From Friendship to Marriage II

Before deciding to marry, it is beneficial to think about the most important areas of such a relationship. This blog is dedicated to such thoughts.

ACTIVE LISTENING in MARRIAGE

An important quality that defines happy married couples is the ability to actively listen.

This is a challenge for both spouses. The man may already be thinking about the next meeting and is therefore not listening carefully to his wife. Or the wife is busy cooking and needs to make sure everything is done at the right time and in the right order, and so shows limited attention when her husband says something important.

How to foster the important quality of mindful listening:

• take your time

  • If you are under time pressure, you can agree on a joint time window

• Take an interest in your partner's concerns

  • Eye contact is a major benefit that also influences our posture.

  • Give verbal and non-verbal feedback (repeat what was said - nod)

  • Living mutual interest is a diamond in a partnership

• Wait with your opinion

  • Now the interlocutor should be the center of attention, not my opinion

• Questions are always allowed

  • If you don't fully understand something, you should try to understand it completely. The partner notices this interest, which has a positive effect.

• Ask open questions

  • A question that starts with WHY or HOW and cannot simply be answered with YES or NO leads to an interesting dialogue.

• Let your counterpart speak

  • It's not always that easy. You would like to express your own opinion without waiting for the end of the partner words. WAIT is high art!!

  • Those who feel a well-developed respect for their partner have an advantage here.

• Allow no distraction

  • Especially our modern communication tools (mobile phone) love to be the center of our attention!!

  • It is also important to recognize other distraction maneuvers and quickly assess whether they are really more important or not.

• Form your own answer afterwards

  • Don't think about your own answers during the conversation. This could lead to a misunderstanding.

• Try to judge less

  • We are mostly trained to assess situations as quickly as possible.

  • If a problem arises, we want to be able to decide immediately, sometimes we have to; especially in dangerous situations.

  • Such judgments are part of our survival tactics, but they are not appropriate when listening actively.

• Give advice and tips only when asked

  • Most of the time it doesn't work well when we simply impose our own ideas on the partner. This is then often blocked, which can lead to the partner withdrawing.

  • As soon as the partner shows interest in my opinion, THEN the moment has come to actively share my opinion. That will then lead to a TEAM work.

Let's summarize:

Good ACTIVE LISTENING is an important, high-quality quality of REAL LOVE. As soon as we are interested in it, this quality can improve, which will not only be a blessing for the partner, but for the whole social environment.

So don't give up right away, but live strength.

7 Pieces of Advice for a Better Life

Gone stupid! Not everything in life can be organized and controlled in advance. But there are many areas where we could have our options, but fail to ensure a better quality of life through guidance. Here are seven tips.

7 Pieces of Advice for a Better Life

Giving advice is one of those things. Not everyone can handle it for a long time. Many perceive advice more as a blow, but it could also be understood as tips, rules and challenges. Let's try it once:

Tip 1: Take Responsibility

Responsibility can mean giving an answer, namely an answer that shows that this topic has touched me, perhaps even preoccupied me and brought me to a decision. My opinion on this leads me to make this answer a responsibility so that I don't leave it to chance, but start thinking about which direction should be taken so that something good can come of it.

Example: What does it mean if I take on more responsibility in my family, at work and / or with friends? There are important and less important responsibilities. What kind of commitment is behind it, what would such a process mean for me, my family?

Tip 2: Make Important Decisions

To decide means to choose a direction. Left or right. Both are not possible at the same time.

When is a decision important? Think when the resulting consequences can have an impact on my life or that of my loved ones, which can be either positive or negative.

Example: As parents, we are responsible for our children. Therefore, our decisions are the means to live out this responsibility. You have to say NO when hitting your sibling so that both children recognize the moral value of being nice to each other and the importance of love for their neighbor is given meaning.

Tip 3: Choose your Environment Carefully

“There is no such thing as non-communication!” we learned in the psychology class. As soon as we are around people we are influenced whether we want to or not. Therefore there are many people who determine their environment themselves, because they do not want to expose themselves to any influence. Negative people - people who think destructively and live self-destructively - you don't have to be around all the time, otherwise you run the risk of becoming similar.

Example: If someone is a believer, he / she automatically selects people with a similar belief because he / she hopes to be able to live out his / her own belief and maybe learn something from the other person.

Tip 4: Study Every Day

Interesting, every day gives us the chance to learn something for life. Unfortunately, we are often too inattentive that we miss these opportunities. But there are people who have developed this sensitivity that they enjoy learning, even if they are over 50 years old.

How nice it is to meet such people. We can learn a lot from them.

A heart eager to learn can develop a lot of wisdom that leads to a better quality of life. Unfortunately, there are too many learning killers, i.e. systems that can disrupt or prevent our learning. Allow me to name a few: convenience, cellphone, TV, fear, awkward distractions, pride, and people with helper syndrome.

Example: But there are also learning options: language learning programs, constructive goal setting for marriage and family. Willingness and motivation to get ahead in life is probably the basis for all learning.

Tip 5: Train Your Body

By body I don't just mean the muscles, but also the soul and spirit. My whole self, when exercised daily, can become incredibly powerful. Interesting that people who exercise their muscles every day also get better mental powers. The better blood circulation promotes the whole body system. Fresh air, sun and exercise have a very positive effect on body, soul and spirit.

Example: People who are physically trained rarely get depressed as long as they stick with it.

Something like that isn't given to everyone. But even in old age we shouldn't let ourselves be deterred from our walk in the fresh air and hopefully sunshine in any weather. Whoever actively lives movement will be rewarded.

Tip 6: Have the Courage to Love

Fear is the enemy of love. Real love drives fear out. Many people know: LOVE is the most important thing in life. Whoever understands this and tries to implement it has a great advantage in life. In fact, there are people who are afraid of love. As children, you didn't really get to know this approach to social love. Give it a chance!

But also the others, who have already experienced and received love in childhood, are often so distracted in their work and leisure time that the thought of developing their own potential for love never arises. This would lead to a better quality of life for the whole environment and indeed for itself. That's it!

Example: Many spouses fail to make their marriage special. There is no argument against love. Those who strive to love, listen, support, help where necessary, give and take, promote our family system, our social structure and will be valued in many ways.

Tip 7: Be Grateful for Everything

A grateful attitude is a gift. There are a thousand reasons to be grateful. But postmodern people have learned never to be satisfied with themselves, otherwise they would be of too little interest for the economy. Only buying should make him happier, but only for a short time.

There is superficial gratitude, but also one that lies deep within the heart. Anyone who has experienced this gratitude through an experience with Jesus, for example, has a connection to the real deepest source of love. In no case does he want to give this up. Because the experience of this gratitude is unsurpassable and gives inner strength and zest for life to approach everyday life with joy and optimism until our Lord Jesus comes and takes us home.

Example: Grateful people smile quickly and often. You are satisfied with yourself and the environment. How nice it is to be around her. We want to go there, don't we?

Wow, this is quality time. Spending time together, thinking for one another, supporting one another, everything has to be learned. It brings marriage, actually any relationship, to maturity.

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