Human Dignity – Really?

Human dignity is the fundamental principle of the German constitution. Article 1, paragraph 1 reads: "Human dignity is inviolable. To respect and protect it is the duty of all state authority." Human dignity is thus mentioned even before the right to life. It does not need to be earned, and although it is an inherent part of every person FROM BIRTH, it is a right that is often badly abused.

The dignity of man is not an attribute like beauty or generosity. The term itself is based on the idea that the very existence of a person makes him or her valuable.

In spite of that, human dignity is difficult to comprehend and is used in many completely contrary contexts. In the debate about euthanasia, we speak of a humane or dignified death. Stem cell research on embryos can be seen as a right of or an attack on human dignity, depending on one’s point of view.

One German news agency reported a prison that was being run under inhumane conditions because several inmates had to share a cell without separate bathroom facilities. And of course everyone knows the saying, “That is beneath me (beneath my dignity?).”    

Example:

She asked him: “How much do the eggs cost?"
The old man answered, "Twenty-five cents apiece, Ma’am."
She said, "I’ll take six for one dollar, otherwise I won’t buy any!"
He replied, "Okay, you can have them. Maybe this will help get me going today. I haven’t sold anything yet."

She took the eggs and walked away with great satisfaction. She had won. She got into her elegant car and drove to a fancy restaurant where she and a girlfriend ordered everything they wanted, ate a little of it and left the rest on their plates. When she paid the $45 bill, she gave the owner $50 and told him to keep the change.                                                                                                                                                        Story by Rik Jason

This was a normal occurrence in the eyes of the owner, but compared to the previous situation with the egg salesman, doesn’t it seem a bit ridiculous?

Questions

• What causes these differing reactions?

• Why do we tend to wield our power and authority when dealing with have-nots?

• Why are we generous with people who don’t need our generosity?

In both cases we see a demonstration of power. In the restaurant, she said in essence, “I have the power to pay you more than your product is worth. I’m a winner. Her statement to the beggar was, "I have the power to give you less than you want, but you will still be grateful to me."

 Dignity in the Past

Dignity was spoken of in antiquity.

1. Leaders in society were referred to as dignitaries, and they were recognized as such by their clothing and other symbols of power.

2. On the other hand, human dignity was recognized in the ancient world as something that all humans had in common and that distinguished them from animals. The reasons given for this were the power of human reasoning and the image of God in man.  

Human beings have free will. We can decide how to behave. The decisions we make are governed by our morals and ethics.

In the mid-1800s, humane working and living conditions became political buzzwords. The discovery of the degrading actions followed during the Nazi regime in Germany were a big influence on the development of its Constitution after 1945, making the dignity of man central to its value system. It is also a key value in all other German national and international statements and declarations.    

Human Dignity and Human Rights

Human dignity implies a certain truth from which other basic human rights are derived. These include prohibitions against discrimination, freedom rights (like freedom of opinion and speech), property rights, protection rights (like protection from torture and the right to a just trial), as well as for social human rights, like the right to free time and education, as well as health care, shelter and work. The last few lay a foundation for a humane existence. This also includes

But can a job be reconciled with the ideal of human dignity when it is so poorly paid that people cannot live in a humane way without supplemental government support? Are the old and sick treated humanely when the homes they live in are so sparsely manned with personnel that there is almost no time to give individuals the attention and care they need? What do refugee accommodations and care look like? Some voices express a felt disadvantage as compared with refugees. Really? 

Our performance as humans in the last few centuries has been unimaginably inhumane! When we consider the number of human lives that were lost due to the insanity of war, we are left completely speechless. Dear Reader, it seems we have a huge problem. Wouldn’t you agree?

Terrorism and Human Dignity

Terrorism is endangering the rights and dignity of man on a worldwide scale. Democratic societies with their human rights for individuals are a favorite target for terrorists.  Rights of liberty have been greatly curtailed in the wake of anti-terrorism strategies. One example of that is the relaxation of data protection policies, such as the saving of digital data over a certain time period or the possibility to peek into another computer without the owner’s consent or knowledge.   

When terrorists are arrested, it is often difficult to treat them humanely. They themselves generally act in a way that defies the dignity of man and are willing to go to any length to reach their goals. The terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001 cost the lives of more than 2000 individuals. Many of the actual perpetrators thereof are still walking around in complete freedom, but even they have a right to humane treatment because they are human beings. It is an inviolable right.

Theological View

In early Judaism and Christianity, the act of the creation of man in the image of God was understood as an indication of man’s dignity (Gen 1:27). At first, equality manifested itself as the equality of all believers in the eyes of God. Paul expresses it radically: “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (Gal. 3:28).

The crucifixion: It takes some deep thought to understand this historical event, the results thereof and the opportunities it presents, but it is well worth the time invested. You can read the story firsthand in the last few chapters of each of the four Gospels.

The climax of dignity is seen in the fact that God’s Son, Jesus Christ, died to give every human being the possibility of having eternal life. By calling us His children, He raises us to a status higher than any other on earth. Every believer who calls God his or her Father and lives in the full awareness of his or her value as a child of God is clothed with unrivaled dignity.

