From Friendship to Marriage I

Love is something fascinating. It exceeds all our imaginations. Loving and being loved is man's highest quality of life.

Dating - the Challenge

Are you maybe also tired of the dating game? Did you just get out of a bad relationship? Are you looking for something better now? What are your criterias for dating? Did you ever reflect on the strategy on how to find the best partner for life?

Normal dating is usually based on self-fulfillment. Many times it shows a persons own deficits. The bigger the deficits - the stronger the need for compensation through ‘falling in love’.

We often forget that the gift of singleness gives us time to grow as individuals. So we should take full advantage of this important time, shouldn’t we?

In this blog we want to think about, how our creator designed our world for relationships and marriage.

Why shop if you’re not gonna buy? => Why date if you can’t marry yet?

You propably know a lot of relationships in the state of dating, right? Do you also think that many times it looks like a game? Can you see a lot of stressful, agonizing and painful moments? Does it happen that sometimes being with groups and normals friendships is much more fun than a one-on-one relationship? Why is this often the case?

Some also get stressed or even discouraged by the fact that they don’t have someone to get dressed up for and daydream about.

Young believers can often understand that it is not God’s timing right now to have a relationship and being distracted from work and the purpose the Lord has designed for them. Whoever is interested in Bible knowledge and truth can also find advice concerning this important topic !!

If you belong to one of these following groups this blog is designed for you:

• You just got out of a bad relationship, and don’t want to be hurt again. Better NOT dating.

• Since you never felt comfortable with dating you look for alternatives

• You’re in a dating relationship that you realize is heading in the worng direction. You are interested in finding ways to keep the relationship within God’s boundaries.

• Maybe you are in a blessed dating relationship, and you’re curious why anyone would choose not to date.

It is a great blessing to develop a partnership where maturing teamwork is lived. Problems are there to be solved and want to be solved by both without living egoisticly and showing deficient backgrounds. Wonderful!

What is SMART LOVE ?

Do you realize that every time you have a dating relationship you give something of your heart to your partner that you won’t be able to take back anymore? The more relationships you had the higher the risk that your love-quality will be less. How many times have you given away your heart in shortterm relationships?

Many teenagers consider dating as an essential part of a normal good life. Dating becomes a game, a chance to play at love and experiment with relationships. Especially if they experiment with physically intimacy soon it shows that this has nothing to do with real love and affection. It’s just lust, as it is seen in many movies or in the schools, where dating is ‘in’.

In many cases the stronger the fears in a person the stronger the need for compensation to falling into a ’love’ mood. Going into a relationship without real love ends mostly in being dumped or doing dumping. And nobody really likes that, right?

I am sorry to say that most high school relationships are premature, too much, too soon. Many play with physical contact which makes them loose a center part of their heart that should be designed for their real marriage partner.

Paul writes about the real love in Philippians 1:9-10 the following:

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ.

Or in paraphrasing words:

Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head (frontal lob-LINK) and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush!

Smart love constantly grows and deepens in its practical knowledge and insight. It also opens our eyes to see God’s best for our lives, enabling us to be pure and blameless in His sight.

What about this:

We must realize that we have no business asking for a girls’/boys’ heart and affections if we are not ready to back up our request with a lifelong commitment !! Until we can do that, we would only be using that partner to meet our shortterm needs, not seeking to bless her/him for the long term.

By avoiding romance before God tells us we would be ready for it, we can better serve girls/boys as a good friend. That way we can remain free to keep our focus on the Lord. THIS IS SMART LOVE in action !

This love also makes us evaluate all parts of our dating relationship to make sure we don’t go too far, allowing ourselves to get pulled into something we should avoid. It looks beyond personal desires and the gratification of the moment. It looks at the big picture: SERVING OTHERS AND GLORIFYING GOD.

In most relationships, the goal of starting a family with children is also part of it. This brings some changes into the relationship: the husband's name is suddenly ‘Papa’ and he no longer carries the number 1 but has become number 2, since the wife has become a mother and will do everything possible to take care of her child day and night.

