Life Wisdom

Most people love truth when it is not uncomfortable. But sometimes it is. Then other factors count that we need to get ahead in life. To get closer to the truth in as many areas of life as possible - e.g. in nutrition, upbringing, marriage, family and faith - these wisdoms should contribute to this.

Suggestion:

This is followed by a lot of biblical and other wisdom that I have gathered over the years and that have become personally important to me.

So that it doesn't get too much, the best thing to do is to choose a topic and a verse from it and then take it back to everyday life so that it is not forgotten again. By doing this, you and your relationships will gain from this wisdom.

Marriage - Relationship

The man owed his allegiance to the woman, and so likewise the woman to the man. 1. Cor 7: 2

Love

Love is patient and kind; she knows no envy, she does not act, she is not conceited.

It does not behave tactlessly, it does not seek its own advantage, it does not lose control, it does not hold anything against anyone (it forgives).

Love does not rejoice when injustice is done, but where truth wins it rejoices too. She endures everything, believes in every situation, always hopes, and withstands everything. 1. Cor 13: 4-7

What a gift: a married couple who love each other, who stand up for each other and support each other.

Relationships Among Fellow Human Beings

A sincere answer is a sign of real friendship. Proverbs 24:26

Those who show compassion and help the poor receive rich blessings. Proverbs 22: 6

Because injustice will prevail, love will grow cold in many. Matthew 24:12

Where there are many people there is also a lot of challenge. But those who think and feel FOR their fellow human beings have also accepted themselves. Wonderful!

Relationship With Jesus

So God loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, so that all who believe in him would not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

The Lord is near to all who call on him; all who sincerely call him. Psalm 145: 18

He fulfills the longings and desires of those who are in awe of him; He hears when you scream for help and save you. Psalm 145: 19

I have the Lord always before my eyes; because he's on my right, I don't waver. Psalm 16: 8

But HE is wounded for our iniquity and bruised for our sin. The punishment is on HIM that we may have peace, and through his wounds we are healed. Isaiah 53: 5

For I know well what thoughts I have about you, says the Lord. Thoughts of frustration, not sorrow. That I give you a future and hope. Jeremiah 29:11

JESUS ​​had a heart for his fellow human beings and their needs. Nobody overlooked him. He wants to help ALL people. Wonderful.

Come to me, all of you who are troublesome and burdensome; I want to refresh you. Take up my yoke and learn from me; for I am meek and humble in heart; so you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is gentle and my burden is light. Matthew 11: 28-30

Jesus says: I came so that they might have life in abundance. John 10:10

As the Father loved me, so I loved you. Stay in my love John 15: 9

This is my command that you love one another, just as I love you. John 15:12

This woman learned a lot from Jesus. She learned what forgiveness really is. Jesus' words “Sin no more!” has certainly given her strength to align her lifestyle with Jesus. Thank God.

Nobody has greater love than that he gives up his life for his friends. Joh 15:13

You are my friends if you do what I tell you. John 15:14

But we know that all things serve for the best of those who love God, those who are purpose called. Romans 8:28

Love is the fulfillment of the law. And because we know that the hour has come, let's get up from sleep. Romans 13: 10-11

It is part of our prerogative to possibly experience JESUS ​​second coming in person! Wouldn't that be sensational! O Lord, have mercy on us. We look forward to your appearance in the clouds soon.

A Life with JESUS? Wow!!

Marriage and love quality

Maybe you are married. Hopefully happy. It is clear: If you get so close to a person, sleep in the same room and are actually ready to share everything - at least in the infatuation phase - then you have the privilege of having a deeper relationship than is generally the case. You can even get so close that closeness can hurt, right?

How deep can a relationship go? Although the divorce rate is over 50% these days, there are still happy couples. Hopefully you know of such. What is the difference between them and the divorced? So there has to be a quality of relationship, many of which have no idea that it exists at all. Unfortunately.

Such a high quality relationship can also be called the conscious decision to go through life with JESUS every day.

Do you believe in a god?

It is obvious that believing in a God is not for everyone. However, if you take your life seriously, worry about the beginning and end of your life, then you might wonder: thanks to the microcosm we know that a caterpillar can become a butterfly without a designer. Where else can all this information come from. Lets remember the DNA - the most complex program ever - why can it function at all. A thinking person might ask the question of the origin like this.