Practical Application

It’s easy to talk about such things, but when it comes to experimentation and implementation of these concepts into real life, many just throw in the towel. It seems to be difficult to experience this kind of human dignity in everyday life.

Family

How does dignity look in the family? How much value do we place on our partners? Our children? The oldest? The youngest? The middle child?  Is anyone at a disadvantage? Do we validate the efforts of each with a heartfelt thank you?

How do I show recognition and appreciation for my faithful partner? Could it be that I take the effort that is put into our relationship for granted and hardly notice it, much less reward it with a warm hug?

Appreciation is closely connected with honor and respect. Making the effort to consider my partner’s value, taking him or her so seriously that I actually listen when he or she talks and act accordingly is a way of honoring him or her. Recognizing that my own weaknesses are plenteous and that I am often in need of forgiveness helps me to deal lightly with the mistakes of others.

The family is the most intimate place where dignity can be experienced. There is great reward in treating family members gently and carefully.

Work

What does work have to do with dignity? For many, it is a necessary evil. They have to do it, although they would much rather spend their time and energy on something else. People who unexpectedly lose their jobs suddenly realize how important work actually is.

Some people define themselves through their work. In other words, they base their entire value as human beings on their professional achievements (see BLOG). This becomes a problem when they are no longer able to work, no matter what the reason. A job well done is naturally appreciated and respected, especially on the social level. This makes us feel valued. Whether from colleagues or customers, the appreciation we receive can be vital to our emotional well-being. The dignity of man may be inviolable in theory, but practically, it matters how we feel about ourselves and treat others.

 Quelle/Source:  www.menschenrechte.jugendnetz.de/menschenrechte/glossar/menschenwuerde/

Aggression in Children and Youth

Aggression has many faces – and many causes. Where does rage originate? Why is it important? How might parents and teachers best deal with screaming, threatening, violent children? These will be subjects of today’s blog.

Johnny is 15. He loses his temper very easily. As soon as something, perhaps a mean look or a rude comment, touches a chord of aggression inside him, he gets hot and starts to boil until he suddenly explodes and hits something. Sometimes it’s a door or a wall, but it could also be another teenager.

You may or may not have heard reports on the rise in teenage violence in your country. At least it is the case in Switzerland.

What is the cause of it? How much aggression is normal and acceptable? Where should we intervene, and where should we just let it go? And if we try to make corrections, how must we do that?

Johnny says, "There was a lot of fighting at our house. My father almost never did anything with me. That still bothers me. I know I still have a lot to learn. I would like to keep myself under control. Something that makes me very happy is when I get a present (Love Languages-BLOG) and being with my friends."

Aggression is especially difficult for peace lovers to take (BLOG): "It’s just too much wasted energy! No, no. It’s definitely not worth it to get it under control. "

What does aggression mean?

Sigmund Freud, the originator of psychoanalysis, wrote in a letter to Albert Einstein in 1932: "the slaughter of a foe gratifies an instinctive craving. The theory that aggression is an instinctive craving, or a need, has finally been disproved by modern neurology. The German neurologist Joachim Bauer, calls Freud's theory "the biggest flop of psychoanalysis".

Today, it has been recognized that psychologically healthy people, unless they are somehow provoked, are generally repulsed by the thought of inflicting suffering. Bauer writes that aggression is neither a characteristic nor a need but a reaction to a violation of boundaries. Somehow some threshold of pain must have been crossed.

So in the above example, what makes Johnny aggressive is not only his genes or his education or the media, but it could be a combination of all these things. Genes alone cannot control a person’s behavior. Environment has a much greater influence.

Children who react aggressively are generally very sensitive. (BLOG)

Self-test

After being married for two years, Terri and I took an aggression test. Before we took the test, I knew Terri was going to score high, which she did. Good test! However, when I got my scores, I doubted the accuracy of the test. I would never have expected such high scores. I wanted to understand myself and the subject, so I bought a book on aggression. While the aggression was quickly visible in her, I usually held mine back, because I had learned in the parental home to stow them and to process internally.

Reading the book I learned there’s a positive facet to aggression, which is the vital force. I also figured out that our life together would never be boring and that our communication would always need continual improvement. The more we were able to replace our fears with love, the more peaceful our relationship became.

What Triggers Aggression?

Physical Pain

Physical pain is probably the most obvious trigger for aggression. A person who receives a blow will naturally tend to retaliate. If it is impossible or in some way unwise to get revenge on the one who inflicted the pain, the aggression will be directed at someone or something else. So, if a young child gets picked on by an older one, he or she will pay the debt forward and beat up someone smaller.

The melancholy temperament (BLOG) is especially known for the ability to store aggression from unresolved issues over time and at some point, when the proverbial last straw has been added to the burden, can blow up over what seems to be a relatively small matter.

In sports, aggression is seen as a strength and rewarded as such. It’s a good place to learn to apply it in moderation. Aggression can help one win. It’s a characteristic of traditional society that children and youth learn early. Is that a good thing?

Emotional Pain

The American neuroscientist Naomi Eisenberger discovered that social rejection, disrespect, marginalization or injustice can have the same effect on a person as physical pain. This would explain why sometimes a look is enough to cause Johnny to react so strongly.

