Part 4 – How to Deal with Stress

Amazingly enough, there ARE people who deal well with stress. We can learn a lot about stress management from them. (In this picture, my wife is a good example!!!)

Dear Reader, I heartily recommend reading through the first three parts on the subject of stress before continuing with this one. They contain some tips about stress management you won’t want to miss: definition, causes and prevention of stress are discussed.

Stress Management

Now you have reached the point where stress is a fact of life – your life. Stress can come in many different forms, with many different faces and from many different sources. In other words, there is quite a variety of stressors to be had. Now the game is on, and it’s your personal game of stress management. The trick is to find a healthy balance between tension and relaxation.

A Change of Terms

The term stress management focuses on stress and how to get rid of it. If we can move away from thinking about stress, we will actually be moving closer to our own resources or skills, the goal of which is to help us have a good feeling, namely relaxation. That’s the whole point of stress management.  

A more positive term is resource management, which is another popular concept used in connection with stress management.

Rather than focusing on stress, a negative idea, we should use our energy to meet various challenges as they arise.

Resource Management

Analysis necessary

Analysis is necessary

It is important to take time to do a situation analysis. (BLOG – Causes of Stress) The better you know the causes, the easier it is to decide which solution to apply from your toolbox of resources.

It’s important to identify deep-seated patterns and break endless vicious cycles. Good friends or a good counselor can be a great help in this process. They can help us recognize points where we are either under- or over- challenged. If a person is not sufficiently challenged in daily life, he or she can experience a massive stress reaction, which must be met with appropriate measures. This condition is called   boreout.

Each person is different and must find the form of stress management that best fits his or her specific needs. One of the most successful resources available is exercise. To be more specific, aerobic exercise.

Aerobic Exercise

I’m sure you recognize the subject of 'the importance of exercise' from last week’s blog on stress. Exercise is a “miracle drug” for many health challenges. If you take this point seriously and put it into practice, you will gain traction in every area of life.

Moderate endurance exercise serves to decrease stress and promotes the neuronal restructuring process of neurotransmitter secretion, which brings about balance and relaxation. Some fitting forms of endurance exercise are jogging, Nordic walking, swimming and cycling.   

These should all be done in moderation, building up endurance over a period of time. We should make our first experiences with exercise positive ones. After all, we cannot expect to start off like a world champion. If we begin moderately and increase our endurance gradually, we will be most successful in the long run. The best and surest way to ensure success is to ally yourself with a friend or small group of like-minded individuals. Perhaps you have a friend, family member or neighbor who might share the same interest and goals. Remember that weather is never an excuse to stay at home. There is no such thing as bad weather; you just have to wear the right clothing.

Maybe you could involve the whole family in your sport activities! That would not only strengthen and improve your own health and theirs, but it could also be a fantastic bonding experience! Just think of the many possible benefits!

The Ability to Love

Another great resource is the skill to treat people kindly, even when they seem to be stressors. Remember:

It is easy to judge the actions of others when we set our own preferences as the standard!

We have a tendency to experience stress in our relationships with others when our own expectations are not fulfilled. Unfulfilled expectations lead to disappointments. If we are not careful with these, they can lead to frustration, which can then fester and turn into aggression. If we harbor these negative thoughts without working them out, we will find ourselves trapped in the vicious cycle of toxic thinking (see BLOG). This cycle must be broken as quickly as possible and replaced with positive thoughts in order to avoid permanent damage to our psyche and relationships.

Consider your own emotional intelligence, your social competence and your empathy (BLOG). Remember that every conflict is an opportunity to grow. If you recognize these opportunities and meet them squarely, rather than trying to avoid them, you can profit greatly.

Many equate love with warm feelings and romance, and these should, of course, be part of the package. However, in a mature love relationship, they are the product, not the motor. Wise decisions, values and principles are the qualities upon which our actions must be based in order to foster an environment where mature feelings can be nurtured. These feelings are not the basis for a solid relationship, but the product of it. These mature feelings are not caused by our own loneliness or our damaged past.

Those who practice their ability to love, who know what unconditional love is (BLOG) and apply it in their daily experience, will develop their characters more and more to become masters of circumstances. These are people who will not lose their cool because of external circumstances, but their inner peace will keep them calm in the face of difficulties. Isn’t it interesting that we find so many such examples in the Bible? That’s because faith can be a decidedly positive factor in this process of finding peace within (BLOG).

Setting Limits

People who love people always set limits. It may sound strange, but limits are an indispensable part of a wise lifestyle. Unconditional love (BLOG), for example, does not allow itself to be abused and destroyed. This is because this kind of love is founded in high self-worth. Those who can love others also love themselves. If a person hates him- or herself, how can he or she love anyone else?

Strive for Balance

Now it’s time to learn how to use our own resources in order to bring all the different areas of our lives into balance. Thanks to the ability to prioritize, we can adjust our time and energy investments to match the goals we set for ourselves.