Creation or Evolution?

It is a bigger challenge to form an objective opinion on this topic and not to look at tradition and people, but only at clean scientific facts. The history of our nature shows us the way.

Doesn't the belief in evolution or in a rationally impossible coincidence have to be greater than a belief in a creator god? Why do so many people find it difficult to believe? Perhaps because of our convenience, tradition, or educational quality. For me it is a scientifically logical consequence that a creator must have created this universe. Not all questions have been answered, but the tendencies and structures of life are given and fascinate me.

Let us assume that this creator god is a lovable God who knows all the absolutely necessary components that are needed for life to be possible in the universe at all. And He created it just for us little earth.

What kind of motivation would it take for this immensely intelligent God to send his son to this earth, as a human being without divine or at least human privileges such as noble family or wealth? Would you be willing to go as an ant into a disaster-stricken anthill to help them solve their problems?

Universal history

Scripture reports such a problem: sin. A highly talented angel, called Lucifer, is said to have been no longer satisfied with his status and wanted even greater privileges, yes to be like God. Through persuasion - arguments are found for every idea - he is said to have persuaded a third of his fellow angels.

Well, he tried the same with us humans and was successful. Since then we have been caught up in the struggle between good and evil. Some are bigger victims, others get away a little better. Anyone who can get an overview of the state of the world today and understands where abuse and destruction of body and soul occurs, will understand why this problem of sin requires a solution. It cannot go on like this, otherwise humanity will destroy itself.

What is love?

So this wise God has decided to send His own Son to us humans, to give relief from this dilemma to all who seek access to His love and want to accept His offer. A gift that corresponds to the result of an extremely great, universally significant love that cannot be found in humans.

It is this love that can drive us to broaden our own understanding of love that we have received with our upbringing until we can have a marriage relationship in a happy community.

Love doesn't compel. This is an important universal concept that God wants to share with us. It is a loving offer that we are offered in the person of JESUS ​​to accept His efforts to restore our relationship with God and heal fears and deficits. What an opportunity! Universal uniqueness! Those who are interested in real love cannot help but be fascinated by such a quality of love.

What is real love? Are they just good feelings? Or is it more of a consistently positive character, who wishes the best in the long term for his fellow human beings and himself and who works for the good?

JESUS ​​offer

It is this love that frees us from misfortune, makes us independent of circumstances, redeems us from sinful causes. That's why Jesus died for us, for you. HE would like to invite you to accept his offer. He wants to make it clear to all of us that if I am interested in love, in His love, He wants to give us a new life, a new life with Him. This is a step into a relationship with JESUS ​​that breaks our human limits and enables divine dimensions.

JESUS ​​is the personified LOVE of God. Thanks to JESUS, we have been given the opportunity to enter into an eternal love community after resolving this sin problem. Eternal life is a gift with which our dear God wants to make us happy for all our experienced and self-made sins.

The problem of sin, personified in Lucifer and his demons, will be solved. Everyone is responsible for their lives. Everyone has to take responsibility for their actions. A divine judgment will restore justice to all who have chosen HIM and will compensate, liberate and reward everyone. What an offer! Do you want to accept it too?

If you have chosen JESUS ​​as your life partner, then another, indeed an exciting life begins. JESUS ​​is always good for a surprise. Precisely because He knows the micro and macro cosmos so well that He wants us to share in their advantages. This is shown, for example, in miracles, in the understanding of His healing laws, in the knowledge of His conditioned and unconditional love (LINK) and in a new quality of life. He says that whoever cares about His wisdom should only ask HIM. Then he would receive it. Nice, is it not?

Imagine a young family who understands this love and applies it every day. Isn't it a pleasure to see how this family is a light in this mostly dark world?

Be a master of circumstances

"Rejoice always," Paul wrote to the Philippians (4: 4). By holding on and hoping for a life afterwards, it is actually possible to become master of your own, sometimes awkward, circumstances. After numerous beatings on the back, Paul and Silas were able to sing praises in a Roman prison.

