Violence Destroys Relationships - 1

This is a sculpture of two adults after fighting, sitting with their backs to each other. Yet inside – the child – in both does not want to fight, but be connected. The forgiving, free spirit of children shall become reality in our relationships. That will free us from our stubbornness and enlighten our friendships, especially our marriage and family.

10 Warning Signs

1. JEALOUSY / Excessive envy, jealousy and paranoia of the perpetrator can lead to the isolation of the victim. For example: The mother/father to the daughter: “You are not allowed to look at or speak to other boys. You are also not allowed to go out alone or with your friends!”

2. FAMILY HISTORY / The abuser often experienced violence or abuse in childhood. Example: The father hits the mother; the brother torments his girlfriend because he himself was tormented by his parents and/or siblings as a child.

3. MOTHER HATE / The perpetrator feels strong negative feelings towards his mother. Most of the time he speaks badly about her, even in front of other people. This also leads to the degradation of women/men in general.

4. FLIABLE TEMPERAMENT / The abuser has no impulse control and is quick to use violence, becoming angry immediately and often using physical aggression to solve problems.

5. DRUG ABUSE / Anyone who uses drugs and/or alcohol on a daily basis is at great risk of destroying a relationship. The abuser may then say, "I wouldn't have done it if I hadn't been drunk." And often the victim excuses the perpetrator by saying: "If he hadn't been drinking, he wouldn't have hit me."

6. RIGID ROLE MODELS / Some think women are always dependent, submissive and willing; Men need to lead and make important decisions. They are the dominant ones and have to prove their masculinity, just be a MACHO type.

7. LOOKING FOR CONTROL / Only the perpetrator's opinion is correct and decisive. He is responsible for all important decisions and opinions, no one else.

8. DOMINATION / The perpetrator wants absolute control. He dictates all the shopping, the food, the activities, the choice of friends, the vacation program.

9. AGGRESSIVITY / The perpetrator consciously or unconsciously directs his anger at something that has nothing to do with the actual problem. For example, he/she may become so angry about something that is wrong at school, work, or in the family that he/she hits his/her partner.

10. LOW SELF-ESTEEM / If the abuser is banging on walls, throwing things around, swearing at people, and having extreme mood swings, then they have poor self-image. He likes to push others down so he can stand over them.

Especially for young people, this topic is highly topical and has been presented in a way that is difficult to understand. They are often the victims of circumstances and therefore dependent on the attention and support of adults.

Definition And Characteristics

Many young people live in relationships where power and control is exercised over other people. This can show up as follows:

• Any threat or use of physical force to gain control.

• Psychological games, where emotional violence leads to unsettling behavior, where there can often be constant texting, accompanied by constant badmouthing or criticism.

• Teenagers destroy their homework and decide for themselves which school activities they want to participate in.

• It can also lead to sexual violence, where people are coerced into actions or made to feel sexually inferior, or threatened with rape.

All this can lead to unpleasant consequences, such as

• Self-harm (cutting, scratching)

• constant indecision

• lack of concentration

• communication problems

• decrease in self-esteem

• nightmares and anxiety disorders

• guilt and insomnia

• anger and aggressive behavior

• Eating Disorders and Withdrawal

• depression and shame

Young people need our help. These dangers are greatest at the age when they want to be independent and master life themselves.

Statistics

Adolescents who do violence to their friends will continue to do so in adulthood. Violence among young couples is just as bad and widespread as domestic violence in families.

• About one in five college students reported being physically and/or sexually abused while on a date!

• Violence on such dates knows no boundaries based on race, gender or social class.

• The victims are both male and female, but boys and girls are abused in different ways:

  • Girls quickly yell once, pinch, scratch, kick and threaten to hurt themselves.

  • Boys hurt girls more severely and more often.

  • Some young people occasionally experience violence

  • There are those that are abused more frequently, sometimes daily.

• Young people between the ages of 12 and 19 are the most likely to experience rape and sexual assault.

• Adolescents aged 18 and 19 are the most frequently persecuted (stalking).

• Approximately one in three adolescent girls in the United States experiences physical, emotional, or verbal violence while on a date. (www.futureswithoutviolence.org)

• Dating violence among teens has been linked to substance abuse, eating disorders, irresponsible sexual behavior, unwanted pregnancies and suicide. (Molidor, Tolman & Kober, 2000)

Young people often fall in love without even knowing what real love is. Encourage your youth to get to know themselves too well, so that they can also better choose the right partner.

IMPORTANT:

Violent relationships have good times and bad times. What makes this abuse so confusing is that love is mixed with violence. This makes it difficult to tell if you are being abused. If you are unsure, it helps to check the warning signals (see above).

Everyone deserves to always be treated lovingly and respectfully by their partner!

