to anti-social behavior and impairs the ability to learn.

Educating for Independence and Responsibility

Children who often play alone and depend on their own imaginations, often seem to be more socially competent, empathic and creative. If we always show them how to play with their Legos, they will tend to become passive and will wait to have something dished out to them. They become dependent on external stimuli and expect applause.

Experts recommend that parents give their children enough free space to allow their intrinsic motivation (BLOG) to develop. A child’s feeling of self-worth (BLOG) should not be too tightly bound up in achievements and relationships.

Of course, in early childhood, children are very dependent on their mothers. But raising children to independence is a goal that should be continuously considered every step of the educational way. True love for one’s children will teach them responsibility, not dependence.

When children learn the collective responsibility of running a household by learning to do their part, and to do it with a smile, because they understand the value of fellowship, then parents will have reached a worthwhile goal. Taking responsibility for an animal or for a personal garden is great for character development. Letting the children help with cooking or laundry is also a sign of responsible, thoughtful education.

A child that can apologize without being pressured into it is a child that has learned a sense of responsibility. The parents of such a child can rest assured that their efforts are beginning to pay off and will be seen in other areas as well.

Check Your Own Motives

The reason why we do something or not has a huge impact on the results. Whether hidden FEAR or true LOVE is the driver, this will have an effect on the methods of education we use. Do I do this or that because I’m afraid of what the neighbors might think? Can my child cry when the neighbor might hear it? Or do I have to be Superman in order to feel well and content?

Parents who communicate clear boundaries (BLOG) and let their NO remain a NO, may experience some resistance in the beginning, but when their children are grown up, they will harvest much praise and love.

Replacing Hyperanxiety

Fear for a child’s safety is justifiable, even necessary, in certain situations, like when they’re learning to cross the street in traffic. But when children are doing something they can and should be able to manage themselves, parents should exercise reserve. Children need to learn to estimate risk for themselves. If I pick up my two-year-old every time he falls down, he will expect me to do it for him when he’s 18. Can my child handle scissors? Has he learned to fall down in a way that will cause the least damage? Can she play alone without falling into an attention deficit crisis?

It’s not always easy to reach children on their level and understand how they think and feel. With older children, it’s important to develop a culture of conversation, in which parents and children try to understand one another, find solutions and implement new ideas together (Family Conferences).

Overcoming fear is an important educational goal. The better I as an educator am able to overcome my own fears with loving thoughts and principles, the more beneficial it will be for my children. In childhood, identification and imitation are powerful learning behaviors, but the opportunities for learning by trial and error should also be appreciated and taken advantage of.

Closing Thoughts

The word “education” comes from the Latin “educare”, meaning “to lead out.” Where do we want to lead? Whether we intend to or not, we always lead in the direction from where we are. Where are we?  Sometimes it’s good to take a step forward in the right direction, in the direction of independence and responsibility.

Hope

Helicopter parents are basically interested in doing what’s best for their children. For this reason, they may be sufficiently motivated to make some necessary changes in their systems of education. Everybody makes mistakes. If we can learn from our mistakes, we won’t have to continue making them.

I wish you a barrel of endurance and a bouquet of success.

Ernst Zwiker

Quelle/Source: Das Schweizer ElternMagazin, Ausgabe September 2018

Dealing with Social Media – for Parents and Teachers

Everybody does it, some hourly, others seldom. The older generation tends to use only the bare necessities, while the younger set exploits every function available.

What do parents and teachers need to know about it?

The Foundation

Our lives are built on relationships. Agreed? A person who has no satisfying relationships will have difficulties finding meaning in life. People are tightly connected in relationships by mutual love, appreciation, influence and trust. When our ability to connect to others through relationships wanes, our potential to get the most out of life also weakens.

Gaining Understanding

It is a huge challenge for parents to put themselves into their children’s world and try to understand them. Modern technology and information science is especially difficult because they grew up with a totally different set of parameters.

Children want to win and gain as much as possible. Wherever there is a benefit to be had, that’s where their attention will be.  Whether it be sports, cards, computer games or other exciting amusements, as long as they’re having fun, children will not stop until their parents set a limit. Such limits may be based on values, principles or rules. These are becoming more and more important in our digital society today and must be consciously implemented in order to safeguard children’s psyches from the ever-increasing danger of damage (see BLOG). The traditional games that parents and grandparents grew up with were usually played in a social context and were beneficial to a child’s emotional intelligence and brain function. Computer games hinder and destroy frontal lobe function proportionately to the time spent playing them.

Although computer gaming is more dangerous for the brain than social media, the risk of addiction there is also quite high. On the other hand, using the Internet as a research tool is a good thing.

If you have set up house rules regarding computer usage, for example, after 8:00 pm all screens should be turned off, it would be a very good idea for parents to follow the same rules. When children see their parents following the rules, it helps them identify with them.

