Developing a culture of debate - how does it work?

Conflicts in important relationships affect health. Astudy shows interesting results.

What is the argument about?

Wiki: "Dispute, also quarrel, quarrel, dispute, discord, strife, stunk, is the open settlement of a difference of opinion between two or more actors, persons, groups or parties (political party, litigation, war party) that is not always obvious and does not necessarily always have to be hostile, but often (in contrast to the more neutral discussion, for example) can be accompanied or carried by emotional elements. "

Cause and trigger

A dispute is often caused by social interactions, where individual or group conflicts of interest collide or rivalries are lived out. The triggers can be important but also totally unimportant. The prerequisite for a dispute must always be that the actors are ready for it.

Have you ever met someone you just can't argue with?

People who are unimpressed by feelings of jealousy, hatred, envy and ambition, who are internally indifferent to them, find it much easier to constructively lead conflicts to a solution.

Imagine a married couple making up their minds to stop arguing !! When hot topics come up, they want to tackle them on a factual level and not let their emotions dominate. What do you think - is this possible?

The culture of debate is a matter of upbringing

Dispute settlement is maintained or developed in many educational institutions such as schools or daycare centers (day-care centers for children). Through practice, children should be enabled to verbally follow disputes in social groups in order to further develop their social skills for dispute resolution (or verbal regulation of disputes).

Arguments and conflicts are seen as normal happenings in a social group or as an event in which several interests compete. It is important to coordinate the conflicting interests peacefully and as productively as possible (for collective interests and not individual interests). A good practise !!

Sometimes it seems sensible to leave the contending parties to their own devices and not use parental dominance. This makes the most sense when the children have already developed a kind of culture of argument.

Rules in schools

The following values ​​are passed on to children in many schools and also in kindergartens:

• Physical violence should not be used

• Language skills are valued

• The sense of community (collective) and self-awareness are promoted

Form a circle in a school class, very quietly; the head of the class has prepared and collected points for discussion. Then it starts! Issues are addressed objectively. Everyone gets the word. Everyone can contribute to a solution. The rules of discussion are known to everyone. You stick to it. Total group experience that is worth gold for later times.

This is how it starts, for example:

• In a quiet place starting with a friendly greeting

• What happened? Everyone explains their understanding of what they have experienced and describes the facts without evaluating the description of the other side.

• Why did something happen? The background to the dispute is being investigated.

• What can we do now? After collecting ideas, the best solution is worked out.

• Agreement - Sometimes a joint agreement - maybe even signed - is a decision-making act that promotes lasting impact.

Personally, I have often practiced this form of conflict resolution with my primary school students and have found that the children experience this type of conflict resolution as fair. It helps them to understand each other better and also to perceive others and their interests (see empathy in EQ-BLOG).

It is also interesting that over time the children no longer need the authorities (teachers, parents). You know the rules, and everyone accepts them because they make total sense.

When a marriage breaks down

When the joy between married couples runs dry, when words become rare and often become bullets, then - yes, then reflection is the order of the day.

Scientists from the USA have studied these conflict situations. Psychologists from the Universities of Michigan and Nevada have accompanied 373 heterosexual couples for 16 years and repeatedly questioned them about their marriage.

They compared the physical condition of couples who live together harmoniously and couples who are not comfortable with each other and often quarrel.

You can find good reasons for EVERYTHING if you want. Also for efficient problem solving. Those who have analytical skills and the courage to reflect have great advantages. Because this person can recognize their own pride and their blockages and say goodbye to them. Approaching each other for the sake of unconditional love leads to a new high quality level where human dignity is very important.

Where there is pride, there are problems

I like this saying of wise Solomon very much because I believe it is true. Take a look around. Proud people get into an argument faster than humble people.

If we weren't so proud and selfish, most problems could be solved in 5 minutes !!!