The psychological violation of boundaries is everywhere: at school, on the playground, in sports, during free time, at home and at work.

Nothing can replace a loving mother

Children who don’t have a strong relationship with one person they can always depend on, who don’t have someone who really cares about them and has time for them, must somehow come to grips with these facts. Their intellect is not well enough developed that it could help them understand their missing parent(s). However, they DO have feelings with which they must learn to deal in order to survive. No wonder such frustrating circumstances in life lead to aggression. This aggression is seen from the outside, but it is deeply anchored within and molds the life and character of the host that carries it inside.

What a blessing it is when father and mother can carry the responsibility of raising their children together! It’s a huge challenge, but good teamwork is a key that can achieve much good.

Real World vs. Virtual World

Today we know that our brains do not react just to our own experiences of physical and emotional pain, but also when we observe it in others. This, by the way, is not only true in real life but also in virtual life. When children watch movies and videos where physical and emotional pain are inflicted on others, the same reactions are produced inside them. (BLOG)

Does gender make a difference?

When I substitute teach in elementary schools and talk to the teachers, I find they are all in agreement: the language and behavior of children among themselves is much rougher than it used to be. Although many parents seem to keep an eye on their children, they somehow forget about their online activities. That is an area where parents often seem to be helpless (BLOG).

Boys

Boys and young men tend to commit more crimes than girlsand young women. Whenever a youth commits a crime, it is not a weakness of character that is the determining factor in the deed but his personal biography. Low self-esteem (usually transmitted by his mother) or loneliness and isolation are important ingredients.

Other reasons, besides their often high testosterone levels, are that boys generally watch and identify with the more aggressive super hero videos. Feminine heroes are seldom aggressive.

Girls

Girls are actually no more tranquil than guys; they are just as brutal, but verbally. While the boys direct their aggression towards others, girls will tend to keep it inside and hurt themselves. Teenagers with self-inflicted wounds and thoughts of suicide are usually girls. It is interesting to note that their cultural backgrounds are not as influential as their personal history.

Strong pressure is usually met with counter pressure, which manifests itself either as rebellion or resignation. A loving, objective correction, given without aggression and with loving eyes, will help a child much more than an angry one.

Dealing with Aggression

When we experience emotional pain, it is natural to react with some kind of aggression. If one is somehow prevented from doing so, sickness may result. From my experience in marriage counseling, I have learned that often three to five days after a marital conflict occurs, one partner or the other (usually the introverted one) will get sick. This is because quarreling weakens the immune system. 

When we allow our frustrations to remain inside and eat on us, the components of our aggression mechanisms remain neuro-biologically charged, which can lead to fear disorders or depression.

In omit light of this information, it would seem beneficial to let one’s aggression out. Right? Where are the limits? They are to be found at the place where one begins to inflict physical or emotional pain on oneself or others.

What is 'normal'?

Norms are determined by the majority. Whatever is done or accepted by the majority is considered normal. However, things that are normal today were not at all normal in the past. Norms change. How much childish aggression should be tolerated?

It is especially important not to intervene too quickly with corrections. If a child feels somewhat neglected, he or she will learn to fish for attention with acts of aggression. If violence fails to yield positive results, the child will not continue to use it. In any event, as long as children’s quarrels are fair, it’s a good idea to let quarrel take their course. If you decide to intervene, you should also explain to the child what was not OK and why. We should also remember not to criticize the child, only his or her behavior. (BLOG)

A- and V-Children

Children who are spoiled or much neglected from their early childhood are sometimes referred to as

“A-children”. The reason for this term is found in the shape of the “A”. It is wide at the bottom, signifying a lack of rules and limits at the beginning. As these children grow older, they are confronted with more and more natural boundaries in society, but because they have not learned to accept any authority outside themselves, they become more and more frustrated with life. They tend to develop more aggression because their natural need for security and safety was not met early on. In extreme cases, they can become a liability to themselves, their families and society.  This development is shown in the apex of the "A".

“V-children” on the other hand, are children whose parents laid down clear boundaries and rules for them in the beginning and gave them more and more freedom and responsibilities as they grow older. The feeling of security generated thereby facilitates their positive development, making them a benefit for their surroundings. Later, such parents will reap rewards of praise and thanks for their efforts. 

Good eye contact facilitates good communication, makes every situation and process easier to understand and direct. This boy is in the process of controlling his feelings of frustration.

Non-violent Resistance

We know of the concept that pressure calls forth counter pressure. When parents are aggressive, their children will reflect the same traits, because children are like a mirror of their parents.

The idea of non-violent resistance is founded on the complete abstinence from all verbal and physical violence and any actions that would insult or humiliate the aggressive child. Children should experience their parents as competent, determined and loving authorities who are in control of their own feelings and not controlled by them.

Awareness:  You as a parent may often feel helpless in the face of violent children, but now you know how to defend yourself. That alone is a great help.

Avoid Escalation: Discussions, preaching, threats and declarations of one’s justice are often wasted energy. When provocations arise, it is best not to react immediately, but rather to try to talk about it later. When parents keep their feelings under control, children’s feelings will not escalate. After all, we are not in a war against the child; we just need to delineate the necessary boundaries.

