Sometimes you feel like you’re miles apart. Incredible, how fast the distance between two can grow! Beautiful memories remain. Why not go there again? What is needed in order to get closer again? That’s what we’d like to understand better.
1. Get into Balance
A MAN WHO LOVES HIS WIFE LOVES HIMSELF.
A WOMAN WHO LOVES HER HUSBAND LOVES HERSELF.
Ephesians 5:28
It is our inner attitude that manifests itself in outward deeds. When a person is in love, it shows. However, after an average of two years of marriage, that feeling of infatuation generally dissipates and with it all the motivators that were at work until then. When this happens, we a need new motive, otherwise known as true love, or unconditional love. (BLOG).
Check yourself out: when you get into a conflict with your partner, ask yourself if you are actually in balance. Is everything in order in your life? Do you like yourself? Do you accept yourself with all your strengths and weaknesses? If you can answer all these questions positively, then you can turn to the task of finding a solution to the conflict.
If the answer was NO or YES AND NO, you will need to do some homework first. First, you should excuse yourself and step out of the conflict situation, because you are surely part of the problem. Your self-perception is unsatisfactory and has very likely influenced your behavior in a way that allows you to easily see your partner’s mistakes while your own remain conveniently undetected in your blind spot.
When a person is in balance and at peace with him or herself, he or she will be willing to solve any problem that arises in as positive a manner as possible. When discussions take place on the information level, it is quite easy to find solutions. It is not the goal of either to point out the weaknesses and mistakes of the other. They don’t need it.
Those who wish to rise above the fog need to meet certain conditions. They must want to, they need the will and courage to actually go, and they need balance to get over any difficult passages along the way.
2. Understand Your Partner
If we were not so selfish and proud, most problems could be solved in 5 minutes.
Pride and selfishness are so well integrated into our society that we often no longer recognize them. When I am in balance, I am in a better position to judge my own motives more objectively. As a man, I can see my pride, which always wants to be right. As a woman, I recognize my desire for confirmation. When I see and acknowledge these needs and shake myself free of them, I will be better prepared to deal with my partner’s deeper needs.
Is it possible that a partner’s arguments are actually an expression of a deeper need? Maybe it’s a cry for more attention, or a need for empathy or a desire for more understanding.
If you can recognize the message behind your partner’s words, an important “battle” will have been won. Then you will be able to look for appropriate solutions that will help you both.
There are still some couples that have decided to stick together. What is their secret? Do they have a different understanding of love? Is it maturity? Or convenience? Do they understand each other better? Or do they respect each other more? Do you know any couples like that?
3. Move in Your Spouse’s Direction
Those who understand themselves are better equipped to understand their partners and to be understood. It is a great advantage to be able to analyze one’s own system. In IT language, understanding how you were programmed helps you understand the way you think. When you understand your own system, you can begin to comprehend the complexity of your partner’s system better.
Everybody Needs LOVE
If you know that and act accordingly, you will also receive more love.
Only Love Begets Love
If pride prevents one from taking loving steps, love will not be produced and returned. Money, power and pride are the three biblical enemies of love. If people prefer these above love, they will eventually come out on the short end.
A few qualities of loving couples:
- Men court their wives’ attention – they don’t have time to watch other women. They are busy trying to think of ways to show their wives more love.
- Women understand that respect is important for their husbands. They know that nagging is a sure way to kill happiness. They concentrate on strengthening and appreciating his sense of responsibility.
- Feelings can be nice, but controlling one’s thoughts is more important. Negative thoughts can destroy not only our bodies, but also our souls and minds. Positive thoughts and empathetic benevolence are important ingredients in building happy homes.
- A sincere “Sorry” is more valuable than an “I told you so” or “It’s all your fault”!
- A couple that includes Jesus in their marriage relationship experiences many advantages. Jesus is always happy to fill their empty love tanks, for example, every morning and evening when they pray together. When we read His Word with its sensational contents, like the last several chapters of the Gospels, we understand more of the length and breadth and depth and height of the love of God. This deeper understanding of love colors our everyday life, and every relationship we have is deeper and more meaningful as a result.
- Defining and carrying out common goals: Family is the center, work is on the next level, then friends and fellowship after that.
- Your spouse always has the right to a VETO. We don’t have to do everything the way I want it. I can be generous. We can discuss a decision without my feeling defensive. Humility does not get insulted, because a small ego is not easily wounded.
Taking a step towards your spouse can be somewhat of a challenge with couples who have been married for a long time. Wounds they don’t want to or cannot forgive are a great hindrance. In such cases, their understanding of unconditional love (BLOG) would be very important to help get a step further. Everybody is looking for understanding, love and security. When we give these things, we receive them as well – usually.
I hope a thought or two are doable for you. Life is too short not to put important knowledge concerning quality of life into practice. Don’t you agree?