I liked this sentence. It shows me that if I want to argue, to provoke a conflict, that the real problem is not with the other person but with me. That made me analyze myself better in moments like this. And indeed. Mostly there were selfish motives in the background that fueled my motivation to fight.

Try to take this sentence with you into your everyday life. I am curious what experiences you will have with it!

Arguing is like drinking

Back to the study - the conclusion: The dissatisfied feel their relationship worries on their own body. Those who argue often release more stress hormones and tend to be sick longer, have more inflammations of all kinds and suffer from fluctuations in appetite. That hits the heart of many people.

Most people know it: Alcohol doesn't really solve problems. Can you have better results with arguing? How about a reconciliation strategy? But without alcohol behind you!

More pronounced symptoms in men

Scientist Rosie Shrout speaks of "very harmful" effects on health, comparable to people who drink or smoke too much.

According to the current study, the symptoms affect both men and women; but with men they are more pronounced. The number of conflicts has a direct impact on his health. In the case of women, however, the frequency of disputes is less important. Maybe that's why women are getting older?

Conclusion

We learn:

First, marriage can become a vicious circle where things can only go downhill. Our ability to deal with conflicts and communicate, which, thanks to our motivation for a happy relationship as a driver, can have a lot of positive effects, namely to transform a vicious circle into a circle of friends, is of great importance.

Second, those who argue a lot get sick just as much as someone who smokes or drinks a lot.

Third, for every “Don't drink so much” your partner at the table, a “Well, true, darling” is the healthiest.

Fourth, don't let your pride rule you. Choose another path, the path of objectivity and charity.

The study thus correlates with other research that has interpreted marriage as a guarantee of health. These older studies state that married people live longer than unmarried, divorced and widowed people.

Now we have just learned: This only applies if a positive culture of debate has developed and togetherness has become a ‘for one another’.

Have fun ‘arguing’ !!!

Praiseworthy Praise (Part 2)

Who would have thought it possible to make a mistake in giving a compliment? I always thought words of affirmation were important for building self-confidence and raising achievement levels! That’s what I was taught, anyway.  Besides that, praise and words of affirmation are accepted ingredients in the recipe called the Five Love Languages (BLOG)! So, what is the truth?

Praise as Interaction

In order to really understand today’s blog in its context, I would encourage you to first read Praiseworthy Praise Part 1 from last week's BLOG.

Praise is understood as an action between individuals, but that's not all. A healthy lifestyle or a successful professional life can also create an inner sense of praise and recognition (self-worth) in us.

For the moment, let us turn our attention to our children, the important people of the future. Special care and attention, wisdom and farsightedness are needed in their education and training. This is a huge challenge for us as adults. Let us begin deep inside the heart of a child, where self-worth begins.

Feelings of Self-Worth Make a Difference

We used to believe there was a simple relationship between praise and feelings of self-worth: the more praise, the greater the feeling of self-worth. However, when a child is praised for acts that should be normal, like finishing his or her homework or drying the dishes at the age of 12, it can have the opposite effect.

This type of misplaced praise can lead children to set low goals. They think of themselves as brilliant and feel no need to develop further. These children don’t learn how to struggle and strive to achieve their goals. This attitude also makes life difficult for teachers. An overdeveloped sense of self-worth can not only destroy a child’s desire and ability to learn, it can also increase the tendency toward substance abuse and violence.

There are unfortunately more and more neglected children who spend their days in front of the TV or with their Smartphones (often like their parents) oblivious of any feelings of responsibility. We can assume the fan club mentality manifested by their parents and grandparents left its mark, continually applauding them for actions they had mastered more than a year earlier. A growing sense of complacency replaced their natural inclination to strive for more.

Fortunately, there are also parents who communicate with their children in a thoughtful and controlled tone: sensible, soft and loving.

Cats Never Bark

Some parents are so ambitious and have such high expectations in raising their children that enormous pressure is created for the child. Many parents praise their children in order to increase their performance. Their motivation is really their own pride: they only feel proud of their child and of themselves when their child is successful. They are not thinking of how to help the child to be happy, but how to achieve success. Many children who are trained to be perfectionists suffer with these expectations later in life.