Warning: Because we love our children, we must give them a warning of the consequences to be expected for certain actions. When a child has heard and understood the warning, he or she can consciously decide what to do or not do. With younger children, the warning is given verbally. With older children, it can sometimes be put into writing. Children who have learned to react positively to warnings have also learned important lessons for the future.

Decision: One strategy that has proven to be very effective is the 'sit-in'. One or both parents will sit with the child in his or her room and, without speaking, quietly await the child’s suggestion as to how to solve the problem. The parent may also have a counseling assistant to help with this process on the telephone. In this way, the child can experience his or her parents as non-violent, strong-willed and wise. This will help him or her to come to a good decision.

Reconciliation: It is especially important to give children signs of our unconditional affection. These can be given in the form of praise or a special activity done together, depending on the child’s love language. (BLOG). In spite of all our efforts toward reconciliation, scars often remain.

Doing fun things together can often help us to overcome difficulties. Knowing we are a family that sticks together through thick and thin makes us strong and happy!

A healthy lifestyle (BLOG) will help you to reach your goals faster and better. Good luck! Enjoy!

Fear Less – Step by Step

It touches everyone, some more, some less. Here are some tips and tricks for dealing with fear.

The Problem

Most of us know that regular exercise and balanced nutrition are keys to increasing our wellbeing and making us more stress and fear resistant. If only we would put our knowledge into practice! Instead, we often let ourselves get overwhelmed by our many duties and responsibilities and put our health on a back burner for later. It’s no wonder so much fear, stress and depression result, impacting and infecting increasing numbers of individuals.

It is interesting to note that fear is often associated with the future, depression has its roots in the past and stress is especially produced in the present. Are there solutions to be had that don’t require medications?

A Case Study

After a tough day at work, John made his way home through extremely trying traffic. Arriving home after dark, he rushed into the house and greeted his wife hastily on his way to the shower. His two children were playing in the living room, but John had no time for them. He was hungry and looking forward to dinner.

While he was eating, his wife, Bea, was fidgeting. "What’s up?" he asked a bit impatiently. "Your mom is worried and would like you to visit her some time.” "I can’t. I have bigger problems to deal with right now. My boss blew up today!" "Can’t you think of somebody besides yourself? And what about your children? They have been looking forward to spending time with you this evening!" "Nag, nag, nag! You don’t work! So you have time for them!"  Both parties were losers in that exchange.

Little Yolanda entered the room and gave her daddy an envelope. "Can’t you see I’m busy talking to Mommy?" John stuck the envelope in his pocket and Yolanda began to cry. Her mother started to stick up for her and John escaped to his room knowing he was in a losing fight. He had lost control of his emotions.

While he was getting undressed, he suddenly had the envelope in his hand. Yolanda had drawn him a picture and had written, “I love you, Daddy,” with a heart next to it for emphasis. John’s stomach cramped, realizing he had made a terrible mistake.

The question that crystalizes out of this example is: What is the most important thing in life? Our fears often lead us into dead-ends and destructive situations in life that we would never choose ourselves, if given a rational moment to think it through. Therefore, it is imperative that we look our fears in the eye and work them out. Right?

Children are usually the victims. They have too little experience and intellect to understand and process all the difficult situations they experience. No wonder so many find themselves struggling for emotional survival! The challenge for us as adults is to find ways to help these children break the cycle of fear.

Thoughts are Powerful

As you may read in the blogs on toxic thoughts (TOX1 - TOX2), our thoughts are a cofactor to health. Those who can control and regulate their own thoughts are at a distinct emotional advantage. That, however, is easier said than done.

A short refresher:  Our thoughts can influence our immune systems, which in turn influence our probability of getting cancer, lower our life expectancy, increase the time needed to recuperate from sicknesses, depress our moods and, consequently, decrease our social competence.

People who make positive thinking a habit get more out of life. Those who carry lovely pictures of the past around with them, who see difficulties as a part of a bigger, nicer picture, and who can speak well of yesteryear definitely do their approximately 70 trillion cells a huge favor. A similar advantage is produced when the future is contemplated with happy confidence.

The most important point to consider undoubtedly revolves around how we think about ourselves. If we regularly compare ourselves with great personalities (stars in the media), we will always lose. We need to learn to value our own talents and skills, but neither these nor our achievements can be the basis for our self-worth, or we will soon be in grave danger.

Of course, nobody can ALWAYS think ONLY positive thoughts. The death of a loved one is inevitably followed by a period of mourning. People of faith have a distinct advantage here: their time for grieving is normally shortened and eased by the hope that carries their thoughts beyond the grave. 

The human brain is absolutely sensational! Each person’s entire life is stored within those three crucial pounds of gray matter. So it is beneficial to understand how it works, or better, how it can be influenced for the good. What is the role of the frontal lobe (BLOG)? The amygdala? How can my lifestyle improve (or damage) brain function? These are important questions, but they seem more important to me, now that I know some answers.

Fear

Fear is a constant companion in life. It’s something like a “gift of creation”. We have also received tools to deal constructively with fear: experience, reason, self-awareness and especially love, which is the opposite of fear.  