Whoever knows that he/she is a child of God and can call God his father - this person lives in another world. All self-worth problems (LINK) have been solved. You no longer have to be afraid. Just be free from all the fear of loss and self-worth complexes. God is a uniquely sensational Father who takes his function so seriously that He wants to educate us to be strong, lovable people who will also fit into His eternal community. What hope! Don't you want to be there too?

How to get to know JESUS ​​better?

Those who want to get to know JESUS ​​better can do so by reading the four Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John). There you meet JESUS, how he dealt with people of his time. His statements are eternal. Very interesting.

There is no good argument against real love. Anyone who wants to get to know LOVE is best served by JESUS.

What JESUS also appreciates if you want to have contact with HIM, is conversation. What I mean with that is known as prayer. He is happy when we talk to HIM and He wants to tackle our challenges. Try it. He will answer, sometimes by his word (Bible), sometimes with impressions, dreams, ideas, sometimes also with other people, whom He uses as His children. It doesn't always go as quickly as we would sometimes like. But it enables HIM to give us a gift as listed in the book to Galatians 5: 22-23. These include: LOVE, JOY, PEACE, PATIENCE, FRIENDLINESS, BENEFITS, FAITH, HUMILITY, SELF-DISCIPLINE. That is considered the fruit of His spirit. It's a great offer, isn't it?

If you have any questions, just get in touch. I like to receive such emails. (ernst.zwiker@yahoo.com)

Conditional Love - Good or Bad?

As long as we walk in lockstep, everything is fine. What if not ?

All children grow up with conditional love. Her name is:

If you do what I want you will be fine.

"Thank you!" we say when the child does something nice to us. Isn't that conditional love, which shows that I reward good behavior with a thank you or even something sweet?

How does your reward system work? How do you use it and how do you react to reward yourself? It is said that money as a reward usually only has a short effect.

Our everyday learning processes shape us

1. Learning through identification and imitation

• .

• The joy of learning lies here in the person to be imitated
  
  Children see how we act and react and imitate ourselves.

• If we then pay attention to their behavior and reinforce it with our reaction, then we 'reward' or 'punish' their behavior.

• Allow me to call that conditional love. We give the child some kind of love, that is, important attention, because of his good or bad behavior.

What we show the children, they imitate us, whether we like it or not!

2. Trial and error learning

• Example: A child tries to tie his shoes. Not easy. It takes several attempts to succeed.

• The joy of learning lies in achieving goals in terms of skills (ability and knowledge).

• A large area of child learning occurs through this method.

• If the child makes the experiment independently of other people, then it is a neutral form of learning in this context.

• But as soon as we point out the error or the solution, then we enter into a relationship. We try to help when the person seeking help allows. Let's call this conditional love, since an error made our attention necessary.

This form of learning is important and helps the child to gain experience with himself. (Self worth). It is said that this is the most welcome form of adult learning. (Computer__)

3. Learning through insight

• Example: Children build a tower with different blocks. Certain children will notice that it is advantageous for stability if the large blocks are placed below and the smaller blocks above.

• The joy of this cognitive learning lies in the observation.

• The older a child is, the more it can gain insights for itself through developed logic.

• Of course, parents and teachers are happy to help promote this learning behavior. "That's logical!" we use to say.

• If we participate in this learning process in a balanced manner, the child can benefit a lot. If we do it in deficit (e.g. we are nervous, aggressive, disinterested), the child will be irritated because it cannot yet understand us.

The older we get, the more we can learn with this method for our school of life.

4. Learning through conditioning

• Example: "If you finish everything, you will get an ice cream."

• The joy of learning arises here from the attractiveness of the reward.

• There is, for example, classical conditioning, where I use a stimulus to first get the child to do something. That means, I reward them when they show this or that behavior. I will punish you if it is wrong.

• Parents who are particularly willing to bring up live this parenting method. Because this is the easiest way to control the child. They give attention and love wherever they want to take the child. Conditional funding. Conditional expression of parental love.

• ATTENTION: Such rewards should only introduce new behavior, but not dominate the child's behavior. The child must not become dependent on rewards, otherwise they will not actually have included the new behavior in their intrinsic motivation. As soon as the stimulus is no longer there, the 'learned' behavior also disappears. Such children learn to become lazy and demotivated.