Therefore, it is important to accept each child as he or she is and not try to remake him or her into a model for our desired list of achievements. A cat will never learn to bark!

Do children come into the world to meet their parents’ needs, or is it the other way around?

As parents and educators, we are challenged to analyze our expectations. In our efforts to help our children develop, we must always be aware of their developmental stage. When defeat comes, we should not let them feel our disappointment, but continue to motivate them with goal-oriented encouragement.

Children are always happy with themselves when they have accomplished something that matches their abilities, that is, when they are not over or under challenged. In this process, it is important that the educator concentrate more on the child’s strengths, giving less attention to weaknesses.

More important than speaking the right words at the right time is having the right attitude toward one’s child, spouse, life and self.

So, if a parent or another person in authority notices his or her communication consists mostly of prohibitions and commands, or trying to keep a semblance of order through power struggles, then it’s high time to take a look in the mirror.

Dangerous Discipline

Obedience at any cost is a risky rule. Although children who learn to live within limits and rules that are based on sensible principles are generally much happier than those who don’t, this obedience must never be achieved at the cost of relationship. Love must always be the undisputed basis for every act of discipline. If love is missing, or if a child does not FEEL unconditionally loved, praise and rewards can be just as devastating as punishment, just more subtle. They can actually be a form of abuse and manipulation disguised as goodness and generosity. The message conveyed says, “You are loved when you obey.” See conditional love - BLOG.

Today we know that many children who grow up without discipline, in the laissez faire – style, report having big problems in relationships as adults. On the other hand, children who learned that NO meant NO and experienced the presence of defined boundaries were able to enjoy happy relationships as adults. Loving authority is still an absolute necessity that children highly appreciate.

Perilous Pride

Praise can cause many different feelings and reactions. This becomes clear when we see how hard it is, even for adults, to deal with sincere compliments. In such situations, we see embarrassment, speechlessness and blushing. For this reason, it would be a good idea for children to be taught how to deal with praise at a young age. Being able to recognize and express one’s own feelings is an important foundation for other skills needed later in life. Parents can encourage these basic skills in children by implementing praise properly.

Wise King Solomon once said, "Pride causes problems." Can praise cultivate pride? Certainly. Praise that is aimed directly at a person has a direct influence on his or her ego, for example saying, “YOU’re so beautiful, strong, or nice!” or “YOU’re such a good cook, driver or artist.” When these kinds of compliments are often repeated, pride is nurtured.

Consequently, it is better to leave the word “you” out and compliment actions and products rather than the person who did or produced them. So, instead of, “You can draw so nicely!” we would better say, “I really like that drawing!” In this way, attention is drawn to the object, the product or the accomplishment, rather than to the person directly.

Some temperaments, especially melancholies (BLOG), react quite adversely to compliments directed at them personally. With them, it is especially recommended to stay at the objective level and avoid “you” compliments. This will make communication easier for all concerned.

Learning how to handle both successes and failures can be very challenging. Having good role models for how to deal with winning and losing games can be very helpful in learning those skills.

Performance Panic

If a child tends to give up in the face of difficulty, we can strengthen his or her will to keep trying by showing approval as partial successes are achieved. "I’m glad you tried again.” “It’s good you kept at it, in spite of the difficulties.” “Congratulations for not giving up too easily.”

The critical point is when we praise children for their talents and intelligence. That is dangerous business. A child should not be put up on a pedestal and learn to think his or her skills and talents are hereditary. “Either you have it, or you don’t.” This line of thought can create a fear of performance in children. It is actually a fear of making mistakes, because a mistake would indicate a lack of intelligence or a defect in them as a person.