Knowing What is Best

Waiting until I’m ready for commitment before pursuing romance is just one example of smart love in action. When our love grows in knowledge we can more readily ‘discern what is best’ for our lives.

Here a challenging situation: A friend at school asks you out. How do you seek guidance about what kind of person you can go out with? Maybe you have gone out on a few dates with someone, and ouy just kissed for the first time. It was exciting and you felt as if your’re in love. But is this real love?

“What about my needs?” you may be asking. ATTENTION: When we make God’s glory and other people’s needs our priority, we position ourselves to receive God’s best in our lives as well.

SMART LOVE unlocks GOD’s best for our lives !!!

When we make our main priority in relationships pleasing God and blessing others, we will find true peace and joy. Why not treat girls or boys as potential sisters and brothers in Christ. That way we will discover the richness of true friendship. That way peace and power will come out of purity. By kissing dating good-bye because we have found out that God has something better in store, we will move in a much better quality of life.

Some thoughts from the book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” from Joshua Harris

To be continued

Do you believe in God? Pro & Cons

This question of the existence of a God bothers us all at some point in our lives, doesn't it? To answer it without haste - i.e. seriously - requires certain qualities that unfortunately not everyone can show.

Different Opinions

Here are some opinions from a magazine.

PRO's:

A teacher says: “Believing in God gives me stability when things get difficult in life. When I see how innocent children are suffering in the world, the first thing I think is: Where is God? But in the second moment I start to pray anyway. Then at least I can do something and I'm not completely powerless."

An artist: “I don't think much of religions. Especially when they claim power or are used to justify bad deeds. But I believe in universal connections and that there must be something bigger than us humans.”

As one city councilman put it: “Not everything that happens in this world can be explained rationally. For me, faith fills that gap. In prayer I get the strength I need for the challenges ahead.”

One nurse says: “I learned everything I know at church. I used to go to church regularly with my parents, where I played the piano and sang. Now I don't have time to go to church every week. But I read the Bible every day, pray and thank God for everything He has given me."

An older woman says: “I believe in God, but I'm not religious. I carry faith in my heart and have a deep trust in God. He guides me through life, he is life and gives me strength. I feel supported and held by God."

A peasant woman: “When I pray in church, I can unload and get rid of my worries. During the services, my everyday life on the farm is far away. I can listen to myself…”

Retired: “I used to think that God lives on a cloud. Today I know that God is in everything. I also believe in guardian angels. More than once, when I was walking across the street without thinking, something gave me a start just in time."

All people are looking for love. But only those who have found a source of love have the chance of a happy life. Many seek this source in pleasure and abundance. But those who take the trouble to seriously consider what happened on the cross 2 millennia ago have the best opportunity to find a quality source of love.

Thank God that we (our family) found this source of love!

CONS:

Retiree: “He has never bought me a beer before. Instead, the pastor used to pull my ears out when I didn't attend religious classes."

Teenager (f): “I was baptized, but my parents gave me the choice to join a church. I should find my own way. But I never found a deep connection to religion.”

Teenager (m): “My parents didn't bring me up religiously, and I didn't expose myself to it either. I believe in science."

Mother: “I believe that Jesus existed, but I am not a believer. I trust more in science. I have very religious friends and I see the power that faith gives them. But it never clicked for me. My youngest son recently said, "Mommy, I want to go to religion class." "

Retired: “I don't believe in a God, although my whole life I've been tried to believe. I had to go to religion class even though I didn't want to. There are people who terrorize their fellow human beings and then go to confession. I do not agree with this."

Summary

For nearly a century each new generation has been a little less religious than the one before. Since everyone has a certain spirituality, substitute beliefs are being practiced more and more often. Many 'believe' in science and overlook the fact that science does not contradict reasonable belief.

QUESTION: How did this world - let's say the universe - come about? Randomly? Is such a coincidence scientific? About 5 years ago unbelieving Scientists have sat down in the USA and discussed how this world could have come about. Their result: THERE MUST BE A CREATOR !! NOTHING CANNOT CREATE SOMETHING - THAT WOULD BE HIGHLY UNSCIENTIFIC!