Caroline

When Caroline was five years old, her father left her and her mother for a younger woman. One of the consequences of this move was that her mother had to get a job, and Caroline had to go to a day care center. It was not easy for her mom. She often complained about her meager financial circumstances. Having already lost her daddy, Caroline worried that her mother could also leave her (fear of loss) (Verlustangst) and her fear of the future grew with her awareness of life. She began to expect tragedy. She developed a negative pattern of thought that would surely accompany her into her adult life.

There are diverse kinds and shades of fear. From general phobias to panic attacks to fear of loss to posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), their roots can all usually be traced back to some devastating

Causes of Fear

Nature presents us with some beautiful examples of how animals overcome fear. It’s quite amazing when you consider the size of their frontal lobes as compared to ours!

Many fears are transmitted to children through their parents. Fear of failure, feelings of guilt, irrational fear (like of mice) and personal instability because of feelings of low self-worth can all produce huge deficiencies in children. People generally have little knowledge of their own fears and coping skills.

The main cause for all fear, as I see it, is a lack or loss of love. Love is the best medicine for fear. Where love is lacking, fear grows. Where love, security and appreciation are put into practice, fear must retreat and diminish.

That is easy to say, but where can you get love without stealing it? (BLOG) People who have a hard time dealing with life are often tempted to develop coping strategies such as power, pleasure and/or pride. When you get right down to it, these are all really just substitutes for love. The choices of counterfeits available today are as numerous as the stars.

Dealing with Fear

The symptoms of a fear disorder are often first seen after a stressful event. At those times, it would be advantageous to know how to best deal with them. Here are a few suggestions:

> Share Your Troubles

Having someone you can talk to in times of trouble is truly a gift. The investments you make in your family, friends and community will prove their value in times like these.

> Relax

Every person has developed his or her own way of relaxing. For some, it’s a walk by a river, for others, it’s listening to music, hanging around, reading or painting pictures. Find your way, and do it.

> Breathe Deeply

When people are afraid, they breathe shallowly. Breathing IN and OUT slowly, deeply and thoughtfully several times can bring balance back into a difficult moment. Afterwards, it will be easier to think clearly and rationally.

> Eat Healthy

But what is healthy? There are HUGE discrepancies in what is promoted as healthy nowadays! Let me summarize my humble opinion in a nutshell: The more natural, the healthier. Please check out the blog called NEWSTART .

> Self-Help Groups

In many towns there are self-help groups where you can share your troubles with and learn from others. These are especially helpful if you don’t have friends or family who understand your issues.

> CBT: Thought Stopping

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a good method for many for managing fear and intrusive negative thoughts. As soon as you recognize an undesirable thought, consciously STOP it by turning your thoughts to something positive and desirable. Refuse to dwell on toxic thoughts.

Other options for those who need extra help include asking a doctor for assistance. Pharmacological solutions are sometimes unavoidable.

> Our Creator Can Help

o Style Your Life:  Life is a challenge. Causality, or the question of why things are the way they are, along with questions about our vulnerability, our own and that of our relationships, occupy our thoughts day by day. In order to arrive at the wisest of conclusions, it would be beneficial to ask our Creator these questions personally. He has all the answers. For this reason, many Christians read the Bible. In it they find sensational, deep, psychological bits of wisdom that make life worth living. Living life with HIS values leads to more quality of life and love. Are you interested in an example? Ephesians 5:28 says: He that loves his wife loves himself! Think about that for a moment. What could it mean?

o Stay in Touch:  For example, Christians go to church regularly. They think and feel and act in each other’s best interest, which strengthens their feeling of community. Together they are strong!

o Contact the King:  Please allow me to make one of my favorite suggestions: Take a moment, three times a day in a quiet place, to get in touch with God. It is not important that you feel like it. Just make a decision to do it and don’t let anything distract you from it. Tell Him what’s on your heart. If you are attentive and willing to learn, you will experience how His voice speaks with you through your conscience. 

Many people pray only in a dire emergency, when there’s no other way out. That’s sad. We could have so much more. God invites us to come directly to Him. He promises to reward us when we do. In the Bible, that’s called a blessing. That’s the best key.

Raising Kids in a Digital World- School Daze

Children and youth love digital media. Many of their needs, especially approval and attention, seem to be covered through this means. For a short time, while they are in their digital world, they feel like their emotional love tanks are being filled. Instead of getting their needs satisfied through social contacts, they find the digital solution much easier and more carefree.

If you would like to know whether your child handles media in a balanced or not so balanced way, you might like to do the TEST at the end of this blog.

Here you can find all links concerning this topic:

INTRO  -  TODDLERS  -  PRESCHOOL  -  -  TEENAGERS

A Case Study – Ingrid

Ingrid bought her 7-year-old son, Mark, an iPad while he was in the first grade. She thought to herself, “Why shouldn’t he be able to keep up with the other kids?” Mark’s school had begun to introduce such devices in the younger grades, and his teacher had praised their pedagogical benefits. Since Ingrid wanted to do what was best for her boy, she allowed him to play certain selected educational games on his iPad.