Everywhere But Here

The amazing variety of attractions and distraction are so tempting that young people are drawn to them like magnets. In the process, they lose interest in their own social circle, and family relations suffer. Just as people who eat the same food every day would eventually become malnourished, those who spend too much time with media will lose their abilities to interact socially with real people.

Example

I once met a young man who came to visit his sister, who was a student at our mission school.  When I asked him why he would rather stay in his room than come over to get to know the student group, he replied that it would be much too complicated. Dealing with his internet forum and playing computer games was much easier. There he had everything under control.

Nothing I could say or do would convince him to leave the safety of his world and join ours, where the challenge of meeting new people was just too much for him to handle. It made him nervous to think about what others might be thinking of him. Life was much easier in his room alone with his computer.  

Distorted Perception

Since smartphones have come on the scene, mishaps on children’s playgrounds have multiplied. Mothers used to go to the playground with their children and talk to other mothers while keeping a watchful eye on their children. Now their phones are their constant companions and their attention is absorbed by messages, surfing and clips. Time passes faster than perceived, children move faster than expected and accidents happen.

The digital world is developing so quickly we can’t keep up with it. Many users are beginning to develop into a kind of reactive machine. When an impulse comes (beep), they are progressively less able to control their reactions. They allow themselves to become victimized. They don’t want to turn the phone off for fear they might miss out on something.

Studies have shown that people who put their phones into flight mode at night, but don’t turn their phones off, have less restful sleep. Subconsciously, a part of their brains stays active, waiting for a chance to react. Sounds interesting, right? This is not the case with everyone, but according to the evidence from sleep laboratories, more often than not.

Missing Contact

Family interactions and ties are eroding slowly but surely, and it’s the children that suffer most because of it. Their unsatisfied need for the undivided attention of their parents drives them to look for it through media (BLOG). However, this is about as effective as artificial light for a plant that needs sunlight to survive.

In contrast to parents building relationships with their children, the businesses behind social media offer them a false feeling of independence, unlimited time and space, relationships with people in far away places, shopping around the clock, interesting movies and an endless supply of pictures and entertainment. What a sensational menu to choose from! With all these positive points, it’s easy to accept ads and other unwished extras. The additional stress is hardly even noticed.

Monitor Development

The older set among us can still remember a time when our attention was often focused on the inner processes of life. Today many are so caught up in the rush of technological progress with their attention so tightly stretched over a plethora of subjects, that they have no time to tend to the gardens of their souls. As a result, their inner lives becomes like a desert.

As time goes on, teachers need increasingly more training in order to be able to deal with these children. They need to know how to teach children and youth how to take care of their brains.

The oft-mentioned 3-6-9-12 rule, in which children under 3 should not watch TV, those under 6 should not have their own digital game station, children under 9 should not have Internet access and those under 12 should not be admitted into the world of social media, does not take the individual development of children into consideration.   

Here’s a golden rule of thumb: The longer you can avoid these omnipresent toys, the better!!! Ignore all the newest apps for two-year-olds that are recommended to enhance your child’s learning curve.

Children don’t need any digital learning devices before they enter school. (BLOG) The more NATURE, the better. When children are introduced to the inner workings of the microcosm of nature, their motivation to learn is strengthened (BLOG). This has a positive impact on their learning behavior in all subjects.

Appeal

We must never forget that our children’s futures and wellbeing depend on our wisdom and foresight. If we as parents and teachers don’t take the time and effort needed to understand how these things work and don’t create solutions, we put our whole society at risk. If things continue as they are now, we will reap the harvest in the form of a huge crisis. These were the final words of a presentation I attended by a famous neurologist speaking to an audience of parents and teachers. Relational skills and social competence are rapidly declining. This development paints a dismal future indeed.

Dear Reader! Something has got to be done! Let’s do it!

Mindfulness!! Do You Mind??

You have probably heard the term “Mindfulness” or “Mindful Meditation”. If not, you may soon encounter it. Many magazines are taking up the subject and raising readers’ awareness of it. There are some very interesting and important reasons behind this development, which I would like to share with you.

One Example

Let’s say your child comes home from school and says: "Mommy, today we did something funny: we had to put our feet on the floor and, with our backs straight and our eyes closed, we had to think about either our left hands or our right ones. It wasn’t easy, but it was fun." How would you react as a mother? What strange new methods is the teacher trying out on your child?

What is meant by “mindfulness”?

Conscious self-observations, sharpening one’s senses, pausing to breathe deeply, getting out of the daily grind; these are some goals of mindful meditation.

Mindfulness in this sense means focusing one’s undivided attention on whatever is happening at the moment. The idea is that all five senses should experience and accept the situation as it is, without judgment.

