This is a sculpture of two adults after fighting, sitting with their backs to each other. Yet inside – the child – in both does not want to fight, but be connected. The forgiving, free spirit of children shall become reality in our relationships. That will free us from our stubbornness and enlighten our friendships, especially our marriage and family.
10 Warning Signs
JEALOUSY / Excessive envy, jealousy and paranoia of the perpetrator can lead to the isolation of the victim. For example: The mother/father to the daughter: “You are not allowed to look at or speak to other boys. You are also not allowed to go out alone or with your friends!”
FAMILY HISTORY / The abuser often experienced violence or abuse in childhood. Example: The father hits the mother; the brother torments his girlfriend because he himself was tormented by his parents and/or siblings as a child.
MOTHER HATE / The perpetrator feels strong negative feelings towards his mother. Most of the time he speaks badly about her, even in front of other people. This also leads to the degradation of women/men in general.
FLIABLE TEMPERAMENT / The abuser has no impulse control and is quick to use violence, becoming angry immediately and often using physical aggression to solve problems.
DRUG ABUSE / Anyone who uses drugs and/or alcohol on a daily basis is at great risk of destroying a relationship. The abuser may then say, "I wouldn't have done it if I hadn't been drunk." And often the victim excuses the perpetrator by saying: "If he hadn't been drinking, he wouldn't have hit me."
RIGID ROLE MODELS / Some think women are always dependent, submissive and willing; Men need to lead and make important decisions. They are the dominant ones and have to prove their masculinity, just be a MACHO type.
LOOKING FOR CONTROL / Only the perpetrator's opinion is correct and decisive. He is responsible for all important decisions and opinions, no one else.
DOMINATION / The perpetrator wants absolute control. He dictates all the shopping, the food, the activities, the choice of friends, the vacation program.
AGGRESSIVITY / The perpetrator consciously or unconsciously directs his anger at something that has nothing to do with the actual problem. For example, he/she may become so angry about something that is wrong at school, work, or in the family that he/she hits his/her partner.
LOW SELF-ESTEEM / If the abuser is banging on walls, throwing things around, swearing at people, and having extreme mood swings, then they have poor self-image. He likes to push others down so he can stand over them.
Especially for young people, this topic is highly topical and has been presented in a way that is difficult to understand. They are often the victims of circumstances and therefore dependent on the attention and support of adults.
Definition And Characteristics
Many young people live in relationships where power and control is exercised over other people. This can show up as follows:
Any threat or use of physical force to gain control.
Psychological games, where emotional violence leads to unsettling behavior, where there can often be constant texting, accompanied by constant badmouthing or criticism.
Teenagers destroy their homework and decide for themselves which school activities they want to participate in.
It can also lead to sexual violence, where people are coerced into actions or made to feel sexually inferior, or threatened with rape.
All this can lead to unpleasant consequences, such as
Self-harm (cutting, scratching)
constant indecision
lack of concentration
communication problems
decrease in self-esteem
nightmares and anxiety disorders
guilt and insomnia
anger and aggressive behavior
Eating Disorders and Withdrawal
depression and shame
Young people need our help. These dangers are greatest at the age when they want to be independent and master life themselves.
Statistics
Adolescents who do violence to their friends will continue to do so in adulthood. Violence among young couples is just as bad and widespread as domestic violence in families.
About one in five college students reported being physically and/or sexually abused while on a date!
Violence on such dates knows no boundaries based on race, gender or social class.
The victims are both male and female, but boys and girls are abused in different ways:
Girls quickly yell once, pinch, scratch, kick and threaten to hurt themselves.
Boys hurt girls more severely and more often.
Some young people occasionally experience violence
There are those that are abused more frequently, sometimes daily.
Young people between the ages of 12 and 19 are the most likely to experience rape and sexual assault.
Adolescents aged 18 and 19 are the most frequently persecuted (stalking).
Approximately one in three adolescent girls in the United States experiences physical, emotional, or verbal violence while on a date. (www.futureswithoutviolence.org)
Dating violence among teens has been linked to substance abuse, eating disorders, irresponsible sexual behavior, unwanted pregnancies and suicide. (Molidor, Tolman & Kober, 2000)
Young people often fall in love without even knowing what real love is. Encourage your youth to get to know themselves too well, so that they can also better choose the right partner.
IMPORTANT:
Violent relationships have good times and bad times. What makes this abuse so confusing is that love is mixed with violence. This makes it difficult to tell if you are being abused. If you are unsure, it helps to check the warning signals (see above).
