3 Steps Closer to Your Spouse

Sometimes you feel like you’re miles apart. Incredible, how fast the distance between two can grow! Beautiful memories remain. Why not go there again? What is needed in order to get closer again? That’s what we’d like to understand better.

1. Get into Balance

A MAN WHO LOVES HIS WIFE LOVES HIMSELF.        

A WOMAN WHO LOVES HER HUSBAND LOVES HERSELF. 

Ephesians 5:28

It is our inner attitude that manifests itself in outward deeds. When a person is in love, it shows.  However, after an average of two years of marriage, that feeling of infatuation generally dissipates and with it all the motivators that were at work until then. When this happens, we a need new motive, otherwise known as true love, or unconditional love. (BLOG).

Check yourself out: when you get into a conflict with your partner, ask yourself if you are actually in balance. Is everything in order in your life? Do you like yourself? Do you accept yourself with all your strengths and weaknesses? If you can answer all these questions positively, then you can turn to the task of finding a solution to the conflict.

If the answer was NO or YES AND NO, you will need to do some homework first. First, you should excuse yourself and step out of the conflict situation, because you are surely part of the problem. Your self-perception is unsatisfactory and has very likely influenced your behavior in a way that allows you to easily see your partner’s mistakes while your own remain conveniently undetected in your blind spot.

When a person is in balance and at peace with him or herself, he or she will be willing to solve any problem that arises in as positive a manner as possible. When discussions take place on the information level, it is quite easy to find solutions. It is not the goal of either to point out the weaknesses and mistakes of the other. They don’t need it.

Those who wish to rise above the fog need to meet certain conditions. They must want to, they need the will and courage to actually go, and they need balance to get over any difficult passages along the way.

2. Understand Your Partner

If we were not so selfish and proud, most problems could be solved in 5 minutes.

Pride and selfishness are so well integrated into our society that we often no longer recognize them. When I am in balance, I am in a better position to judge my own motives more objectively. As a man, I can see my pride, which always wants to be right. As a woman, I recognize my desire for confirmation. When I see and acknowledge these needs and shake myself free of them, I will be better prepared to deal with my partner’s deeper needs.  

Is it possible that a partner’s arguments are actually an expression of a deeper need? Maybe it’s a cry for more attention, or a need for empathy or a desire for more understanding.

If you can recognize the message behind your partner’s words, an important “battle” will have been won. Then you will be able to look for appropriate solutions that will help you both.

There are still some couples that have decided to stick together. What is their secret? Do they have a different understanding of love? Is it maturity? Or convenience? Do they understand each other better? Or do they respect each other more? Do you know any couples like that?

3. Move in Your Spouse’s Direction

Those who understand themselves are better equipped to understand their partners and to be understood. It is a great advantage to be able to analyze one’s own system. In IT language, understanding how you were programmed helps you understand the way you think. When you understand your own system, you can begin to comprehend the complexity of your partner’s system better.

Everybody Needs LOVE

If you know that and act accordingly, you will also receive more love.

Only Love Begets Love

If pride prevents one from taking loving steps, love will not be produced and returned. Money, power and pride are the three biblical enemies of love. If people prefer these above love, they will eventually come out on the short end.  

A few qualities of loving couples:

• Men court their wives’ attention – they don’t have time to watch other women. They are busy trying to think of ways to show their wives more love.
• Women understand that respect is important for their husbands. They know that nagging is a sure way to kill happiness. They concentrate on strengthening and appreciating his sense of responsibility.
• Feelings can be nice, but controlling one’s thoughts is more important. Negative thoughts can destroy not only our bodies, but also our souls and minds. Positive thoughts and empathetic benevolence are important ingredients in building happy homes.
• A sincere “Sorry” is more valuable than an “I told you so” or “It’s all your fault”!
• A couple that includes Jesus in their marriage relationship experiences many advantages. Jesus is always happy to fill their empty love tanks, for example, every morning and evening when they pray together. When we read His Word with its sensational contents, like the last several chapters of the Gospels, we understand more of the length and breadth and depth and height of the love of God. This deeper understanding of love colors our everyday life, and every relationship we have is deeper and more meaningful as a result.
• Defining and carrying out common goals: Family is the center, work is on the next level, then friends and fellowship after that.
• Your spouse always has the right to a VETO. We don’t have to do everything the way I want it. I can be generous. We can discuss a decision without my feeling defensive. Humility does not get insulted, because a small ego is not easily wounded.

Taking a step towards your spouse can be somewhat of a challenge with couples who have been married for a long time. Wounds they don’t want to or cannot forgive are a great hindrance. In such cases, their understanding of unconditional love (BLOG) would be very important to help get a step further. Everybody is looking for understanding, love and security. When we give these things, we receive them as well – usually.

I hope a thought or two are doable for you. Life is too short not to put important knowledge concerning quality of life into practice. Don’t you agree?

Improve EQ in Everyday Life

EVERYONE can contribute something that can support something to the common good. How does it work ?

