Proper Listening - A Guarantee for Success

You’ve been there. You have something on your mind and want to tell someone how you are and what’s bothering you. The other person, however, is not really listening. which can easily lead to misunderstandings.

Correct Listening - an Ingenious Quality

Unfortunately, most people tend to listen poorly. Good listeners have often developed this skill by consciously working on it, or they may have a job where listening is important. Those who have learned to listen are always an asset to their surroundings.

But what does it mean to be a good listener? How can you be a better listener and give your counterpart a feeling of appreciation? In the following, I would like to give you 3 tips that will help you become a better listener.

We Are Different

Sure, men and women are equipped differently. We know that this also applies to our brain functions. While women have a strongly developed left hemisphere of the brain, where emotions live, men are right-brained. Which helps them cover more cognitive areas of life and thus take responsibility for family and work.

Women, who are potential mothers, are well-equipped to cater to their children's educational needs. We men can't quite keep up with that.

Men tend to be more intellectual. This should be a blessing to the family, not cause him to pull away from them.

No matter what culture, mothers have the best qualities when it comes to caring for and looking after toddlers. However, we men can provide good help and direction in their upbringing; not pampering, but strengthening the children so that they can become balanced adults.

Why is Good Listening so Important?

It is a deep need of every human being to be loved and respected by others. Through our daily interactions with our fellow human beings, we store the result of one of the most important questions that we carry around with us: AM I LOVED? WHO LOVES ME?

The answer to this question impacts our sleep, our performance and our quality of life.

LOVE (LINK) is the main source of motivation in life.

The more high quality love we receive, the stronger our motivation in every other area of life will be.

If I am not understood by others in my way of thinking and living, if I am rejected and disregarded, my love tank will suffer considerably (LINK).

But if I can enjoy attentive and active listening (repeating what has been said in one’s own words), I’m all set. My emotional love tank (LINK) will be filled and refilled and life will be a joy.

When we practice active listening, we strengthen our fellow human beings and help them enjoy a higher quality of life. Therefore, active listening is a key component of happiness!

1. LISTEN ACTIVELY

Active listening involves eye contact and conversation. It tries to understand the other person's perspective. Bad listeners just take in what is said passively, if at all. If you want to listen carefully, you can give the other person a short feedback to confirm what you have heard in your own words. This will make him or her feel happy and understood.

An Example

Suppose your wife tells you she is very stressed from all the work and      added hassle at home. If you listen poorly, you would reply something like, “Oh, this will pass! I also have a lot on my mind, but at some point it will get better. "

A good listener shows understanding and empathy. Your reaction could be as follows: “I am sorry that you are going through a stressful phase. It sounds like you're feeling overwhelmed. How are you doing exactly with that?” The focus is clearly on the other person. You don't just assume how the other person is feeling, but ask questions - you change your perspective and take the other person seriously.

My wife is a good listener - thank God. As a teacher and adult educator, I also had to acquire this important skill. Active listening is a recipe for success in many professions.

2. Don't Give Rash Advice

Good advice is hard to come by. Many people do not understand when advice is desired and when their counterpart just wants to be confirmed. Be careful with your advice: only give it when asked. The difference between you and the other person is quite simple: the other person knows the whole story - you don't. You never have the same knowledge of a situation, feelings or actions as your counterpart.

How can you make an informed decision and offer good advice? We all often fall into the trap of giving advice, thinking we're helping the other person. However, it is better to help our counterpart to make the right decision for him- or herself. Recognize whether you are being asked for advice or whether the other person wants confirmation.

This can be wonderfully trained, especially in bringing up children: helping the child get on the right track so he or she can come to an intelligent and informed decision.

3. Judgment-free Communication

Similar to giving advice, caution applies to our internal evaluation processes. This can be very difficult, especially for people who have good judgment. When listening, our communication should first and foremost be free of condemnation. Listen. Be there for the other person. You never know the full story, you don't know why people feel the way they feel in certain situations. Try to accept this. Be empathetic and try to put yourself in the other person's position.

How do you react when you realize you are not being listened to carefully?

Would you say you are a good listener?

There is no real argument against love. Those who invest in it will be rewarded. Everyone can  learn something. And our communication skills and social skills are a guarantee of success. Therefore – I  wish you every success !!

Summary

It is obvious that active listening, giving advice very carefully and wisely and promoting your own values ​​not verbally but practically, all of this has to do with real LOVE. Depending on the quality of love we have learned, it is harder or easier for us to integrate these methods into our own everyday life. I wish you every success with this.

Better DUET instead of DUEL

What a joy when husband and wife together make the family a community effort with the goal of building a meaningful, good future for themselves and the children! But reality shows that these are the exceptions. This blog would like to encourage the reader to take a step forward here.

Wikipedia on DUEL and DUETT

DUET

Duo Latin means 'two'. A duet is a musical work by two musicians (ensemble) or two (vocal) soloists. Even in nature there are animals where two partners sing in a duet.

DUEL

Latin duellum means 'duel'. This means a voluntary duel with the same, potentially deadly weapons, where honor disputes are fought according to traditionally established rules. Duels are prohibited in most countries.