One day Mark discovered 'Minecraft'. His teacher assured her was simply an electronic form of LEGO building blocks. Remembering how much fun she had had playing with those plastic blocks as a child, Ingrid allowed her son to spend his afternoons playing Minecraft rather than reading or playing baseball like he had previously done.

At the outset, Ingrid was quite happy with the situation. Mark seemed to be very creative as he explored the mysterious cubed world on his iPad. She soon realized that the game was not really like the LEGOs she remembered: after all, she had never had to kill any animals or find rare minerals in order to survive and graduate to the next level with her old beloved LEGO blocks. But Mark really seemed to enjoy playing and the school even had a Minecraft Club. So, what could be so bad about it?

Still, Ingrid could not deny a noticeable difference in her son. He began to concentrate more and more on his digital game, lost all interest in baseball and reading and refused to do his chores. Some mornings when he woke up, he reported having seen the cubed forms in his dreams.
Although it worried her a little, Ingrid told herself it must just be his active imagination. When his behavior deteriorated, she tried to take the game away from him. He threw such a fit of anger that she gave in and comforted herself with the thought that “at least it’s educational.” Then, one night it became crystal clear to her that something had gone terribly wrong.

Ingrid reports: "I went into his room to check on him. He should have been asleep. I was afraid. I found him sitting up in bed, staring with bloodshot eyes at something, or nothing, in the distance. His glowing iPad lay next to him on the bed. He seemed to be in a trance. I was beside myself and had to shake him several times to get him to snap out of it."

She was completely distraught and could not understand how her once healthy, happy boy had become so addicted to that game and ended up in this hypnotic daze.

The game industry is not sleeping. New ways to step into the digital world are being invented every day. Some things might appear to be reasonable at first, but for the farsighted, perhaps dangerous.  

Is Gaming a Drug?

While it is true that not every young boy is influenced in the same way as every other, we must realize that iPads, smartphones und Xboxes are a digital form of drugs. 

It’s very interesting to note that many tech designers and engineers in Silicon Valley choose NO-TECH schools for their own children and raise them low-tech at home.

Many parents understand intuitively that the ever-present glowing screens have a negative effect on their children. They see the aggressive tantrums thrown when deprived of their devices and note a loss of attention span. Children who spend lots of time playing highly stimulating games are easily distracted and cannot seem to concentrate on anything less “attractive”. Worse yet, we see many children who feel bored, apathetic and disinterested whenever they are not connected to their digital world.

But wait! There’s more! It gets worse than that! As stated earlier, these digital devices can affect the human brain just as drugs do. Brain scans show how the frontal lobe (BLOG), our control center for executive functions, including impulses is influenced in the same way as by cocaine. This technology is so hyper-stimulating that it raises dopamine levels (the feel-good neurotransmitter involved in the addiction process) just like sex.

This addictive effect is the reason Dr. Peter Whybrow, Director of neuroscience at UCLA, calls screens “electronic cocaine.” Chinese researchers call them “digital heroin.” Dr. Andrew Doan, the head of addiction research for the Pentagon and the US Navy, has been delving into the subject of game addictions. He has dubbed screen technology and video games "Digital Pharmakeia" (Greek for drug).

Knowing this, it’s no surprise it’s hard to pry our children away from their screens. No wonder they get upset when their screen time is interrupted. Above and beyond this, there are hundreds of clinical studies showing that depression, phobias and aggression are intensified by the use of screen technology and can lead to psychotic behavior, whereby the video player loses contact with reality.

What value do we place on our freedom to think and act? Is freedom still possible? Are we dependent on social media? How far do we want to go? Adults can decide for themselves, but parents must set the limits for their children. I wish them much wisdom and strength.

Treatment for Addictions

Treatment for a child who has crossed the line and is addicted to technology is very difficult. Some therapists claim it’s easier to treat a heroin addict than a matrix video gamer or a social media junkie.

The American Academy of Pediatrics reported in 2013 that 8 to 10-year-olds spent eight hours daily with some kind of digital media, while for teens it was 11 hours. A whopping 33% of children were already using smartphones or tablets before they could talk.

In digital detox programs, NO computers, smartphones, tablets, and in extreme cases, TVs, are allowed for 4-6 weeks. This is the time needed for an over-stimulated nervous system to reboot. However, in our technology-based society, it’s an extremely difficult task. Screens are everywhere. It’s often easier to get away from drugs and alcohol than from media.

What makes children vulnerable?

Children who feel lonely, neglected, unloved and bored are generally at higher risk for addictions as an escape from life than those who are happy, well-adjusted and busy. So, it’s often a good strategy to busy them with real life experiences and help them bind their hearts to real people in real relationships. Children who are busy with creative activities and closely knit to their families are less likely to feel the need to escape into a digital fantasy world. But even with the best and most loving support system, any child can be caught in the screen’s hypnotic spell if they spend enough time in its addictive sphere of influence.

The emotional love tank is probably one of the most influential keys when it comes to the subject of addiction endangerment. People who feel unloved, unaccepted or forgotten will generally have greater challenges staying independent of digital media. 

How can parents help?

