Raising Kids in a Digital World - Intro

Internet, Smartphones and IPads are a part of our world and our children’s. What challenges and risks does all this technology involve? That is the question today.

Back to the Family

Is technology bringing families – your family – closer together, or rather driving them further apart?

A touchy, but important question.

Kevin and Petra have three children, ages three, seven and ten. When they are not in school, the children are either watching TV or DVDs or playing video games. Should Kevin and Petra be concerned about this? In a way, they feel powerless and have given up the fight. If they were to try to cut back on media, there would be some big repercussions. “We used to have rules, but after a time we couldn’t enforce them anymore,” Petra lamented.

Regulating the use of media is a huge challenge. Many children grow up without rules. Sometimes there is a hint of guidelines, but they are not really put into practice.

One young man I know started playing video games at the age of twelve. When he was 20, he had to go into a psychiatric ward. He had lost all social competence and could only deal with computers. He told me life with a computer was much easier. People are too complicated. Well, of course. Computers do what you tell them to do; people are another story altogether.

At school, children share and encourage each other to download information from the Internet. Fascinating world. Pure excitement. It’s cool.

Social competence must be learned and practiced at home.

Socially competent children can converse sensibly with others and appreciate them. Relationships are important to them and they enjoy many social activities. For that they need the empathy that they will have learned at home with their parents.

What does a child learn who spends a large portion of his time in front of screens? A study from 2010 in Germany showed that 95% of the children between 6 and13 watch almost 100 minutes of TV every day. On top of that, 44% of 12-13 year-olds sit and play computer games. That means they spend more time with digital media than with their parents or friends. Nowadays, many years later, the statistics must be even worse.

When children experience nature at an early age, they develop a fascination and awe of creation that has a positive impact on every part of their lives.

Pixels for People

When every fourth grader in a class has a Smartphone, your son will, of course, want one too. When they play violent games, your daughter will not want to be left out. That’s for sure. Many parents depend on media to keep the children busy when they don’t have time for them. Both parents work outside the home so that when the children come home from school, no one is there. Some parents may come to the conclusion that their children may watch all the TV they want. Four or five hours – no problem. After all, many programs are educational, and they don’t notice any negative influence on family life.

What has become of our families? How do families behave nowadays in restaurants and other public places and transportation? Aren’t the members of the average family busy texting, surfing or reading rather than giving those present at the table, in the car, or next to them in the bus their undivided attention?

Today we carry a TV screen around with us in our pockets, ever present and ready for use. Screens have migrated from being in the background to the foreground of our lives, for children as well as adults. You might say we are trading 'pixels for people'.

Smartphones satisfy many needs, both real and artificial. Young people usually have no idea of the issues involved with media use. Normally no one discusses this with them, and when discussed, children are more interested in immediate gratification.  

Limits

Many parents mean well, but are discouraged by their own limits:

·         "I have too much to do and no time to enforce rules regulating media!"

·         "My husband (or wife) would never support me in this matter!"

·         "Once when I tried it, my children flipped out and we had a huge argument."

·         "It takes a lot of energy to take a stand, hold it and explain the logic behind my decisions to the children in a way that they can understand and accept it. If I took the trouble to do that, I would also have to be consistent, which is not really a strength of mine."

Good Resolutions

This is the beginning of a series dedicated to the discovery of the neurological, psychological and educational effects of media on families and society. If you are motivated to make some good resolutions in this area, keep in mind that good resolutions alone will not produce results. However, if you as a parent, ideally with your spouse (or ex), will move forward one step at a time, you will be able to accomplish great things for your children. Years later, they will recognize what you did for them and thank you for it.

There are many good games available today that can have a positive impact on the development of the brain.

You can make positive changes that will make a difference in your children’s lives, both now and for the rest of their lives.

Warm greetings from Eastern Switzerland,

Terri & Ernst

Can Social Media be Dangerous?

Is social media maybe not as “social” as we think?  Could it even be a danger for society? Accusations against internet giants like Facebook and YouTube are stacking up. Among the critics are people who worked in the sector for years. 

Today’s Situation

Facebook boasts an estimated 2 billion users over the age of 13. At the end of 2017 a new news app called <Messenger Kids> was introduced, especially made for children ages 6-12. To start out, it is only available to Apple devices in the USA. Texts, pictures and videos can be sent with it, video chats can be held, and parents have a certain amount of control over their child’s activities.

The question looming in my mind is: Are children in any way able to use social media sensibly? An initiative was undertaken in which about 20 organizations and more than 100 physicians and psychologists said, "No." This campaign, entitled "For a Childhood Without Advertising," also collected 15,000 signatures calling for Mattel to refrain from putting the language assistant 'Aristotle' on the market. Opponents of the device feared not only an interference in the privacy of the children, but also the danger that they could become potential hacker victims and that their addresses would be used for marketing purposes. Mattel had planned to launch the device in the summer of 2017 for $299.