Dealing With Guilt

Every couple has their own way of communicating. With inner feelings of guilt, this looks very different. If there are still children in the house, then feelings of guilt can spread in many ways.

5 Tips Against Feelings Of Guilt

Anyone who has children and a career knows it only too well: giving everything at work AND at home is simply not possible in terms of time and energy. It is understandable that this will give rise to a bad conscience. How to deal with it?

1. Good Focus

Do what you are doing with all your heart. It does no one any good if you think about your children with a bad conscience while working in the office. Separate the two worlds and commit yourself primarily to the family. Income is also important, but family is our greatest asset.

2. Perfectionism bothers

Perfectionism is a pursuit of success motivated by fear. This is far from true love. Of course we want to do our best, but the idea that this should happen without mistakes and flaws is destructive. Our goal is quality, not perfectionism!

Everything doesn't have to be perfect. No. But making the best of what you have is a gift in itself.

3. Review Values

With the following question we can check our balance between work and education:

• What is really important to me in my life?

Take the time to find 10-15 points that answer that. Which three points are the most important to you? Now how can these three values ​​be realized more optimally in your family? Where do limits have to be observed and where can more quality be introduced?

4. Where Might My Guilt Come From?

That is a difficult question. Who likes to go back to their childhood to look for reasons there. THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE ! Those who make this effort will be rewarded.

Most of our feelings of guilt and shame arose in our childhood. There we learned them unconsciously. These experiences have led to beliefs in us, which are usually not all balanced. “I'm not a good mother/father ! I'm inferior and irresponsible!"

If such thoughts come up, then a consultation, a coaching would be a great advantage. There the truth could then be separated from the lie.

Everybody makes mistakes. Certain parenting mistakes tend to accompany us into adult life. Becoming aware of and analyzing them can be an important step in managing and breaking free from them.

5. Accept Your Personality

Take a look in your mirror and say to yourself:

“My name is … and my family is important to me. For my spouse I want to give what can promote our partnership and for my family I want to take responsibility and work constructively. This includes good boundaries and careful listening and communicating. Of course I also have my own limits. I stand by them as long as they don't destroy the family. My family is the most important thing to me.”

For believers, here is the best offer : prayer. You can pick up new strength, courage and good words from HIM. Unique who accepts this gift.

With Security Against Fear

Together we are strong !!

Safety - A Basic Need

Each of us wants to be safe. We do a lot for that. For some people, having their mobile phone with them when traveling and being able to contact their relatives at any time is an important safety concept.

In addition to the desire to be healthy, it is important for us humans to be able to love in safety.

Security against burglars should be averted by our laws or by high criminal liability. Because a burglary in my house, rummaging through everything and leaving a mess is a blatant invasion of my privacy, which would totally unsettle me.

Even worse, even traumatic, is domestic violence, which often leaves women with a constant feeling of insecurity because they do not know when the next blow to the face or other parts of the body will come.

The living environment usually gives us a feeling of safety and security. Everything unknown and new can sometimes cause a lot of fear.

It is also interesting that our bank account, if it is not empty, gives a very calming feeling, whereas financial worries can trigger a lot of insecurity and negative stress.

The greatest fear that we as humans have to endure is the fear of death. All the more so when an incurable disease has been diagnosed. Any chance of surviving this? But when that person dies, the loss of a loved one triggers so much insecurity that this trauma has become one of the top stressors.

Children's fears are often very evident. Being able to help them is the great challenge in education.

Diffuse Fears

Sometimes we fight with or better against specific fears. But there is also a large package of diffuse fears. These are based on events that we only HEAR about but do not directly affect us. We encounter such information every day in the news, i.e. the media, who want to use it to connect their customers to their products. Unfortunately, much of this information creates fear in us.

On the internet or on television we encounter stories where normal people like us are cruelly torn from their lives by terrorist attacks. The more we identify with them - which represents an emotionally intelligent quality (LINK) - the stronger fears can arise.

Or sometimes the outside temperature rises to 35 degrees and we are reminded of a climate catastrophe.

Of course we hope that we don't experience a tsunami or have a car accident. Nevertheless, such stories leave behind an insecurity, a diffuse fear. If not dealt with, this can lead to aggression, which can also show up in the family.

Being careful with FAKE NEWS makes a lot of sense. How easily we can become a victim of it!

Loss Of Trust

<FAKE NEWS> has become a battle cry. Politicians also want to use them to gain advantages at the expense of the truth. It is becoming increasingly difficult for us to distinguish truth from lies. Eventually this leads to a loss of trust. A pity.

It is fundamentally important that we can assume that our counterparts are honest, because we also want to have integrity.

Every business that we carry out is also an act of trust. We buy with confidence that the product will meet our expectations. We rely on 'FAIRPLAY' for everyone.

Trust plays an immensely important role in all areas of life, especially in public life!