Perhaps you, dear reader, have already read the previously published blogs on EQ. The following links are recommended for new readers:

EQ0-Definition - EQ0-AreasOfLive - EQ1-Marriage and Family - EQ2-Job - EQ3-Health

As a reminder: The five areas of social life:

1. MARRIAGE u FAMILY (mutual understanding based on self-image)

2. PROFESSION (dealing with colleagues, subordinates, with the boss, motivation)

3. HEALTH (healthy lifestyle promotes frontal lobe development)

4. ENVIRONMENT (privacy, public and society can see added value)

5. SPIRITUALITY (understanding and dealing with belief in a postmodern context)
   

4. High EQ in my Social Environment

Three examples

1. There may be your neighbor who is just difficult to get along with. He doesn't say hello, runs over you with exaggerated ramblings and lets himself be carried away to inappropriate, even untrue comments. How can you help him?
   

2. There's the church member, a woman in her sixties. She acts dominant and disrespectful, although she actually has nothing profitable to say. And that for 12 years. Can you turn it off somehow ?
   

3. There is our choir director. A great guy. Whatever he says has hands and feet. His sayings reveal wisdom and social intelligence. Incredible his empathy with which he can tune us into our songs and sensitize us. He is loved by everyone. Where did he get this gift from?

Classical music usually has a proven positive influence on our brain, our emotional world and our balance. Anyone who has the privilege of playing an instrument, if possible from an early age, has fundamental advantages.

Bringing in feelings is not a problem if they are balanced and do not go overboard. In a social context, reason and feelings are important. If they are lived in balance, this promotes community among people. Such people are valued by everyone else. A wise person betrays himself through his social intelligence. What do you mean with that?

Empathy + Social Skills = Social Intelligence

Daniel Goleman says that social intelligence is an important interpersonal part of emotional intelligence.

This interpersonal intelligence can be seen, for example, in the following skills:

• Organize groups

• Influence group activities

• Willingness, leadership and thus responsibility

• Being able to inspire and motivate others about something

• Bringing solutions into a process

• Negotiating, mediating or preventing conflicts

• Being able to establish a personal connection with outsiders

• Perceiving and understanding feelings, motives and worries of others (social analysis)

Outsider

People who have poorly developed these skills or who have not developed these skills are prone to interpersonal problems, appear uncomfortable and can easily be labeled as outsiders by society. It often happens that such individuals are oblivious to a group's emotional agenda and tend to take a lot of self-attention. To the chagrin of group development. Or they hide wherever they can.

Sometimes it is necessary not to go with the current flow. Namely when the flow is traveling in the wrong direction. Our world situation shows that one cannot rely on the majority. An emotionally intelligent, wise person feels when he has to leave the majority and when not.

Social Chameleons

These people are adept at adapting their feelings to the needs of the group, as we often do with actors, salespeople, diplomats and politicians, but they cannot find the balance between their own needs and feelings. You have not developed your own identity or it is underdeveloped. They are dependent and have hardly any integrity in their backpack.

Chameleons are under animal welfare because they are endangered. They are mostly iguana-scale lizards and live mainly in Africa. They have interesting advantages: Their eyes can look back, to the side and to the front at the same time, which symbolically can be interpreted as a foresight into the past, present and future. This is an important skill for EQ enthusiasts.

A lack of social intelligence can also show up as follows:

• reduced willingness to trust someone

• own area of responsibility is neglected

• Tendency to be wrong

• ruthlessness

• Selfish lifestyle, no willingness to serve

• Dogmatic inflexibility, even fanaticism and extremism

• general learning disabilities

• proud personality structure

Social competence, on the other hand, is shown as follows:

• social harmony - peacemaker

• Interest in efficiency (profitability) and effectiveness (efficacy)

• Tolerant attitude

• Good warning and admonition skills

• Interest in learning processes

• Good service provider

• humble personality structure

“An honest heart bears fruit in humility”

The increase in COURAGE is HUMILITY. Unfortunately, this attitude is not so well known these days. It changes people and makes them wise, far-sighted, and happy people. Have the COURAGE for HUMILITY.

Some Tips

1. Become aware of where you still have learning fields and development potential in everyday social life.

2. Decide to improve one and / or the other finding.

3. Learn to limit yourself to the factual and informational level in a discussion and to exclude the personal character level (communication is important).

4. Observe your own reactions and find any hidden fears that have led you to unwise words or deeds. Consciously replace these fears with loving motives and remember this. A reminder a day or week will help you make this a habit.

5. Take an interest in those around you, especially difficult people. Personal interest in their needs sooner or later makes them friends.

6. Try to stay in balance, not to apply unnecessary pressure, to integrate the situation and the needs of a thing and / or person as possible.

7. Active listening enables you to show respect for those involved.

   Do not forget:

With a healthy lifestyle, especially with NEWSTART PLUS ® (LINK), you promote your performance and willpower in implementing such resolutions.

