Every mother speaks this love language. Nobody can speak this language as well as mothers. But how can this be transferred to the children, or how can a child really fill their emotional tank with this love language, and this into adulthood?
You can get to know the 1st to 4th love language here:
LS1-Tenderness LS2-Praise LS3-Attention LS4-Gifts
Love language 5:
Love services
It's unbelievable what a mother can do for her family in the kitchen! She takes responsibility for the nutrition and health of the whole family.
Perhaps you as parents know the following: "What convinced me most of the love my parents had for me was and is their tireless commitment to my well-being. Every day my mother cooked well and healthy for me and my father gave me also helped where I needed him. " You usually hear sentences like this after the children have had children themselves, don't you?
The thought may sound a bit strange, but actually mother and father are a service company in some ways. As soon as a child is born, a 'contract' is signed for at least the next 18 years with the addition that one will also be available on call afterwards.
Providing service is demanding
Service is exhausting - physically and mentally. That is why we parents have to manage our resources well. Sufficient sleep and exercise, good and healthy nutrition, emotional stability thanks to a harmonious marriage are important factors here.
While we are constantly challenged in our business world to learn new things, to be up-to-date, many parents tend to be negligent in what is actually the most important area of life, the development of the offspring, our future. There is no more energy or motivation left for this. One cannot - so one thinks - earn 'money' with it. How can you be mistaken!
However, anyone who has recognized that the family is the most important good that we can ever 'own' - or better: be responsible - will not deny a constant willingness to learn, but will be open to new and enriching things. Bravo! says conscience and society, because the latter will not be able to benefit insignificantly from it.
The commitment of the men must not be overlooked either. They often provide a family's financial foundation. Unfortunately, there are times when they forget the importance of family relationships. Career thinking requires total commitment, which unfortunately the family then feels too often.
The Balance is Important
Such interested parents try to have their partner's love tank filled as much as possible. That makes the whole family life easier and livelier. Everything that hinders that is rationalized away. Ballast is thrown off. The better the parents work together in a team, the easier it is to raise the children.
Balance - a nice word. Life challenges us, there are opportunities for missteps everywhere. You have to use all your senses with common sense to distinguish important from unimportant and to be able to act accordingly.
Correct Help
See special Blog about this.
Sure, in theory we want the best for our children. But what does that mean? Giving gifts to the child can be dangerous as well as helping constantly. A mother will probably not put on his own shoes for a five-year-old who goes to kindergarten. She knows that HELP FOR SELF-HELP is required here, yes, it is a must. This means that our kind of help must be adapted to the age of the child. If the toddler falls over quickly, a wise mother shouldn't constantly help up, but give the child the chance to get up again. Ultimately, this should also be able to address the problems in adulthood.
A 4-year-old certainly no longer needs to be fed, an 8-year-old makes his own bed, and teenagers can operate the washing machine and dryer independently. Anyone who, as a mother, still helps the child here is doing him no favors. This is no longer love, but a sign of selfishness. This is often not so easily recognizable, but all the more destructive.
Is it possible to exaggerate self-employment education? Yes ! Excessive demands are an enemy of learning. Likewise, underload. Challenge is the basis of success. To do this, however, you need a little 'instinct'.
One of the keys to success is finding a balanced challenge. Excessive and insufficient demands weaken the child's willpower. Perfectionism does the same. ill. Doing nothing, being left to oneself, neglects the child's development potential. Enjoying performance helps the child to develop healthy self-worth.
Slave service or love service
Much of the parental commitment to the children is often not even noticed. It has become a matter of course. Such a matter of course is often only perceived later in retrospect and then perhaps also appreciated. Whether something is love or slave service depends on the motivation. Slave services are required; there is compulsion as the motive. A love service is a service to others, a gift. If I feel like a slave as a father, then I can satisfy a physical need of the child, but certainly not the emotional one.
Give yourself moments of reflection where you can become clear about your motives.
Role Model Works
To love for love's sake - that is a profound principle that in the family is not only limited to the offspring, but also to the entire network of parents. Children who experience their parents helping and supporting their fellow human beings, possibly unselfishly, will be richly blessed.
How do we achieve this goal of balance?
The basis of all education is a filled love tank. How to populate this is discussed in the following blog: 5LS-Parents.
Our role model shows the children what they can understand by love service.
From command to request. The older the child, the friendlier the language. Wishes are better received than demands.
Small aid projects - neighborhood help, support for the poor, support for social activities expand the children's understanding of love.
Parents are the most important role models for the child. Wherever they go, the child goes too. All the values are transferred for the time being until the child then develops his own. If the parents succeed in being good role models, most of the principles will be adopted.
Disruptive Factors
Taking Advantage of Being Sick
With many mothers, the maternal instinct really gets going when the child is sick. Suddenly they are over-helpful. The child notices that immediately. If you otherwise have to go through everyday life with a half empty love tank, it often looks very different when you are sick. The tank is quickly filled with lovely words and deeds. How beautiful.
The disadvantage: If a child learns that he is only 'loved' when he is ill, there is a high probability that he will also obtain proof of love as an adult through the various types of illness. For many, this is the only chance they can experience a sense of attention and charity. Too bad. Too many people have cups just to get the attention and compassion they need which will fill their tank a little.
Many people could be healthy if their love tank were filled. But no. Being healthy often means being alone. Nobody cares about me. So better be sick. Then at least I'll get some attention. Study your environment. Can you see this behavioral mechanism?
Postmodern Helping
People today only get involved when their most important question is: "What do I get out of it?" is answered satisfactorily. This social attitude makes mature help difficult. If the child's heart is already materialistic, even greedy, then love is about to cool. Only Conditional Love is then the basis of development. Like you to me, so I to you.
So the question of where we raise our children, and where do we move, should be asked more often.
When This Love Language Is Present
If this is the mother tongue of your child's love, then any favor and kind act will help fill the love tank. When the child asks a favor, it's not just about the matter, but also about the answer to the question: "Mommy, do you love me (still)?" If we react angrily and nervously to this request because we don't have time, etc., then we can help, mend the bike, explain homework, but the soul cannot recharge.
You don't have to help every time. Clear. But we need to be sensitive to this so that we can see whether or not it is possible to procrastinate without causing harm. In any case, we should respond lovingly to every request.
Especially the help with homework is a great opportunity for both parents. The child needs real support. If this help is carried out patiently and in a willing manner, every child will be able to feel love.
Children's Voices
Neo (7): "I know that my mother loves me. She always helps me with my homework. And when I have to go to the doctor, she always takes time off."
Irina (12): She lives with her mother. "I know my mom loves me. She sews my buttons back on to my shirt. She has to work a lot so we have enough to eat and wear. My dad probably loves me too, but he doesn't do much for me."
Lara (14): "I know very well that my parents love me because they do a lot for me. Mom sewed the costumes for our school performance for me and two of my classmates. I was really proud of them. Dad is good to help me with schoolwork. Especially in algebra, I was surprised how much time he took for me. "
Helping these children is an important ministry of love. In order to pass love on, one needs the experience of love. Love produces love.