Every piece of news that reaches us about lies and deceit weakens our belief in society and thus causes our trust to dwindle more and more.

And when we think of the hacker attacks on computer systems, we get dizzy.

Is Security A Utopia?

Politicians keep telling us: there is no such thing as absolute security. There is no guarantee against attacks. It can hit us all anywhere and anytime!

If you look at the historical past, then the low life expectancy and the high infant mortality rate in the Middle Ages, then the terrible world wars of the last century point to a world of great uncertainties. We seem to have to learn to live with it. The only sure thing is death, and that's not a stand up either!

Together we are strong! A team that sticks together will overcome most challenges.

Personal Safety Tips

Fortunately, we are not helplessly at the mercy of our fears and insecurities. We can choose to deal with it wisely. Why not step out of the lawsuit world and build up a security concept. Here are a few tips:

1. PERCEIVE NEWS SELECTIVELY. We don't need to be constantly informed about all the evil that is happening in the world. Sensitive people in particular would do well to select messages selectively.

2. PROMOTE SERENITY. Don't just suppress it, but invest your own strength and creativity in my changes and in overcoming my fears.

3. TALK ABOUT FEARS. This helps a lot when we share our fears and concerns with people we trust. Our spiritual well-being is designed to share burdens with one another.

4. BE INTEGER YOURSELF. Not only proclaiming our worldview, our ethics, rules of life, but also living them out, that makes us honest and reliable for the environment.

5. TRUST PEOPLE. People who are generous with their trust quality have more trustworthy friends than others. Giving trust builds relationships.

6. RELY ON GOD. Our Creator told us not to be afraid. HE will help us if we let it. HE is our security factor in all our life situations. Tackling the challenges of life with HIM gives a much better quality of life!

Those who seek and find the way to the cross again and again are highly privileged!!

• "God, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

• the courage to change things that I can change and

• the wisdom to distinguish one from the other.”

Reinhild Niebuhr (1892-1971)

Children Growing Up Multilingual

Children who grow up bilingually learn other languages ​​more easily and quickly and have cognitive advantages. Because they are used to jumping back and forth between two languages, their brains are more flexible and perceptive.

Advantages and Disadvantages

Advantages

• Anyone who grows up bilingually constantly trains their cognitive abilities and benefits from this throughout their lives.

• In the brain of a multilingual person, languages ​​compete with each other:

• If there is a speech impulse, the neural networks are activated - by all stored languages.

Example:

If a person is currently having a conversation in German, the sentences will still be retrieved in all other saved languages ​​in the background. However, these are unconsciously suppressed again and the person only speaks the German variant. From the age of three, multilingual children develop metalinguistic awareness and know exactly when they are dealing with which language. The accusation that bilingual children mix languages ​​and do not learn any language properly is wrong.

How nice when parents can playfully develop their child's language!

Disadvantages

• Children who grow up speaking only German know more German words than children who grow up bilingual. But: If you add the vocabulary of both languages ​​of the bilingual children, you get the same sum again. This difference diminishes over time. At the latest when they are in kindergarten, bilingual children speak just as much as everyone else.

• Raising children bilingually requires a lot of discipline and work on the part of the parents.

• Multilingual children will not acquire the same skills in all languages. The strengths they develop depend on who is talking to them about what and in what language.

Even children among themselves ‘fertilize’ each other with their language skills.

Our brain looks forward to multilingualism

Bilingualism and trilingualism from birth is well researched and can work well. Scientists assume that all languages ​​that a person speaks are stored in a common memory and are all linked. The human brain is wired for learning language, not just learning a specific language.

how does the mother tongue come about?

• Already in the last three months in the womb the fetus hears the melodic and rhythmic characteristics of its mother tongue.

• Children imitate the first sounds after a few months.

• At the age of six, children can begin to express complex thoughts.

• Language acquisition can be divided into different development phases. However, every child learns at their own pace. With multilingualism, it often happens that children at times have a better command of one or the other language.

• Children do not want to learn languages, they want to communicate.

When children are having fun, they learn the fastest.

Curse Or Blessing? When Children Grow Up Multilingual

Most of the world's population is multilingual or lives in a corresponding environment. In concrete terms, around 3.5 billion people worldwide communicate in more than one language every day. In Germany, too, the trend is towards bilingual child rearing. Not only in families with a migration background, but also in binational families, two languages ​​have long been part of everyday life. More and more German parents now want to give their children a taste for foreign languages ​​and encourage them intensively from an early age. But the question often arises: is a bilingual education really an invaluable resource? Or are children simply overwhelmed by this?

Multilingual education: Valuable for a child's future

Parents who consciously or unconsciously opt for a multilingual upbringing still have to contend with many prejudices: children would be overwhelmed with learning two or even three languages ​​in early childhood. It is also often assumed that acquiring multiple languages ​​means that children do not end up learning any of the languages ​​properly. Problems at school are inevitable.