So, how can we prevent our children from crossing the line to addiction? It’s not easy. The best and easiest way would be to keep them away from digital influences while they’re young. The longer you can drag it out, the better. Here are some ideas and principles to promote:

• Legos instead of Minecraft
• books instead of iPads
• nature and sports instead of TV
• friends instead of Facebook for social interaction
• creative fun and games instead of game apps
• make music instead of listening (music lessons)

Unfortunately, the addictive world of media and screens tends to disturb and destroy the desire for more natural, creative activities.

If your child’s school has not yet realized the dangers of media on young minds, you may have to come to your child’s defense and insist that he or she not be confronted with these devices until the age of at least 10 (12 would be better). Request that neutral experts be invited to speak and highlight the subject at a parent-teacher meeting, so that both parents and teachers may be properly informed and receive suggestions on how to best deal with the situation. 

Speaking of experts, Steve Jobs and Bill Gates both raised their children with minimal technology and had clear rules. “No tech at the table” would be a great rule for every family. That may seem a bit harsh for some, but mealtimes should be jealously guarded as a time dedicated to family relationships and communication. Whatever rules you make, take the time to patiently explain your position to your children. They should understand why you don’t want them playing with their devices so much and why too much can be harmful.

Children want to be strong

You can help your children by pointing out some disadvantages of unhealthy choices. Explain how these devices can make them lose interest in playing ball, reading, playing with bugs and frogs by the creek and spending time with the people they love. If they have seen some of these changes in their friends who are more digitally connected, it won’t be too hard to convince them. Additionally, if you speak your child’s love language (BLOG) during the process, you will definitely be successful.

Lastly: Be a good example. Children like learning from their parents (BLOG). It’s their nature. The Bavarian comedian Karl Valentin once said, “We don’t need to teach our children anything. They only copy what we do anyway.”

When parents and teachers apply the love languages (BLOG) and encourage their children wherever they can, precious relationships and self-esteem are built and strengthened. Children will love and appreciate everyone who gives them the support they need. 

The Rest of the Ingrid – Story

Finally, Ingrid was able to liberate Mark from his tablet, but it was an uphill battle with many skirmishes and setbacks on the way to recovery.

Mark is doing much better today, after four years of learning to use his computer in a more healthy way. His life is more balanced now. He has joined a baseball team and has several really good friends at school. His mother still keeps a watchful eye on his tech usage, knowing that a moment of weakness could mean relapse, as with any other addiction. Healthy hobbies, no computer in his bedroom and “no tech at the table” are a few of the important ingredients in the recipe that spells success for Mark.

A healthy lifestyle (BLOG) also promotes a strong frontal lobe (BLOG), which in turn helps children make good decisions for a bright future.

 Too Much Screen Time – Test *

These simple questions can help determine whether or not screen time is harming your child's overall health. Give a score to each question using the following ratings:

• 0 = never or rarely true
• 1 = occasionally true
• 2 = usually true
• 3 = always true

10 Test Questions

1. Your child is upset when you ask him to stop his screen activity to come to dinner or another activity.
2. Your child asks you to buy a digital device such as an iPod after you have already said no.
3. Your child has trouble completing his homework because he is busy watching television or playing video games.
4. Your child refuses to help with chores around the house, choosing instead to play with screens.
5. Your child asks to play a video game or other screen-related activity after you have said no.
6. Your child does not get sixty minutes of physical activity each day.
7. Your child does not give frequent eye contact to others in the home.
8. Your child would rather play video games than go outside to play with friends.
9. Your child doesn't really enjoy anything that does not involve screens.
10. If you restricted all screen use for one day, your child would be irritable and whiny.

Evaluation

  0-10 Points: Your child does not appear to have too much screen time. He seems able to exercise appropriate control and boundaries.

11-20 Points: Your child may be depending an screen time too much. You will want to monitor screen time more judiciously and watch for growing reliance upon screens.

21-30 Points: Your child may be addicted to screens. You may want to meet with a counselor, pastor, or parent you respect for advice.

* This test is taken from the book "Growing Up Social" by Gary Chapman & Arlene Pellicane

Look for these and many other helpful resources at

www.5Lovelanguages.com. 

• Drills for Grown-Up Social Success, six interactive scenarios to help you build your child's confidence in courtesies and social interaction.
• 25 Common Courtesies for Kids, a quick list to help you shape goals and expectations for your child's behavior.
• The Love Languages Mystery Game to help you determine your child's primary love language.
• 50 Table Talk Questions for Your Family, a guide to fresh and lively conversations at family mealtimes.

Raising Kids in a Digital World - Preschool

Let your children play in the great outdoors. There’s so much they can learn there. The book of nature is filled with a myriad of lessons, and everyone can understand and learn something new on their own level, no matter where they are in their development. 

Weitere Blogs zu diesem Thema:  INTRO  -  KLEINKINDER  -   -  SCHULALTER  -  TEENAGERS

Blogs on this topic:    INTRO  -  TODDLERS  -  -  SCHOOL DAZE  -  TEENAGERS

Preschool

Many parents measure their children’s success by the grades they bring home from school, thus building family pride. To this end, they try to teach their little ones to count to one hundred and say their ABCs while still in kindergarten. It is a known fact that, at the end of the day, this knowledge is of no advantage. Children who learn these things early think they know everything and are less motivated to pay attention to the teacher, thus slowing their learning process.