It's easy to judge someone else's action if you set your preferences as the default!

Important is:

Don't waste a good conflict!

Recognize the chances of conflict. Every conflict has growth potential. It shows the way to reality and truth and points to something really important. He also shows the need for adjustment, because the situation can quickly lead to improvement and more maturity.

It quickly becomes clear that your own personality has a strong influence on the result when resolving conflicts. The following are some hot questions that you may be able to answer for yourself:

How do you tend to deal with daily conflicts? (LINK)

• Do you lose a lot of energy, do you quickly become insecure, lose your balance and do not know how to find a solution?

• Can you say NO with kind eyes, even thank you, or ‘the moment is bad’, or do you refer nicely to rules or principles and know how to say the right thing at the right time? EXCELLENT!

Do you have a mature temperament, (LINK)

• who has learned to look for the benefits, the truth and thus a good solution in conflicts?

• or do you not care, but it is important that you see your honor saved?

What did you build your self-worth on? (LINK)

• Is your track record more important than your relationships?

• Do you only agree to a conflict resolution when a profit is secured?

• Or are the relationships more important to you than anything else so that you do not have any relationship problems?

Do you know the partner's love languages ​​or your own? (LINK)

• Could it be that that conflict just trampled on one of the five love languages ​​at the partner?

• Was there perhaps too much reprimand instead of recognition?

• Was physical or linguistic rigor used instead of tenderness?

• Has practical help perished in the conflict?

Which of the following variants did you support in the last conflict? (LINK)

RETREAT? - fleeing the conflict area in a hurry, avoidance announced and everything swept under the carpet?

PUSH THROUGH? - was it about definitely asserting yourself, whatever the cost?

COMPROMISE? - did you try to reach a compromise, where everyone moves away from their demands and comes up to something until the partner is satisfied?

GIVE IN? - was it easier to just give in, to submit and for harmony to forego important things?

COOPERATION? - or did you opt for the best solution in most cases, which relies on creative cooperation and pursues an optimal solution with mutual interests?

Often the roles taken make conflict resolution more difficult. Are you a teacher who is used to being a referee, always being right and therefore used to making decisions for 'subordinates'? Then it is much more challenging to look for a solution together democratically, sensitively, benevolently.

Self-awareness is crucial

We have seen that who we are plays a crucial role in conflict management. Those who live in balance have quickly found a healthy solution. Interesting that this topic is also addressed in the Bible. I particularly like Paul's statement in Ephesians chapter 5 verse 28:

If you love your spouse, you love yourself!

So if I know my deficits and strengths, I'm more likely to recognize them in others. This makes it much easier to solve everyday challenges.

Ask yourself how much you love yourself. If you can roughly answer that and compare it with the quality of love that you show your partner, then this sentence above will be more understandable to you.

Self-love and social competence (LINK)

These two important components determine our quality of life. Anyone who invests here will be rewarded. Our fears disturb us. These should be replaced with positive arguments, namely with love thoughts. Those who base their thoughts on love have good fruits to reap.

In our Christian West, we have also developed Christian values. They can no longer be felt everywhere, but are still very important. Here are some:

• Respect your neighbor

• Respect your neighbor higher than yourself

• Every person is lovable

• Together we are stronger

Of course, our understanding of love, be it conditional or unconditional (LINK), plays an important role. Our need for harmony and acceptance can also be very important when it comes to the outcome of a conflict. Here are some key words that can be supportive:

• Not all conflicts are solvable

• Why not give the humor a little space too?

• It is better to discuss at the factual level than at the guilt level

• If you can say ‘sorry’, you will help further

• Instead of building a wall, a positive basic attitude helps better

• Taking responsibility and giving trust helps

I wish you every success in your next conflict !!

A Life with JESUS? Wow!!

Marriage and love quality

Maybe you are married. Hopefully happy. It is clear: If you get so close to a person, sleep in the same room and are actually ready to share everything - at least in the infatuation phase - then you have the privilege of having a deeper relationship than is generally the case. You can even get so close that closeness can hurt, right?

How deep can a relationship go? Although the divorce rate is over 50% these days, there are still happy couples. Hopefully you know of such. What is the difference between them and the divorced? So there has to be a quality of relationship, many of which have no idea that it exists at all. Unfortunately.

Such a high quality relationship can also be called the conscious decision to go through life with JESUS every day.

Do you believe in a god?

It is obvious that believing in a God is not for everyone. However, if you take your life seriously, worry about the beginning and end of your life, then you might wonder: thanks to the microcosm we know that a caterpillar can become a butterfly without a designer. Where else can all this information come from. Lets remember the DNA - the most complex program ever - why can it function at all. A thinking person might ask the question of the origin like this.

Creation or Evolution?

It is a bigger challenge to form an objective opinion on this topic and not to look at tradition and people, but only at clean scientific facts. The history of our nature shows us the way.