However, current studies on the subject of "multilingualism among children" show that growing up with more than one language does not have any negative consequences for children - on the contrary. Through the principle of imitation, children learn several languages ​​just as well as one. Children who grow up bilingually learn other languages ​​more easily and quickly and have cognitive advantages. Because they are used to jumping back and forth between two languages, their brains are more flexible and perceptive.

But many scientists have confirmed that multilingual education can only work if children develop an emotional bond with the languages. It also becomes worrying when parents develop too much ambition in the child's language acquisition and work with pressure. So that no negative learning experiences arise at first, it is important to always remember: Take the pressure off and let the child learn and experience the languages ​​independently and have fun.

Our language is an important part of our lives. Yes, it shows us how we see and judge life.

Clear language rules facilitate double language acquisition

In order for multilingual education to work and children to benefit from it, parents should agree on clear language rules. Otherwise, a constant mixture of languages ​​leads to the chaos in the brain that critics fear.

To prevent this, there are different options for language separation:

• In binational families, it makes sense for each parent to speak to the child only in their mother tongue. It is of great advantage for communication in the family if the other parent also speaks this language and so all family members speak all languages ​​equally.

• The option of deciding on an environment language and a family language has also proven itself in practice. This solution is mainly found among migrants. However, it is important that children come into contact with the language of their surroundings at an early age, be it in the toddler group, in kindergarten or with a babysitter.

• The first sentence counts - this is the motto of the language separation. Communication is always continued in the language with which a conversation was started.

• For parents who are very busy at work or parents who live separately, there is the option of working days and weekends: one language is spoken during the week and the other language is spoken at the weekend.

Of course, the digital language also has a major influence on our language.

Multilingualism In Children - A Lifelong Treasure

No matter which language separation option parents choose: consistent implementation is particularly important. Otherwise, language acquisition is hindered rather than encouraged. And only with the right implementation can parents give their offspring a valuable treasure that the children will benefit from throughout their lives.

Is It Good To Grow Up Multilingual?

Anyone who grows up bilingually constantly trains their cognitive abilities and benefits from this throughout their lives. In the brain of a multilingual person, the languages ​​are in competition with each other: when there is a language impulse, the neural networks are activated - by all stored languages.

From Friendship to Marriage II

Before deciding to marry, it is beneficial to think about the most important areas of such a relationship. This blog is dedicated to such thoughts.

ACTIVE LISTENING in MARRIAGE

An important quality that defines happy married couples is the ability to actively listen.

This is a challenge for both spouses. The man may already be thinking about the next meeting and is therefore not listening carefully to his wife. Or the wife is busy cooking and needs to make sure everything is done at the right time and in the right order, and so shows limited attention when her husband says something important.

How to foster the important quality of mindful listening:

• take your time

  • If you are under time pressure, you can agree on a joint time window

• Take an interest in your partner's concerns

  • Eye contact is a major benefit that also influences our posture.

  • Give verbal and non-verbal feedback (repeat what was said - nod)

  • Living mutual interest is a diamond in a partnership

• Wait with your opinion

  • Now the interlocutor should be the center of attention, not my opinion

• Questions are always allowed

  • If you don't fully understand something, you should try to understand it completely. The partner notices this interest, which has a positive effect.

• Ask open questions

  • A question that starts with WHY or HOW and cannot simply be answered with YES or NO leads to an interesting dialogue.

• Let your counterpart speak

  • It's not always that easy. You would like to express your own opinion without waiting for the end of the partner words. WAIT is high art!!

  • Those who feel a well-developed respect for their partner have an advantage here.

• Allow no distraction

  • Especially our modern communication tools (mobile phone) love to be the center of our attention!!

  • It is also important to recognize other distraction maneuvers and quickly assess whether they are really more important or not.

• Form your own answer afterwards

  • Don't think about your own answers during the conversation. This could lead to a misunderstanding.

• Try to judge less

  • We are mostly trained to assess situations as quickly as possible.

  • If a problem arises, we want to be able to decide immediately, sometimes we have to; especially in dangerous situations.

  • Such judgments are part of our survival tactics, but they are not appropriate when listening actively.

• Give advice and tips only when asked

  • Most of the time it doesn't work well when we simply impose our own ideas on the partner. This is then often blocked, which can lead to the partner withdrawing.

  • As soon as the partner shows interest in my opinion, THEN the moment has come to actively share my opinion. That will then lead to a TEAM work.

Let's summarize:

Good ACTIVE LISTENING is an important, high-quality quality of REAL LOVE. As soon as we are interested in it, this quality can improve, which will not only be a blessing for the partner, but for the whole social environment.

So don't give up right away, but live strength.