In 1960, only 1% of the Swiss population stated that they did not belong to any religion. 60 years later, i.e. in 2020, it was already 31%. In 1988, 43% prayed daily. In 2018, 30 years later, it was only 14% !!! Something seems to be going wrong in Christianity. If it is true that Christ is the source of unconditional love, where we can fill up our emotional love tank at any time, then I cannot understand why this super offer is not communicated and understood as it is written in the Bible.

ALL PEOPLE ARE LOOKING FOR LOVE. Where can we find the best LOVE SOURCE? With JESUS.

Whoever is interested is invited to read the last chapters of the four gospels. There the dimension of depth, breadth, length and height of a LOVE that goes beyond our comprehension is revealed.

Friends, we have a wonderful God who loves us all and has done everything to win us for a better world, an eternal world where deficits and fears are no more.

I am really looking forward to this !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOW, what Jesus did for all of us, for you and me, is of the utmost importance universally and transcends all conceptions of real love. This event will accompany us for eternity and will be the total source of love for everyone who has made a decision for Christ.

The Game With Fear

We are all afraid - some less, others more. We all have to learn to deal with it somehow. Some really learn that better. Fear is a killer of our quality of life. This must not happen to me! Right?

Our History

If we look over the history of mankind, we will certainly notice that there have often been wars in which many people have lost their lives. For example, how can a world war happen? Human reason speaks against it holistically! Or not? It doesn't make sense to kill our fellow humans just to get more land and influence.

Why didn't people stop the wars when they saw the evil coming? If there wasn't a previous history in which everything could have been avoided, we would have read the warning signs correctly and acted accordingly.

Is it our passivity or because we are manipulated and deliberately influenced and fall victim to the phenomenon of mass psychosis?

We, too, are sometimes challenged in our relationships not to take advantage of the power that playing with fear gives us.

Reinterpret Reality

Through a mass psychosis, people give up their independent thinking, their compassion and their conscience in favor of a view given, for example, by a government.

Through constant propaganda, especially through the media, a one-sided, twisted, misrepresentation of "reality" - and this with reference to respected secular authorities such as scientists, experts etc. - is used to fool the people into a situation that can only be mastered by violence .

In this way, reality can easily be misrepresented. Our daily media consumption is nowadays a very well-functioning means of forming opinions.

Fear - A Means To An End

We would not voluntarily give up our thinking, feeling and acting to follow some propaganda. However, since this uses our fears, it is usually successful.

Dangers are pointed out. These may or may not be real or a mixture thereof. As long as they are psychologically well amplified and panic is rife, most people are willing to follow the most confused and irrational directions, if they have been led to believe, in order to avert these dangers.

In such a situation, we lose understanding for any hardships and damage that can be caused to us. Rational thinking is becoming more and more irrational, so that even a totally irrational opinion and worldview can grow into absolute truth! This is then no longer checked and compared with real facts. This lost reference to reality can also drive healthy people into a mass psychosis.

Children in particular are very sensitive. Those who have been confronted with fear a lot in their upbringing tend to do the same with their own children. Pity!

The Majority Decides

What the majority thinks will probably be correct. We follow the generally held opinion in order to belong to it. After all, our legal system with our voter turnout always allows the majority to win. We've gotten used to that.

WARNING: Those who have come to know our personal God in His love may be familiar with the word from Exodus 23:2 that says, “Thou shalt not follow the multitude to evil!”

The majority is not always right. Our history also shows this. What “everyone” claims is not automatically right and good. The majority can also be wrong. She can be manipulated. And the less they are guided by the eternal, God-given values, the easier it is for them to be deceived by so-called false prophets.

False Prophets

Manipulation of people nowadays always happens with media propaganda. This is easily done and corresponds to an acquired need for information that needs to be satisfied. With this, the media can quickly become a tool for false prophets. We know this from before and it happens every day today.

With increasing technical possibilities for the dissemination of information and the possibility of controlling it, the extent is becoming more and more frightening.