Doesn't the belief in evolution or in a rationally impossible coincidence have to be greater than a belief in a creator god? Why do so many people find it difficult to believe? Perhaps because of our convenience, tradition, or educational quality. For me it is a scientifically logical consequence that a creator must have created this universe. Not all questions have been answered, but the tendencies and structures of life are given and fascinate me.

Let us assume that this creator god is a lovable God who knows all the absolutely necessary components that are needed for life to be possible in the universe at all. And He created it just for us little earth.

What kind of motivation would it take for this immensely intelligent God to send his son to this earth, as a human being without divine or at least human privileges such as noble family or wealth? Would you be willing to go as an ant into a disaster-stricken anthill to help them solve their problems?

Universal history

Scripture reports such a problem: sin. A highly talented angel, called Lucifer, is said to have been no longer satisfied with his status and wanted even greater privileges, yes to be like God. Through persuasion - arguments are found for every idea - he is said to have persuaded a third of his fellow angels.

Well, he tried the same with us humans and was successful. Since then we have been caught up in the struggle between good and evil. Some are bigger victims, others get away a little better. Anyone who can get an overview of the state of the world today and understands where abuse and destruction of body and soul occurs, will understand why this problem of sin requires a solution. It cannot go on like this, otherwise humanity will destroy itself.

What is love?

So this wise God has decided to send His own Son to us humans, to give relief from this dilemma to all who seek access to His love and want to accept His offer. A gift that corresponds to the result of an extremely great, universally significant love that cannot be found in humans.

It is this love that can drive us to broaden our own understanding of love that we have received with our upbringing until we can have a marriage relationship in a happy community.

Love doesn't compel. This is an important universal concept that God wants to share with us. It is a loving offer that we are offered in the person of JESUS ​​to accept His efforts to restore our relationship with God and heal fears and deficits. What an opportunity! Universal uniqueness! Those who are interested in real love cannot help but be fascinated by such a quality of love.

What is real love? Are they just good feelings? Or is it more of a consistently positive character, who wishes the best in the long term for his fellow human beings and himself and who works for the good?

JESUS ​​offer

It is this love that frees us from misfortune, makes us independent of circumstances, redeems us from sinful causes. That's why Jesus died for us, for you. HE would like to invite you to accept his offer. He wants to make it clear to all of us that if I am interested in love, in His love, He wants to give us a new life, a new life with Him. This is a step into a relationship with JESUS ​​that breaks our human limits and enables divine dimensions.

JESUS ​​is the personified LOVE of God. Thanks to JESUS, we have been given the opportunity to enter into an eternal love community after resolving this sin problem. Eternal life is a gift with which our dear God wants to make us happy for all our experienced and self-made sins.

The problem of sin, personified in Lucifer and his demons, will be solved. Everyone is responsible for their lives. Everyone has to take responsibility for their actions. A divine judgment will restore justice to all who have chosen HIM and will compensate, liberate and reward everyone. What an offer! Do you want to accept it too?

If you have chosen JESUS ​​as your life partner, then another, indeed an exciting life begins. JESUS ​​is always good for a surprise. Precisely because He knows the micro and macro cosmos so well that He wants us to share in their advantages. This is shown, for example, in miracles, in the understanding of His healing laws, in the knowledge of His conditioned and unconditional love (LINK) and in a new quality of life. He says that whoever cares about His wisdom should only ask HIM. Then he would receive it. Nice, is it not?

Imagine a young family who understands this love and applies it every day. Isn't it a pleasure to see how this family is a light in this mostly dark world?

Be a master of circumstances

"Rejoice always," Paul wrote to the Philippians (4: 4). By holding on and hoping for a life afterwards, it is actually possible to become master of your own, sometimes awkward, circumstances. After numerous beatings on the back, Paul and Silas were able to sing praises in a Roman prison.

Whoever knows that he/she is a child of God and can call God his father - this person lives in another world. All self-worth problems (LINK) have been solved. You no longer have to be afraid. Just be free from all the fear of loss and self-worth complexes. God is a uniquely sensational Father who takes his function so seriously that He wants to educate us to be strong, lovable people who will also fit into His eternal community. What hope! Don't you want to be there too?

How to get to know JESUS ​​better?

Those who want to get to know JESUS ​​better can do so by reading the four Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John). There you meet JESUS, how he dealt with people of his time. His statements are eternal. Very interesting.

There is no good argument against real love. Anyone who wants to get to know LOVE is best served by JESUS.

What JESUS also appreciates if you want to have contact with HIM, is conversation. What I mean with that is known as prayer. He is happy when we talk to HIM and He wants to tackle our challenges. Try it. He will answer, sometimes by his word (Bible), sometimes with impressions, dreams, ideas, sometimes also with other people, whom He uses as His children. It doesn't always go as quickly as we would sometimes like. But it enables HIM to give us a gift as listed in the book to Galatians 5: 22-23. These include: LOVE, JOY, PEACE, PATIENCE, FRIENDLINESS, BENEFITS, FAITH, HUMILITY, SELF-DISCIPLINE. That is considered the fruit of His spirit. It's a great offer, isn't it?

If you have any questions, just get in touch. I like to receive such emails. (ernst.zwiker@yahoo.com)