7 Points on Praising People (Children)

We all need praise and appreciation, especially children! Parents reinforce positive behavior in their children through praise, and children learn through it. Praise is simply part and parcel of educating children well. Giving each other compliments and motivating children with positive input strengthens self-awareness and family life in general.

1. Prudent Praise

We all need praise and appreciation, especially children! Parents reinforce positive behavior in their children through praise, and children learn through it. Praise is simply part and parcel of educating children. Giving each other compliments and motivating children with positive input strengthens self-awareness and family life in general.

2. Precise Praise

A blanket statement like “Great!” or “Well done!” often holds little meaning for children.

• Clearly formulated praise helps a child to get his or her bearings on “Mount Achievement” and recognize what he or she actually did well. For example, “The colors were well chosen,” for the picture he or she is drawing.
• In this way, one can adapt praise to the achievement at hand to make it varied and stimulating.
• General verbalizations can demotivate children when followed by specific critique, whether by the same person or someone else. Since they understood the general compliment personally, they will also take the critique personally. The safest course is to stick with the facts. 

3. Praise for Production

Try not to compliment the personality, skills and talents of a child (“You’re so artistic!”), but rather the effort and dedication he or she demonstrated ("The lines in this picture are very straight and carefully done!”). By praising the effort and energy the child put into a task, we can strengthen his or her self-awareness. It’s important to not only recognize the finished product, but also to show appreciation for the work and process that produced it. These are the aspects the child can influence.

4. No Praise

Praising banalities and things that should be a matter of course communicate a low standard of expectation: the child will think you are content with low achievements and that you don’t believe he or she can do much better. They are also not motivated to give their best. It’s good to set goals and praise efforts made toward reaching them.

5. Perfect Pattern for Praise

There is actually no hard and fast basic rule for the perfect amount of praise. Complimenting too little and too seldom produces discontent: people who don’t get compliments for special achievements can eventually lose their motivation. On the other hand, constant praise can becomes tedious. Its effect is weakened, and the credibility of the one who gives it may be called into question. Too much praise can also create dependence, in which people only produce when persuaded by praise. In such cases, their natural, intrinsic motivation has been weakened or completely eradicated. (BLOG)

6. Punctual Praise

Words of affirmation and praise should be given promptly on the heels of positive behavior: a compliment given an hour after the fact is significantly less effective. Because the brain stores information in different areas sequentially, an immediate compliment will be coupled with the action, and the good feelings will always be associated with it. If the positive reinforcement occurs an hour later, the words of praise will be saved in another file in the brain and will not be as effective for motivational purposes. Dog owners are well acquainted with the truth of this principle. The opposite is also true.

7. Praise for Premiers

When a child is learning a new skill or behavior, it is a good idea to give them a little more incentive at the outset. We as adults also appreciate encouragement when we are trying to learn something new and difficult. Later, when the learned behavior is beginning to jell, a well-placed compliment now and then will help ensure a permanent place in the person’s practical experience.

Remember the important role of appreciation and recognition in the process of enhancing performance in adults as well as children. A team that works together, wins together! (BLOG)

Links:

• www.mit-kindern-lernen.ch/motivation-1-loben
• www.swissmom.ch/kind/erziehung/foerdern-und-unterstuetzen/kinder-richtig-loben

Praiseworthy Praise (Part 1)

It’s quite a challenging thought: Is it really possible to make a mistake when showing appreciation and giving compliments and praise? I’ve been doing it all my life, and nobody has ever died as a consequence! What could go wrong? Well, you just might be surprised. And by the way, words of praise and appreciation are one of the five love languages (BLOG). So it would certainly be valuable for couples to understand it better.

Praise – a Matter of Culture

Dear Reader, I’m glad to see you are interested in this topic. You have no doubt had many practical experiences with it: you have often been praised and have complimented others, whether children, students, friends or strangers. Words of appreciation are often spoken spontaneously, without giving them much thought.