In previous blogs dealing with emotional intelligence, we learned that self-awareness is an important skill on the way to social competence (see BLOG). This aspect of mindfulness is positive. But soon a critical point appears:

Besides learning to accept and care for themselves, students of mindfulness learn not to criticize or evaluate anything. Everything they discover, whether feelings, things or people, should be observed as if it were the first time. They are not to judge or use any previous knowledge, only to observe the moment. To my mind, this sounds a little bit like, “Turn off your frontal lobes!” (see BLOG ).

A mindful meal might include questions like, “How does the tomato smell?” “How does the food feel on my tongue?” “What does it taste like?”

Does that sound nice to you? In our modern, over-stressed world, and even in our classrooms, mindfulness is very trendy. What significance does it carry and what is important for parents to know?

The teacher says, “Put your feet flat on the floor. Keeping your backs straight, lift up your shoulders. Now let them fall. Place your palms on your knees and close your mouth and eyes. Now, let’s think about our hair.”

Children learn to consciously observe themselves and practice self-awareness in order to live in the present and find peace within. It is said that adults benefit physically by doing these exercises, and their tendency to become stressed declines. Neuroscience has now also begun to take interest in this subject, which has been long practiced and promoted by eastern religions.

The Roots of Mindfulness

The idea of mindful meditation has its source in Buddhism and is called Vipassana. It concentrates on four areas: body, feelings, mind and objects. Meditation is an important component of both Buddhism and Hinduism, but both take it a few steps further than just meditation.

I can change who I am and become unique. This is the point of all meditation and can be easily shown in one well-known yoga technique.

Yoga is not a type of gymnastics, but a tool in Hinduism, used to reach a state of “enlightenment”. The breath serves to open a passage through which the effects of the exercise may be compounded. This is an open invitation for any and all spiritual entities and influences to enter. Because of the danger that it can lead to depression and psychosis, schools of medicine recommend that those with weak psyches abstain from its use. Christians believe there are not only good but also evil spiritual powers. These should be avoided and shunned. To allow evil entities entrance is indeed dangerous. Therefore, it is my personal opinion that this practice is dangerous for everyone.

Danger

Since self-awareness is an important factor in the Biblical-Christian tradition, it is seen as a dangerous weakness to give up one’s presence of mind and sense of responsibility for any reason. In light of the constant stream of temptation trying to draw us away from a relationship with our Creator, it follows that an alert, strong and highly active frontal lobe (BLOG) is vital. Everything that weakens it may be perceived as perilous.

Discovering the divine within us, or thinking one is actually God has been the main strategy of the enemy since the Garden of Eden. From a Christian point of view, we cannot save ourselves. We can, however, deceive ourselves! Religions that teach that we can save ourselves are in clear opposition to the biblical concept of grace and justification by faith. The idea that we can save ourselves not only shows a lack of humility, but also promotes the development of a narcissistic, self-centered personality.

On no account should we allow the supernatural to influence our free will so that we can no longer make our own decisions. God never uses force. He wants us to use our power of choice. God is love, and true love can only exist where there is freedom!

People who choose to follow mystic, spiritualistic religions risk experiencing a negative supernatural influence on their lives. The Bible calls it demonic. For example, they might hear voices telling them to execute some rash act. The next step could be possession.

Jesus redefined LOVE. Just imagine the host of angels watching the cross, amazed at the depth and breadth and length to which love could go, that the Creator of the universe would die for us! How awesome is that?

My Suggestion

As parents, we should be cautious if our children come home with such ideas. We should, as the saying goes, “nip it in the bud.” Once children get used to this kind of meditation, they might be more likely to participate in more advanced forms and practices later. Talk to their teachers about it and find out if they have studied into the subject and understand the hidden dangers therein. Communicate your opinion and boundaries.

How can children be taught protective values? Through 'valuable' stories.

Successful bookworms start young! Reading or listening to good books can do a lot toward forming a child’s values. Children who grow up with the privilege of good literature have great advantages.

You can strengthen your children’s value systems and protect them by telling them stories from the Bible. Every believing Christian family should spend some time together in devotion and quiet time concentrating on their Creator’s love. The experiences and information given the children at these times will be a great help to them. They may be able to take what they learn into their school life. In this way, you could say they take Jesus with them.

I’m sure not everyone shares my opinion on this subject. When we look at things through the eyes of the Bible, many things look different. It says that shortly before Jesus returns, deception will increase greatly. We need an alert mind in order to stay on the path of life. I wish this for you with all my heart.

Ref: Eltern Magazin 4/18

Raising Kids in a Digital World - Toddlers

Children learn amazingly quickly, especially from each other. Their intrinsic motivation is a gift that must be carefully guarded and kept on the right track. In this venture, the most important thing to keep in mind is the desired destination. The following information should help you to reach your goal.