It is much more important to strengthen a child’s character and help him or her develop emotional intelligence (see BLOG). This will be a great benefit in life.

Many preschool children who are familiar with video games, cartoons and the newest apps have not learned much about empathy, perseverance, responsibility and faith.

A Case Study:  Gabriela

At the end of a tough day at work Gabriela arrives home at the same time as her children, Lauren (7) and Alessia (9). She sets her things down and immediately begins warming up dinner.

Lauren sits down in front of the TV. Alessia starts playing her favorite iPad game. When Dad comes home, they sit down together for a short meal. No one is discourteous, but no one says, “Please ,” or “Thank you.”

After the meal they all go back and continue with their respective media. Daddy is deep in thought with his laptop, and after awhile Alessia’s Smartphone has her full attention.

Lying in bed at the end of the day, Gabriela thinks about the family and an uneasy feeling settles over her as she ponders their communication, or the lack thereof. Their family bonds are not very strong. The children concentrate on their media and computers, and her husband seems to function the same way. What has happened to her family? They used to be a close-knit team.

This case in point demonstrates how everyday family life can look if we don’t take conscious measures to prevent a downward spiral.

We adults are examples for our children. Our motives quickly become theirs. If we want to strengthen our children, we must realize that to teach and discipline children means, first of all, to teach and discipline ourselves. That was my biggest challenge in my career as an educator. Self-discipline, where does it come from? Where can I get it?

Affection

Affection is probably the most important ingredient in a family and the basis for hugs, physical touch, loving words and eye contact. Emotionally healthy children are youngsters who have generally experienced a lot of affection in their families. They have a natural attitude of gratitude and tend to make less unrealistic demands of themselves and others, and this positive attitude also carries over into adulthood.

There are many siblings who can drive each other up a wall in a matter of seconds. These sudden bursts of rage develop at home and later can be observed on the playground and in school. The reason for this phenomenon is an unfulfilled need of affection.

For children, affection means, among other things, answering their daily question, “Mommy, Daddy, do you love me?” with loving attention. This most important question should be answered positively as often as possible before the children start school. In this way, a basis is built to show them how to take responsibility for their behavior.

Work is important, but children in this stage are absolutely amazing. They are so easy to guide, eager to learn, spontaneous and easy to inspire – as long as they have been kept away from media. Spending time with them one-on-one fills their emotional love tanks and helps them master the challenges and stress they will once meet when they are at school.

"Sorry"

How children answer questions about guilt like “Who did that?” tells a lot about their understanding of responsibility. The answer, "It just happened," is unsatisfactory, but immature adults are often caught in this childish behavior and blame others for their mistakes. People who take responsibility for their actions can give a sincere apology when they have erred. 

Those who spend a lot of time watching TV or other media are at a disadvantage when it comes to developing a sense of responsibility. When parents take the time to clearly communicate their wishes and expectations to their children and demonstrate a sense of responsibility in their own lives, they will reap a bountiful harvest.   

You can help children by

• showing affection
• appreciating others
• processing anger and aggression in a positive way
• apologizing
• being a good listener

Personal Presence

It is a paradox how electronic devices can connect people from all over the world and at the same time separate us from those nearest us. It’s wonderful that we can talk to Grandma on another continent via Skype or Messenger. However, when you compare that experience with the frequency of computer games and television, it doesn’t happen all that often. It seems we look more at screens and less into faces as time goes by.

It is definitely a good thing when a father gets together with his children. Can you imagine a more idyllic scene than a man and his children spending a lazy afternoon playing by a stream, in a forest or a meadow? But if his quality time with the kids is repeatedly disturbed by his phone, it will not have the desired positive impact on their relationship.

When you read interesting stories to your children, their language and values are developed according to the content. Once a love for books is awakened in them, the world of literature and all the knowledge therein is open to them and can impact the rest of their lives. When we leave this task to the media, we give up the responsibility of training our children and hand them over to strangers to do the job.

The Social Development of Preschool Children

• They have a vocabulary of about 1500 – 2000 words. Their values are bound up in their vocabulary.
• They can normally form complete sentences, not fragments. If you communicate a lot with a child, he or she will also be able to communicate well. If a child avoids relationships (and eye contact), you can be sure the child has some fears that have not been dealt with.
• They are interested in friendships, and show signs of cooperation and a willingness to share and prioritize the interests of others.
• They can express emotions like frustration verbally and not just physically.  
• They love to play pretend and dress up to match the rolls they play.  
• They love to imitate grown-ups. Adults who know this can guide and influence them more easily.  

Summary

The best thing you can do for your preschool children is to keep them as far away from social media as possible. The more they can experience the wonders of nature, the joys of role playing, drawing, coloring, listening to virtuous stories, music and working together with children of various ages, the more emotional intelligence will be developed (BLOG). This will be a great advantage and a general guarantee of success for their futures.

Experiencing nature together makes families strong. It provides opportunities to put the various love languages into practice (BLOG). Enjoy your children at the age they are right now! It’s a unique time and will not come back again.