Every culture has its unique characteristics. In German speaking cultures, praise is given spontaneously, without thinking about the reasons for or against it. On the other hand, in Japan giving compliments is sensitive business. If you say, “Your presentation was great!” to a Japanese person, your well-meant comment could cause him or her great bewilderment, leaving them wondering about your intentions. To praise there you often point out your own deficiencies rather than the amazing feat of the praised. The best compliments are given by asking for counsel or help to replicate an accomplishment. .

In the world of sports, everyone vies for attention and a prize, medals and glory. There are only a few winners and lots of losers! In our meritocracy, it is especially important to make a good showing, or at least a good show, in the face of defeat.

Questions on Praise

• Is it possible to praise too much?
• How much praise is good?
• Can I spoil my child with too much praise?
• How shall I praise? What shall I say?
• In what ways do quality and quantity matter?

Should the scale be loaded with enough critique, failures and discouragement on one side to balance out the praise, encouragement and success on the other? Will that keep a person in balance? Studies show that it takes five positive experiences to balance out a negative one. Might that statistic also be applicable to children? 

What standard of measurement do we use to decide? Is it flexible according to the age of those we are dealing with? What about our rod for measuring a child’s accomplishments? When we consider the fact that children are constantly growing, aging and changing, it is clear that the educator’s bar must continually be adjusted!

Nowadays children have scores of opportunities to choose from in which they can develop and practice motivation. In this way, they are privileged above earlier generations. The most important thing to keep in mind about motivation is not to over or under challenge them. (BLOG)

Definition of Praise

Wikipedia: “Praise refers to positive evaluations made by a person of another's products, performances, or attributes, where the evaluator presumes the validity of the standards on which the evaluation is based.”

The communication of praise can transpire by verbal or physical expression, such as gestures and other body language. Praise is also an important ingredient in the psychology of learning and motivation. The opposite term is criticism or disapproval.

So, to praise someone is to express some form of positive communication about a person, accomplishment, situation or idea.

Psychological and Pedagogical Aspects

Most children and adults are very open for sincere praise, and their feelings of self-worth and self-confidence rise as a result. Very few people, mostly autistic, show little if any reaction to positive reinforcement.

Educational scientists have often posed the question of how and how much praise should be given. We find an early example of this in The Science of Education. This book, which came out in 1866, tells of the RISKS of inappropriate praise as follows: 

• Children who do not receive praise can feel neglected
• A child’s feelings of self-worth can become dependent on the satisfaction of the educator
• A child can become so accustomed to praise that he or she will expect it often

In order to avoid these problems, the author recommends the following:

• Before giving praise, carefully investigate the act in question, including the child’s motive
• Praise sparingly, using carefully chosen words
• Instead of comparing one child’s achievement with the achievements of other children, one should praise the progress made by the individual

Some authors reject praise as an educational tool entirely because it refers to a finished deed. They claim genuine encouragement will produce much better results.

Research shows that praise is most effective when it refers to a person’s behavior and actions, and NOT to their person, as such.

Praise that is directed at personal characteristics can actually be harmful. For example, children who are praised for their intelligence are more likely to give up and achieve less than those who are praised for their effort. Researchers at Ohio University did a study in 2015 showing that children whose parents highly praised them and their achievements are more likely to develop narcissist tendencies. That is perhaps the reason why we see more and more narcissism these days!

It’s all about appreciation and acceptance. "I like you." "You are valuable." It might be unwise to try to communicate these important values with a sentence like "You are the best!" Pride produces trouble.

Different Kinds of Praise

Self-praise

Praising oneself is often seen as arrogant and boastful. The phrase that is used to criticize such behavior cuts directly to the chase: “Self-praise stinks.” The only time self-praise is justified is when used in self-defense to counter false accusations.  

Proper Praise Promotes Performance

Praise can get old and boring. Variety is important. Well-directed praise can especially help in sensitive situations. It formulates one particular achievement that we appreciate. It must also be directed at something the child has influence over, for example, independence, effort, teamwork, following the rules or sticking to an agreement.     