A shocking example - highly topical - is the iron lockdown in Shanghai, where millions of people are locked in their homes and some have nothing to eat. They are monitored by drones. Resistance has become almost impossible. At night, when digital facial recognition is difficult, people open their windows and desperately cry out their distress. Such total control is already possible.

The flood of media in particular, which wants to convince us all of its importance with exciting information, uses the power of fear by usually connecting reality with risk and fear.

The Way Out - The Solution

We live in a challenging time. The scriptures call this time the END TIMES. That means it is the time just before Christ will redeem mankind from evil.

Anyone who has recognized this relationship with Jesus and experienced how our love tank can be filled up with it and how everyday life is enlightened again and thus the quality of life increases - develops a trust that stands above all evil.

While it is said that love is growing cold in many because injustice will increase worldwide, these people who live their everyday life with Jesus are shaped by the sentence:

LOVE drives out FEAR.

They lose more and more fear and can be strengthened by God's love every day. This allows them to be more independent from the fear game and avoid becoming a victim of our worldly propaganda.

Since we are all vulnerable to manipulation, we are invited to place our trust in the Almighty who can counteract any fear. Because fear shuts down our level-headed, prudent thinking and tempts us to grasp at any straw that promises us security. But no straw is strong enough. Our help is with our Creator and Lord alone. With HIM we receive the necessary strength and love and prudence. (2 Tim 1:7)

I sincerely wish you that.

There is no argument against real love. She is beautiful and she heals all our wounds.

10 Phrases For Happy Couples

It is not only the words that have great influence on a relationship. But they are an important influence to observe.

Phrases From Happy Married Couples

The following are 10 examples of loving words that can promote quality in a couple relationship.

1. "I'm here for you."

Couples who continually remind each other that they have each other's backs are better able to handle challenges and build deep trust over the long term.

Together through thick and thin: keep letting your love know you're there for them.

2. "Can I help you?"

Independent people who simultaneously know they are allowed to accept and offer help in a relationship hold the key to success. Whether it's filling out a tax return, mending an appliance, or simply cooking a fine dinner when your counterpart is stressed, small acts of kindness strengthen the team spirit.

Give and take - the best relationships are the ones where both people can draw energy and strength from each other.

3. "I'm sorry."

Admitting when you're off takes effort. Swallow your pride and own up to it when you weren't right: It bonds and allows you both to move on without resentment.

4. "Yes, it fits."

Of course, you don't have to say YES and AMEN to everything. Do you want to have children? Where would you like to live? These are big conversations that require full honesty and self-knowledge. Small things, on the other hand, are often not worth long discussions. Does the person you're dating suggest which restaurant to make reservations at? Say a hearty YES every now and then, that speaks for your open heart and your flexibility.

O course, a relationship can not always experience the bliss of heaven. The hectic pace of our times, the culture of our materialistic meritocracy takes its toll. Congratulations for all the maturity that can nevertheless be lived in Your relationship.

5. "Thank you."

Five letters with a huge impact. If you appreciate each other all the time and express it, you'll be in love longer. Remember, it's not a given that you get to go through life together. So acknowledge even small everyday actions like cleaning out the dishwasher, and thank each other for it every now and then.

Everyday life can be quite hectic. Stop every now and then and register the little things your partner does for you.

6. "You look amazing"

Regular reminders that your significant other is still attracted to you feel great. This doesn't require hundreds of compliments a day (nothing wrong with that, of course, if that's your thing), but an affectionate comment every now and then, such as, "I love those pants on you," or "your laugh still blows me away."

Compliments are good for the soul - don't forget to tell your significant other what you love about her or him every now and then.

7. "I believe in you"

The greatest gift is to give someone confidence. Encourage your better half again and again, tell her that she is on the right track or that you fully believe that she will grab something. This does good in the soul and boosts your partner's self-confidence.

8. "I'm sorry"

Admitting when you were wrong takes effort. Swallow your pride and own up to it when you weren't right: It bonds and allows you both to move on without resentment.

A sincere apology shows greatness and lets quarrels be forgotten more quickly.