Children can get so used to rewards that nothing works without them. This changes your intrinsic motivation into an extrinic one (from the outside), which can have a major impact on your life.

Let's summarize so far:

As soon as we come into contact with a child, a relationship quality that has to do with love becomes apparent. Acceptance or rejection, we find ourselves in this area of tension. In any case, this is how the child perceives it, even if we are not aware of it. Children are very sensitive to this. They perceive love or rejection as such immediately. To be valued is their basic need. You look for mirrored in the love of your mother. In this way they can perceive themselves as an individual who is accepted and loved.

Hugs from daddy and mommy are irreplaceable. Forming a unit together is probably the ultimate experience! This also applies to us adults, doesn't it?

Unfortunately, this happens little enough that many children go hungry. They don't just want to put up with and accept this hunger for love. No. You are doing everything you can to somehow resolve this dilemma. Depending on their child's reaction potential, they try, among other things, with screaming, anger, withdrawal, sadness and aggression. Depending on their age, they try to match the value system of their parents. E.g. performance praise, perfectionism, obedience ...

Getting sick is especially worthwhile. Because then the mother finally has time and is especially nice. This is how the child learns that they must have a handicap in order to be loved. This behavior is also lived as an adult. Dear 'Invalid' and cared for, so 'normal' and left alone.

We are best taken care of when we feel bad. Whoever has achieved this can turn it into a love-win game. Many people fill their empty emotional love tank in this way. This often seems like the best survival strategy.

Much of our behavior is conditional. Our relationship world works like this. If I act naughty, my surroundings punish me. You know that from your professional world. Conditions everywhere. You get your wages when you have performed well.

Because we are out to make a profit - see the blog - this system works so well.

What is GOOD and what is BAD about it?

Nature alone forces conditional love on us, because she has something against it if we jump down from the fifth floor onto the concrete floor. Our life is structured in such a way that we learn to respect natural boundaries. That is vital.

It is important for children to get to know these limits and their characteristics. This will help them learn what is important to your life.

If this learning is encouraged by parents who are really interested in balance and in the upbringing of the child, then there is a good chance that they can also apply good forms of conditional love.

However, if the parents are trapped in their own deficits and thus additionally stressed or booked out through work, so that upbringing becomes a necessary evil, then this will also affect the spontaneous applications of conditioned love. This can mean:

• too strict training (excessive demands on the child)

• too weak promotion (insufficient demand), neglect

• Continuous baiting (constant and excessive rewards) leads to reward addiction. The child only does something for a sugar. Otherwise nothing works. It becomes lazy or lacking in motivation and will need motivation and pressure from others to coercion in life in order to move forward.

• own ambition - usually more practiced in the first child - leaves the child less room to learn and can turn them into a perfectionist.

A sensible penalty system can certainly lead to success. For many children, imbalanced punishment leads to resignation or rebellion. This will put additional strain on their ability to form relationships.

Theological Dimension

If the child grows up within a conditioned love system, then they will understand the love of other people and God's love in this way. Theologically this will be expressed in a work righteousness where someone tries to earn eternal life through their own good works. The dimension of faith righteousness can only be recognized through an understanding of unconditional love. (see blog)

• In a marriage it can show up like this:

• If you love me, then I love you too

• I love you as long as you love me

• I love you as long as I feel like it

• If you keep insulting me, I'll make the wall and just stop listening

• He gave me a big present for my birthday, then I'll give him one too.

• If you do me a favor, I'll do you a favor too

• If you piss me off, I'll piss back

• If you accuse me (and it doesn't have to be meant that way), I'll defend myself immediately

• I will not forgive you for this mistake

• I can only give you as much trust as you deserve

The scope for behavior is visibly limited. Such lived relationships are usually stressful and hardly lead to mature love. This requires the unconditional love component. (see relevant blog).

Summary

We have seen that the conditioned component of love plays an important, even vital role in our lives. Our health depends on it, namely on keeping the laws of life. We have to learn to observe rules and limits, principles and regulations. If these are balanced, sensible, life-affirming, that is for our well-being and for our quality of life.

As soon as the conditions are administered by people who are malicious or neglectful, disinterested and seem over- or under-demanding, then fear tends to be promoted and thus love is diminished or prevented.