Self-Image – Static or Dynamic

Static Self-Image  perception

Carol Dweck, Professor of Psychology at Stanford University, says people with a static self-image are convinced that their characteristics are all inherited. They must not, and cannot, change. Every new situation is another test that will prove they are intelligent or dumb, loved or unloved, winners or losers. They are what they are. Fear of making mistakes paralyzes them.

These children may well be intellectually interested as adults, but they will be unable to put the knowledge they gain into practice. They will not be able to profit from it. This type of self-image  can result from their experience with too much misguided praise.

People who have a dynamic self-image believe they can grow and develop their characters and characteristics. One failure is no reason to give up. On the contrary, they are convinced of their ability to influence circumstances in their lives. They overcome their fear of making mistakes by increasing their performance levels. Well-directed praise helps cultivate this self-image in young people.

This type of person loves advancement and progress, continuing education, acquiring knowledge and putting it to practical use in life. One is inclined to assume that being married to such a person would be a truly joyful state!

This begs the question: What kind of a self-image do you have? What is you attitude toward change, improvement and progress in character?

Stay tuned for part 2 of „Praiseworthy Praise,“ coming up next week!

Links:

• www.mit-kindern-lernen.ch/motivation-1-loben
• www.swissmom.ch/kind/erziehung/foerdern-und-unterstuetzen/kinder-richtig-loben

Unconditional Love in Marriage

Anyone who opens up to this type of love in a relationship will experience miracles!

I hope you were able to take a look at the two previous blogs on this topic:

CONDITIONAL LOVE - GOOD OR BAD ?

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE - THE BEST OF THE BEST

Let me repeat briefly:

There are always reasons in a marriage to put the blame on the partner when there is a conflict. we're world champions in that, aren't we? As soon as you overlook it and look for the solution instead of depressing your partner, then you are on the right track.

We have also found out that there can be conditional and unconditional love in any type of relationship. If these components are positively aligned, the relationship can benefit significantly.

Unconditional love is love for love's sake.

She survives all challenges and all disappointments.

• Unconditional love does not expect the other to do something concrete or to return love.

• It shows itself in loyalty and understanding, even if the other has made a mistake.

• It shows in caring and empathic action, e.g. when the other is sick or weak.

• Unconditional love is a goal in a two-person relationship and leads to charity.

• Ultimately, completely unconditional love can only be found in God's source of love.

We find this love nowadays especially in young mothers who treat their babies in this way. If we could transfer that to the adult level, the world would look different.

In this we men can't quite keep up with the ladies! But we can be inspired by this motherly love.

Where else can we find unconditional love?

All people who have access to the Christian faith can recognize and experience this love there. The fact that a Creator God cares for us from infinitely far away, in which he tries to save us from our lousy situation, even allows himself to be ridiculed and finally tormented and dies without having placed a condition on us, then shows this potential for love, which cannot be found anywhere else, in any other religion. Unique, sensational.

To meet the Creator God in His created nature is a special experience for many believers.

Whoever opens up to this thought has access to unconditional love, which can then be reflected in his own life. It penetrates our heart and can change it in a positive way. If you want to try this out, you can read the last chapters of the four Gospels under prayer. There you meet the love climax, the love source.

Whoever understands God's love can get along well with everyone because he can see it through 'God's eye'. Even loving one's enemies is then possible.

In relationships

We will stop re-educating our partner. Even if we think it is for the benefit of the partner. We concentrate on accepting it a priori as it is, including the weaknesses. We are happy about our partner because he is our friend who has chosen me as a person. We are a team and we will not let anyone destroy this cooperation. Not even by myself. This eliminates many unnecessary fears, which promotes love motivation, which leads to positive changes and reduces weaknesses.

He who loves his wife loves himself (Eph 5:28)

This verse got under my skin. Could it be that if I react nervously and awkwardly to my wife that I actually have a problem with myself?

