Everyone experiences loneliness. But most learn to deal with it. How does it work?
Loneliness is an oppressive feeling and difficult to take. Especially in the Corona crisis, where many people have to go into self-isolation, feelings of loneliness can spread, often combined with deep melancholy and sadness.
Lonely people do not only exist in pandemic times.
Where does loneliness come from?
How far can it make you physically sick?
What can you do about loneliness?
1. What Actually Is Loneliness?
Loneliness is the feeling of exclusion, lack of belonging, and emotional isolation. Typical feelings of loneliness are sadness, dejection, helplessness, hopelessness, boredom, inner emptiness, self-pity, longing and despair.
Subjective feeling
Loneliness is an inescapable experience of every person, but it is experienced differently depending on the life situation and individual character. Therefore loneliness is a subjective phenomenon and not to be equated with actual loneliness or social isolation: There are many people who are often alone, but do not feel lonely!
Conversely, people with a lot of social contacts in family, work, school or social institutions can also feel lonely.
Social contacts are sorely missed
Affected people experience and evaluate the inner separation from others and the extent of their social ties as negative. They perceive the subjectively lacking social contacts as painful, because this usually follows a
lack of
Recognition,
Confirmation,
Appreciation and
affection.
Those affected want to be noticed, but they have difficulty establishing a mutual relationship. They find it difficult to overcome their isolation on their own.
2. Characteristics of lonely people
Often, the following characteristics are found in lonely people:
You see yourself very differently than other people would describe you,
are very self-critical
consider failures more than successes,
justify themselves defensively,
are afraid of rejection,
devalue their counterpart,
adapt excessively,
quickly withdraw into themselves,
are introverted or have less developed social skills,
often show pessimistic, irrational and action-paralyzing thought patterns or basic attitudes.
However, not all of these qualities lead to loneliness! Good social connections and support networks can take care of such people.
Conversely, people with completely different character traits are often lonely. This can happen, for example, if they suddenly lack suitable networks or if they have had drastic negative experiences in dealing with other people.
Chronic loneliness
Loneliness manifests itself in different ways: There are people who are only lonely for a certain phase of their lives, to those who are resignedly and hopelessly lonely. In this case, it is called chronic loneliness.
To the lonely, the world can look like a lonely island. Everything is so boring and uninteresting.
3. Where does loneliness come from?
Loneliness does not inevitably arise when good social relationships diminish or even lack. Some people are also satisfied with little contact.
Loneliness develops when we are involuntarily alone or have the feeling that the existing social relationships and contacts are insufficient.
At the same time, lonely people are often ashamed of their situation, which can drive them even further into retreat and resignation.
Loneliness occurs in every age group: children, teenagers, young adults, middle-aged people, and the elderly. These people lack companions, sympathy and friendship.
4. Factors that can cause loneliness
Single-person households
The increasing number of single households forces involuntary solitude. Especially when people feel lonely while doing this, being alone seems to be associated with an increased likelihood of mental illnesses such as depression or anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Aging society
Our good medical care means that people are getting older and older. At the same time, the birth and marriage rates are falling. The elderly are often not necessarily part of the family because relatives live in other cities, for example, or do not value close family contacts.
In addition, especially in old age, poverty or health problems make it difficult for people living alone to participate in public life.
The older, the greater the likelihood of getting lonely. Those who then have achieved inner maturity are doing quite well. Easier said than done, however. So please think of the elderly around you. Especially on holidays like Christmas.
Changed communication behavior
Communication is changing through social media. Some people communicate actively with virtual contacts, but their direct contact with real people is often lost through this.
Only children
If the parents are heavily involved in work or are single parents and offers from kindergartens, schools or clubs cannot compensate for the parental absence, some only children become lonely. Changing kindergarten or school can also make children lonely if they find it difficult to make friends.
Unemployment or switching to retirement (pension)
If work ceases, colleagues and a structured daily routine are suddenly missing. At the same time, those affected have to limit themselves financially, which is why they withdraw even more. In the long run, this can lead to loneliness.
Diseases
Especially chronic illnesses, cancer, depression, psychotic disorders and dementia can leave those affected lonely.
Critical phases of life
Difficult times such as puberty, separation from life partner, loss of close relatives, old age, change of residence or job can promote feelings of loneliness.
Bad experiences
In some cases, loneliness is also self-protection because people have had bad experiences with society. Anyone who is bullied, for example, is on the boss' s hit list (bossing) or has experienced other marginalization experiences, can sometimes get lonely.
Exceptional circumstances
The Corona crisis is an extraordinary situation and requires limited contacts at the moment. In addition to private contacts, this also prevents professional care for risk groups: Outpatient clinics are partially closed, psychotherapeutic consultation hours are canceled or are only possible via video, self-help groups do not come together. This can cause or exacerbate loneliness in vulnerable populations.
For some, loneliness is a very difficult phase in life. At least there is still nature where you can make friends.
5. How can loneliness make you sick?
Do people get sick from loneliness or can they even die from loneliness? The fact is - chronically lonely people are at higher risk of:
chronic stress
Cardiovascular diseases
sleep disorders
dementia
depressions
Anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorders
Suicidal ideation
As a result, the likelihood of premature death ultimately increases. In part, this may also be related to the fact that lonely people pay less attention to themselves and thus live more harmful to their health. They eat less well - lonely children become increasingly obese, for example through substitute meals. Solitary people also smoke more often.
As health data show, lonely people also see a doctor more often and are more often in inpatient treatment - among other things because of psychosomatic illnesses such as back pain.
It becomes problematic when loneliness is accompanied by immobility, helplessness and social isolation, especially with children, the elderly and the disabled. Then life-threatening lack of care can arise.
6. When should you see a doctor?
Many people feel ashamed because they feel lonely and do not seek help because of it. That should not be! If you cannot find a way out of loneliness yourself, you should bring yourself to see a doctor for your own good. This is especially true if they are also depressed or anxious.
Tip: In crises like the Corona crisis, many clinics, psychiatric outpatient clinics and psychotherapeutic practices offer telephone and video consultation hours or online interventions as an alternative to a direct conversation.
What does the doctor do?
The doctor can first use questionnaires to test and record the extent of your loneliness. The doctor will then work with you to find out what support you need. For example, it can be enough to structure your day better.
Your doctor may also recommend psychotherapy, such as cognitive behavioral therapy. In doing so, you will learn to correct your perception of your personality and other people, and so you can escape the negative spiral of loneliness. In addition, the therapist can carefully introduce you to social contacts, which is known as milieu therapy. Together with your therapist or other professional companion you will practice and reflect on social contacts, for example by attending events together.
If loneliness is associated with mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety or obsessive-compulsive disorder, the doctor can also prescribe appropriate medication (e.g. antidepressants).
7. Prevent loneliness
You can also be lonely as a couple. But this is rather rare. Just togetherness is a good way to overcome loneliness. There is nothing better than having an understanding partner with whom you can discuss the inner emptiness and fill it with love and attention.
So that you don't get into loneliness in the first place, it pays to take care of your own social network throughout your life - even beyond the family. Unfortunately, marriages don't necessarily last forever, especially older partners can die in front of you, and children often find the center of their lives far away in other cities.