So conditional love can be good or bad!

If you want to add a question or comment, the program would like to know your email address so that you can be informed of any reaction messages. Your email address will only be used discreetly in case of need. I would be happy to hear from you. :-)

30 Days of Carrying My Wife

Our wedding was like a dream.

One night after 10 years of marriage, I dropped a bomb at dinner, "I want a divorce."

She didn’t scream or cry, but quietly asked, “Why?” I ignored the question. I didn’t know how to tell her I had fallen in love with someone else. I presented divorce papers, which I thought were quite generous. After looking over them quickly, she tore them up. We went to bed in separate rooms that night, but I could hear her crying softly. That bothered me, and I thought a little about our past…

We had had a good beginning together. She was the woman of my dreams. But somehow the magic disappeared. It’s difficult to say why or how. Our communication slowed and dwindled to a trickle. We lost interest in each other, and having a child didn’t help. We grew further and further apart, and nobody did anything about it. Well, once she tried to get me to go to a marriage counselor with her. But that was the last thing I wanted to do. They just think they know everything!

At some point I finally fell asleep.

In the morning, she surprised me with her own divorce papers. Feelings of guilt began to grow in me. I knew I had blown it.

The document contained the following conditions:

·         She wanted no monetary compensation. Hmmm… Surprising.

·         She requested that I stay for one more month and in that time we lead as normal a married life as possible. She explained that our son was already struggling in school and had exams to get through. She didn’t want to further upset him with our broken marriage. Reasonable enough.

·         Her last condition was really strange: she asked me to remember how I had carried her over the threshold on our wedding night and requested that I carry her from the bedroom to the front door every morning on my way to work for the next 30 days.

I thought that was absurd, but just to make our last days together bearable, I decided to go along with it. I figured I could stand it for a month.

That first morning we were both a little clumsy and stiff. We hadn’t been intimate with each other for a long while… But our son clapped behind us exclaiming, “Daddy is holding Mommy in his arms!” His words brought me a sense of pain. She closed her eyes and said softly, “Don’t tell our son about the divorce.” Some strange feelings stirred in me and I thought some more about our past.

I had to admit, I had been pretty selfish. Although I had promised to take care of her for the rest of my life, I had not done much. I had hardly taken the time to ask her how she was doing, or what she was thinking about. I hadn’t been much of a support, kind of left her to herself. I remembered how she had tried a few times to get closer to me, but my shortsightedness, and possibly fear, had caused me to repulse her efforts.

The second day, it went a little smoother. She leaned on my chest, and I could smell her perfume. For the first time I noticed she had wrinkles. She looked tired.

On the fourth day when I picked her up, a certain sense of intimacy began to return. This was the woman who had given me 10 years of her life. A week later I felt an old familiar feeling growing, something akin to love.

As the month slipped by, it became easier and easier to carry her. I thought maybe the workout was strengthening my muscles. Then, on the last morning, I saw her trying on different clothes, frustrated that nothing fit well. I suddenly realized she had lost a lot of weight. Was I the reason? Then our son bounced into the room and said, “Daddy, it’s time to carry Mommy out!” He had obviously embraced this new tradition wholeheartedly. I held her tightly that morning, like on our wedding day. I could hardly put her down at the front door.

As I drove to work that morning, I made a decision. When I arrived at the office, I rushed in and told Jane I had changed my mind and would not get a divorce.  She was shocked and angry… I was sorry, but I had decided I should be true to my wife till death do us part.

The marriage bed – a place of love, security and trust – or of walls, fear and escape

On the way home I picked up some flowers and wrote her a card,  “I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us part.” When I arrived at home, I bounded up the stairs, nervous and excited to give her the good news. She was still in bed and didn’t react to my voice: she just lay there motionless. I shook her and called her name. I was so confused. I called the ambulance, but it was too late: she was dead. Her doctor told me she had been fighting cancer for months – alone. She knew she would soon die, and wanted our son to remember me as a loving husband, who had lovingly carried his mommy to the door every morning.

Oh, how I miss my wife! If only…

To make dreams come true, we have to make PRO RELATIONSHIP decisions every day

Here’s a short video clip of the story, but be sure and have some Kleenex nearby…    Link