I wanted to test this out. And every time I was impatient with Terri, I had to admit that I was actually not at peace with myself. Give it a try!

Every time I stopped nagging and went inside to find out and clear up the dissonance.

A pair that sticks together through thick and thin is unbeatable. Such a team is formed by mutual victories and defeats on the basis of unconditional love.

Without pride and selfishness, most problems could be solved in 5 minutes!

This sentence has it all. He wants to show that we often move far away from selflessness and humility. Our society promotes pride and individuality so much that we too are tempted to do so. But with that we build social walls.

Suggestion: With the next problem, try to deal analytically with what YOUR own pride or selfishness could be. If you recognize him, then it is also easy to recognize him in your partner. Often it is even easier to spot the mistakes in the partner. You tend to be 'blind' to yourself.

Knowing yourself is the best way to get better

Where there is pride, there are problems. Those who can grasp their ego have great advantages in improving their emotional intelligence, let's say their social skills. Nothing stands in the way of quality relationships. This applies to all social levels, including the professional level.

Pride is socially recognized and trained. He brought us many wars. He blinds us and closes us off to the needs of others. Nothing against the joy of performance and quality. But pride comes before the fall. Humility builds up and leads to peace.

Unconditional love in a two-person relationship

It is important to make a conscious start. Even if only one partner starts doing it, there is a profit. Sure, there is a risk of exploitation and injury. But only if you can be exploited and injured. Those who are at peace with themselves, who have accepted themselves completely, also lose this fear. Unconditional love is not an unconditional surrender! On the contrary. She lets herself be extremely valuable. An added value with high self-worth.

Married couples can really build each other up, help, promote, convey self-worth, go through challenges or be carried. That forms the quality of the relationship.

The speed of maturation increases the stronger the will of both partners. Couples can switch from unhappy to happy in just one month. But then you have to be able to let go, forgive the old injuries and be ready for a new beginning. It's quick to write, but corresponds to deeper inner struggles and victories over yourself. Anyone who needs help can knock on Jesus at any time, who has promised to help. Because God is love, and whoever is in love is in God and God is in him!

Characteristics for unconditional love are:

Concerning yourself:

• Recognize your own strengths and weaknesses

• See and express the good in critical moments

• Replace 'love substitute gratifications' with goal-oriented action

• Delight in truth, authenticity and integrity

• Instead of manipulation, live respect, also towards yourself

• Decision on the path of maturation

• Patience brings you further, encourages listening to yourself and others

• It's not the feelings that count, it's the decision

• Become master of circumstances - be disaster-independent

At the beginning of every conscious change is the decision: "Yes, I want to go this way." If this motivation remains, then nothing stands in the way that cannot be mastered.

Regarding relationship:

• Modesty, loyalty, reliability

• Trust without control

• miss each other without jealousy

• Interest in time together

• Interest in truth and authenticity

• find each other without getting lost

• live respect instead of manipulation

• Security without loss of freedom

• Say "sorry" and mean it

• Accept and give help

• Interest in the partner's well-being, promotion

• Pray for one another, educate one another, read together

Every day gives us the opportunity to show the partner that we are a team, stick together, tackle problems together, think and feel for one another, support one another and like one another. What a chance!

• Regarding the environment:

• Respect for all living things

• Respect for the rights of others and their property

• Patiently addressing obvious problems of social need

• Gratitude, honesty, kindness in everything you do

• Quality awareness - quality wins

Many people don't know how bad things are for them. They need help, maybe from YOU, to be cleared up what unconditional love actually is, that there is much more value in life than they assumed. Because everyone is looking for love. Everyone needs them urgently.

Living love results in a highly qualified life, living together and suffering; it helps to feel the wishes, longings and needs of the other as one's own and not to lose oneself in them.

May many people benefit and choose from this love and be blessed by it.

I am happy to support you on this path. Book an appointment under Beratung/Counseling