Important cornerstones are:

• 1.5 - 2 liters of water per day

• Jog 2-3 times a week

• a lot of vegetable and wholesome food as unrefined as possible

Changes are best enforced when they are made in a health context. This strengthens the frontal lobe (LINK), which creates new potential. Take this chance.

I wish you success! :-)

From Man to Woman

Understand the man's world - certainly unique - interesting - rewarding - and not impossible!

Dear Lady - Reader

if I allow myself to address a few words to you and to the ladies in general, then it happens with a somewhat queasy feeling. Because how am I supposed to be able to represent the whole men. Not possible. How about a little insight anyway:

First of all, I have to ask for your understanding for us men, as we did not find the best conditions in society and culture that would have made us really strong, responsible, incorruptible and purposeful men. And if it is still successful, then it is thanks to the respective mothers and fathers who did not go along with these postmodern trends, but instead incorporated deep Christian values ​​into their upbringing.

Nevertheless, there are many men who strive, contrary to every fashion trend, to get on the track of the real values ​​of a family, a marriage, a happy community. Such men differ from those who unfortunately mostly make their women unhappy with a low level of empathy and often not consciously and deliberately.

Carefully explore your partner's potential and sensitivity.

It corresponds to a tendency of men that they have a tendency towards generosity, understanding and kindness. They are instinctively ready to 'die' for their wives and children - let's just think of a ship disaster where the women and children would be saved first ...

Men have the quality of being cognitively gifted. This means that the left hemisphere of the brain has to be supplied with more blood, while the right, emotionally charged side is less developed. Each side has its strength and importance. The cognitive, abstract, rational side should give an advantage when it comes to decisions, e.g. which car should we buy or which house should we buy etc.

Men want to be 'cool'. Keep in mind that a lot of guys are willing to buy pants that don't cover what it's meant to be just to be cool. Not what is beautiful is fashion, but what is fashion is beautiful! Let's just think of today's holey jeans, which are also worn by women! Be that as it may - we men sacrifice a lot in order to gain acceptance and the necessary respect.

Excessive willingness to take risks speaks against itself. Performance is important in our performance society. Try to appreciate it in a balanced way

Acceptance:

Actually, acceptance is important for everyone. But for us men this is extremely important, as our position (status) within society is an essential issue. We want to build good foundations for a family with training, career and further education. Most of the time, the parents exert appropriate pressure so that their son can withstand the demands of society. Then the purchase of the first car, as early as possible, so that one can be 'in'. Without the necessary appreciation, a boy degenerates into insignificance. It could be the wrong job, the wrong partner, problematic decisions up to an addiction to pleasure or drug use of all kinds. It's a shame.

Respect:

Before a man can get the respect he needs, he has to make huge investments. Many men never get the attention they deserve. Unfortunately. That weakens the whole society. Without the basis of respect, men lose their hold and cannot reach their potential.

If you are in a relationship, then I can really advise you to be smart about this because there is the highest potential. Attention and respect is the name of the code word that releases strength and energy in men, which helps women and families to develop positively.

The honor guard - discipline, performance, commitment, commitment, but also respect. Remember, not all men are created equal!

How can you behave respectfully as a woman?

If you do your research on this, you won't have insoluble problems with the male world. Here are a few examples that should work most of the time:

• Ask your husband the questions that are important to you.

• Mirror your own reactions. Words can hurt a lot without you wanting to and noticing it yourself. Many women do not question what effect their emotional outbursts and nagging have on the man. This extremely unfavorable behavior leads to the construction of the wall for most men. You have to protect yourself. They either flee or start to ignore. That is not a good thing and it ultimately leads to a dead end - to use a nice word.

• If you feel that something has gone wrong, immediately seek contact and consensus so that the wall does not go up. The men tend to approach you less often. Unfortunately.

• Give your husband enough responsibility sometimes even when you think you would be better at it. Use your sensitivity to collect important points here.

Let the father be important, help develop a mature father image, in all of the important decision-making processes and responsibilities in parenting. If the fathers are interested, then it can result in great teamwork. Together we are strong, stronger than any spoiled child.

Many men can do more than they are expected to be if only encouraged and encouraged.

Tip: Don't let your husband see his mother in you! There is a natural tendency for the man, based on his early programmed soul system, to choose the woman who will remind him of his mother. That may still be good. But many mothers are too caring and have missed leading their son into mature self-employment. In this case, the man does not need to be pampered, but a mature affection that lets him catch up on what has been missed. In your own interest, it is sometimes worth investing here.

In any case, appreciate what your partner brings to the relationship and encourage them. We all need this!

What Not to Do: NEVER hurt or humiliate your husband in front of other people. The more important these are, the worse for him. Don't do it either if he's not there. ONLY talk good about him. Hopefully he will do the same to you.

Book recommendation: LOVE & RESPECT Emmerson Eggerichs

Do you have any questions or comments?