Training Plan

All habits and attitudes that we would like to change can be systematically transformed into new habits and attitudes with the help of the following plan. The whole family can benefit from this transformation

It is best to begin with ONE attitude or ONE change. When a new habit has been formed, you can start working on the next one.

WISHING YOU EVERY SUCCESS !

3 Steps Closer to Your Spouse

Sometimes you feel like you’re miles apart. Incredible, how fast the distance between two can grow! Beautiful memories remain. Why not go there again? What is needed in order to get closer again? That’s what we’d like to understand better.

1. Get into Balance

A MAN WHO LOVES HIS WIFE LOVES HIMSELF.        

A WOMAN WHO LOVES HER HUSBAND LOVES HERSELF. 

Ephesians 5:28

It is our inner attitude that manifests itself in outward deeds. When a person is in love, it shows.  However, after an average of two years of marriage, that feeling of infatuation generally dissipates and with it all the motivators that were at work until then. When this happens, we a need new motive, otherwise known as true love, or unconditional love. (BLOG).

Check yourself out: when you get into a conflict with your partner, ask yourself if you are actually in balance. Is everything in order in your life? Do you like yourself? Do you accept yourself with all your strengths and weaknesses? If you can answer all these questions positively, then you can turn to the task of finding a solution to the conflict.

If the answer was NO or YES AND NO, you will need to do some homework first. First, you should excuse yourself and step out of the conflict situation, because you are surely part of the problem. Your self-perception is unsatisfactory and has very likely influenced your behavior in a way that allows you to easily see your partner’s mistakes while your own remain conveniently undetected in your blind spot.

When a person is in balance and at peace with him or herself, he or she will be willing to solve any problem that arises in as positive a manner as possible. When discussions take place on the information level, it is quite easy to find solutions. It is not the goal of either to point out the weaknesses and mistakes of the other. They don’t need it.

Those who wish to rise above the fog need to meet certain conditions. They must want to, they need the will and courage to actually go, and they need balance to get over any difficult passages along the way.

2. Understand Your Partner

If we were not so selfish and proud, most problems could be solved in 5 minutes.

Pride and selfishness are so well integrated into our society that we often no longer recognize them. When I am in balance, I am in a better position to judge my own motives more objectively. As a man, I can see my pride, which always wants to be right. As a woman, I recognize my desire for confirmation. When I see and acknowledge these needs and shake myself free of them, I will be better prepared to deal with my partner’s deeper needs.  

Is it possible that a partner’s arguments are actually an expression of a deeper need? Maybe it’s a cry for more attention, or a need for empathy or a desire for more understanding.

If you can recognize the message behind your partner’s words, an important “battle” will have been won. Then you will be able to look for appropriate solutions that will help you both.

There are still some couples that have decided to stick together. What is their secret? Do they have a different understanding of love? Is it maturity? Or convenience? Do they understand each other better? Or do they respect each other more? Do you know any couples like that?

3. Move in Your Spouse’s Direction

Those who understand themselves are better equipped to understand their partners and to be understood. It is a great advantage to be able to analyze one’s own system. In IT language, understanding how you were programmed helps you understand the way you think. When you understand your own system, you can begin to comprehend the complexity of your partner’s system better.

Everybody Needs LOVE

If you know that and act accordingly, you will also receive more love.

Only Love Begets Love

If pride prevents one from taking loving steps, love will not be produced and returned. Money, power and pride are the three biblical enemies of love. If people prefer these above love, they will eventually come out on the short end.  

A few qualities of loving couples:

• Men court their wives’ attention – they don’t have time to watch other women. They are busy trying to think of ways to show their wives more love.
• Women understand that respect is important for their husbands. They know that nagging is a sure way to kill happiness. They concentrate on strengthening and appreciating his sense of responsibility.
• Feelings can be nice, but controlling one’s thoughts is more important. Negative thoughts can destroy not only our bodies, but also our souls and minds. Positive thoughts and empathetic benevolence are important ingredients in building happy homes.
• A sincere “Sorry” is more valuable than an “I told you so” or “It’s all your fault”!
• A couple that includes Jesus in their marriage relationship experiences many advantages. Jesus is always happy to fill their empty love tanks, for example, every morning and evening when they pray together. When we read His Word with its sensational contents, like the last several chapters of the Gospels, we understand more of the length and breadth and depth and height of the love of God. This deeper understanding of love colors our everyday life, and every relationship we have is deeper and more meaningful as a result.
• Defining and carrying out common goals: Family is the center, work is on the next level, then friends and fellowship after that.
• Your spouse always has the right to a VETO. We don’t have to do everything the way I want it. I can be generous. We can discuss a decision without my feeling defensive. Humility does not get insulted, because a small ego is not easily wounded.

Taking a step towards your spouse can be somewhat of a challenge with couples who have been married for a long time. Wounds they don’t want to or cannot forgive are a great hindrance. In such cases, their understanding of unconditional love (BLOG) would be very important to help get a step further. Everybody is looking for understanding, love and security. When we give these things, we receive them as well – usually.

I hope a thought or two are doable for you. Life is too short not to put important knowledge concerning quality of life into practice. Don’t you agree?