Examples

Petra, 15 months old, is sitting in the shopping cart with her eyes riveted to her mom’s iPad. She is oblivious to her surroundings and doesn’t notice when her mother pushes her passed her favorite cornflakes.

Leo, 8 years old, turns on the TV when he gets home from school, and it stays on until he goes to bed.

Alicia, 13 years old, loves her smartphone and texting. Last month she sent over 3000 text messages. That makes about 100 each day.

These kinds of examples are becoming more and more common. Some parents realize their family time is nearly non-existent. Spending time together doesn’t seem to be a serious alternative to the world of media.

The Good Old Days

Back in the old days, life was different. We used to go outside and play. We learned how to win and lose in a social context with our friends. We also learned how to empathize and think about each other’s needs. Today, fear of kidnapping drives many parents to keep their children indoors.

Sometimes the older generation surprises us. Playing chess and other games is like fitness for brains and can keep older brains young.

Toddlers

How can we heal our world, or at least the part of the world that involves our children and families? Studies show:

The less a child is exposed to the world of media the better

Children under the age of two show absolutely no advantages from the use of media. At that age, they should be discovering their three dimensional world and developing their five senses; taste, smell, touch, sight and hearing. It has been shown that when small children watch a children’s program like Sesame Street, which would be fine for older children, it has a negative influence on their language development. 

Language is best developed through personal communication

Generally speaking, there is a direct correlation between a child’s ability to speak and the time his or her parents spend in communication with him or her. When parents watch TV in their children’s presence, the children are cheated out of their parents’ attention and an opportunity to develop their communication skills. When there is always some program running in the background, a child’s ability to concentrate is reduced. This is also true of their cognitive abilities, memory and reading comprehension. 

Watching TV just before going to bed has a negative effect on our quality of sleep and thereby influences our whole next day. Reading a good book is the best way to wind down at the end of the day.

A child’s bedtime is a time of great potential. If a child goes to bed happy, positive results will be visible the next day. Giving your child your undivided attention at bedtime (see BLOG) will fill his or her emotional tank with love, generate inner peace and ensure a good night’s sleep.

More Suggestions

Avoiding the television will undoubtedly cost some effort. A biblical principle states that bad things cannot just be rejected, but should be replaced with something better. A child will quickly become accustomed to the convenience of watching television or playing video games, but the advantages produced by more creative activities will more than justify the extra effort.

Here are some ideas for creative activities:

Drawing: You can put a big drawing pad or even a roll of old wallpaper with some colored pencils on the floor. Kids love this kind of art, especially when one of the parents is nearby.  

Cardboard: You can use cardboard for countless projects. Build a playhouse, paint it, cut it into interesting pieces of art, make telescopes and binoculars with empty paper towel and toilet paper tubes. These are just a few suggestions.

Kids’ Cupboard: Choose a special cupboard for the kids and fill it with various household articles like cups, spoons, cans, bowls and other things they can use to copy you and “work” with you in the kitchen. Children can actually help in the kitchen and household earlier than we give them credit for. It will take a bit longer, but they will learn and develop a good sense of value by being able to help.

Water: Water games are always well loved. When the weather permits and it can be done outside in a small tub, that’s wonderful! Sometimes it’s enough to have a big cup and a small cup to pour back and forth or you may find some little leaves or pieces of wood that float. If you start something and make it look interesting, your child will join you with gusto!

Toy Box: If you make it a habit to exchange the toys in the toy box regularly, so the children don’t always have EVERYTHING to choose from, they will be more interested in their older toys longer and will look forward to the element of surprise in their toy box. In this way, a toy that hasn’t been used for a time can suddenly look more interesting.

Store: The experience of shopping can be brought into the child’s realm and enjoyed repeatedly, at no cost to the parents. You just take a few objects from the household, set up an improvised store with an entrance, a bell and a box for the cash register, some marbles, pebbles or shells for the cash and invite the guests to come shopping. Children love this kind of play acting, especially if you will be their customer and buy something from them.

Depending on the time of year, you can go exploring together. Where do animals like to hide? What do they eat? What do they like to do all day (or night) ? Discovering and studying the secrets of nature is a good way to strengthen your child’s (and your own) frontal lobe.

When children are very young, it is advisable to avoid all media. They get into it much too quickly anyway, especially if they have older siblings who are allowed this and that. The older children should be well informed of your rules and should also take active measures to guard the little ones.  

We now know that a child’s brain should not be confronted with digital media before the age of 9. That would be ideal. Of course, we also know that reality challenges us to do it earlier. In that case, clear rules and the consistent enforcement thereof are needed and would be best for the children.

That will be a subject for later.

Wishing you a cozy week. J

Ernst