9. "I wish that_"

No one can read minds, no matter how close you are with the other person or how many years you've been together. Happy Couples therefore talk openly about their needs and are not too proud to state their expectations clearly. So rather than just hoping to see the person standing at the track when you roll in, say, "I'd be thrilled to have you pick me up at the train station."

Are you in the mood for a romantic picnic? Then say it exactly that way instead of hoping for a miracle.

10. "I'm working on me"

Happy couples know that it takes constant development to stay together for a long time. Only those who are really honestly interested in looking closely and also wiping at their own doorstep are good partners. Because: Nobody is responsible for your life, except you alone. So don't blame all your problems on your partner, but actively help him or her to grow together.

Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)

How is the Communication in Your Relationship?

What is your communication tip for a happy relationship and more love?

Feel free to leave us a comment below!

Here is the link to a blog that can help:

Proper Listening - A Guarantee for Success

HELP, I'm Retiring !!

The transition from working life to retirement is a major challenge for many. Suddenly you are often alone and can or have to do what you always wanted to do.

Since I am part of it myself, this topic has become very important to me.

Before Retirement

In fact, everyone is looking forward to retirement. Because then the money comes in without having to do anything for it. This is new and very pleasant!

Also, you don't have to get up so early. You finally have time for your hobbies. This is how one expects retirement - a time of freedom and a better quality of life!

At least that's what happened to me - this February (2022) I retired!

….

And my dear wife double just after - 64 in June 2022. Let's see how our retirements will affect our lives !!??

Then It Comes - Retirement!

Suddenly she is there. You can tell that everything is calming down. When you lose your job, you suddenly lose the sense of achievement that influenced your self-esteem. In addition, the automatically numerous social contacts that have supported one's own importance are reduced.

Diverse business trips are a thing of the past - now you have time to use your cooking skills again. "But there shouldn't be an onion in there!" it says suddenly from behind the back. The woman is surprised that he has recently become so interested in cooking. She sometimes feels pushed aside. "That's my job!"

But she soon got used to it, she's really happy that she can cook with her husband. Depending on the man, there may be a need to cook alone.

Certain companies offer pre-retirement courses to their employees who are about to retire. That might help a little, but it usually turns out differently than expected.

Sometimes it is possible to create the necessary sense of achievement with small projects, which is important for the quality of life.

Have more time to shake hands again! What a quality of life! The quality of relationships largely accounts for our happiness. Now we finally have more time for it!

Continue Working Despite Retirement

Many already feel at 60 that their energy is slowly fading. You get tired faster and often less tolerant. According to the OECD, around 11 percent of those over 65 in Switzerland remain in some form of employment.

Competence is at its peak at this age. Why give up then?

Anyone who has built their self worth in correlation to work will find it very difficult to get off. They need the sense of achievement of their performance. Without them, they feel worthless. This can lead to depression and premature death.

It is therefore important to find meaning in your life. For many, their Christian faith can help. For some, schedules fill up so quickly that executing all plans will be a challenge.

Surprise your partner !! He/She deserves it. Anyone who has stuck together for so long, despite ever-increasing challenges - should also be honored for it. It's wonderful to make your partner laugh. Laughter is very healthy!

Tips For Life After Work

Finances are a priority for many people. After all, at the age of 50 you started to gear your finances towards retirement. Then there are various organizations such as Pro Senectute in Switzerland, which offer seminars where the social and human component is also covered.

What a privilege to retire with a dear partner! And learn together to deal with the time and finances constructively and productively!

Good Planning Is EVERYTHING!

You can ask yourself the following questions BEFORE you retire:

• How could I diversify my everyday life?

• What do I not want to change, what should definitely change?

• How much challenge do I need and how much should the rest be?

• What is the gain and what is the loss of retirement?

• What meaning in life makes sense then?

• How will my relationship world change?

• And what will happen to my finances?

• What jobs around and in the house will I enjoy?

• How important is my health to me? What can I invest for you?

• Is my apartment still suitable for the next few decades?

Remember: Exercise, water, a healthy diet and mental challenges significantly improve retirement!

Happy retirement!