They point out: “More and more studies show that excessive use of digital devices and social media damages children and teenagers. Therefore the new app will probably undermine their healthy development. They also stated that children cannot cope with the pressure of social networks and have not developed a value for and a sense of privacy. New studies of children and adults show that frequent use of social media promotes dissatisfaction, depressive moods and sleeping disorders.

Former Facebook and Google employees and investors have created a Center for Human Technology. Their main critique was that services like Snapchat, Instagram and YouTube 

follow one main goal:

to keep the attention of the user for as long as possible, in order to produce the greatest possible audience for advertising purposes. (Money)

They call attention to the fact that, of course, addictive behavior is being promoted, as can easily be deduced from the well-known example of television. The longer one sits in front of these devices, the greater the fascination with a fantasy world and the less one is interested in real life and especially in relationships. The risk of a negative impact on society is tangible.

I recently received a questionnaire from Facebook, asking for my personal opinion about how good Facebook is for the world. So we can see that sensitivity to the subject is on the rise. Let's keep an eye on this trend. 

So interesting! The more messages you receive, the happier you get! But how long can that go well? Can one become addicted to that? Could normal life suddenly seem boring and therefore avoided? Could it impact my interest in school, responsibilities at home or my social interactions? Could my frontal lobe be damaged – irreparably? Impossible! You think? 

Like Slot Machines

Those who have ever played the slot machines can understand the “rush” the element of surprise produces in your brain. It works much like a rewards system, calling you to check your phone again and again to see if something new has come in. Many young people are addicted to the system and think they have to answer every message immediately.

Interesting Study

One study was conducted by Professor Jean Twenge shows that teenagers who spend three or more hours on electronic devices per day are 35 % more likely to develop a suicidal risk factor than those who spend less than one hour. At five hours plus, the probability rises to 71 %. The happiest children are those who spend relatively little time in front of a screen.

In one of her books, Professor Twenge explains why kids who are strong on smart phones are less rebellious, more tolerant, less happy and completely unprepared for adult life. 

Basic math will tell us that if technology crowds out interpersonal relationships in favor of virtual contacts, our actual friendships will not be enhanced, but impoverished. God put the first couple in a beautiful garden. They were completely happy in that superb setting, where they could see each other and communicate face to face. Isn’t that the quality of relationship that we as people really need?

Social networks have opened unbelievable possibilities, the benefits of which we can enjoy every day. This is not generally a problem for those of us who are older because our brains have already been programmed. For younger people, however, there is grave danger, which we would better take seriously before it’s too late.

Is Facebook Dangerous for Our Health?

Worse than cigarettes and alcohol:

Research scientists demand warnings be issued against social media.

Social media is a danger to the mental health of our youth. This is the conclusion drawn by the study <StatusOfMind> from England. The potential for addiction is higher than with cigarettes and alcohol. A connection between the increase in depression and phobias can also be traced to Facebook, Instagram and Co. For this reason, researchers are making the following practical political demands:

• Warnings must be given explaining the dangers of excessive use.
• Providers must recognize endangered users and offer them various methods of help.
• Schools must educate children and youth concerning these dangers.   

It is a huge challenge for our schools to carry the responsibility of teaching the balanced use of social media if the parents refuse to cooperate. After all, it is the parents’ sole right to raise the children, while the school is only invested with the right to educate.  

Social Media

At the beginning of 2017, two health organizations, The Royal Society for Public Health (RSPH) and The Young Health Movement (YHM), polled 1497 youth aged 14-24 about their use of Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter and Youtube.

The effects of these on their well-being are quite divergent:

• Youtube is generally viewed as positive.
• Twitter and Facebook are more neutral.
• Snapchat and Instagram are perceived as having a negative influence.

The problem in the last two is the strong emphasis on pictures and the incitement to self-portrayal. Especially girls and young women are discouraged with the reality of their own bodies as compared with the artificial perfection depicted there. 

Fear of Missing Something

1.     A continuous confrontation with pictures of happy, contented friends and their amazing experiences and achievements can cause young people to feel they are constantly missing out on something. (see FEAR OF LOSS) They suffer with the thought that their lives are ordinary and boring in comparison and they cannot keep up.  

2.     The fact that the pictures have been edited and processed only reinforces the effect.

3.     Another big issue is the lack of sleep that the use of social media entails. This problem also compounds the other effects of low self-esteem, creating a vicious cycle.  

"Man, what did he just say? What am I supposed to do? Well, I don’t feel like homework anyway. I can’t wait till school is out. Then I can do something fun.”    

Opportunities in Social Media

Some researchers actually see some good opportunities in the use of social media:

1.     Young people can partake of the experiences of others and obtain information about health from experts.

2.     An online community can have a strengthening and stabilizing affect, for example, when outsiders find others on the web with similar interests.

3.     The universal distribution and incomparable capability to connect people from all walks of life, social media can serve as a powerful catalyzer for good mental health.

The amazing potential concealed in the digitalization of information is almost inconceivable. We cannot go back. Somehow we must always only move forward.  But how? And where are we headed? Is artificial intelligence the answer? Could it lead to a dead end or perhaps into the desert?

It is up to the reader to weigh the pros and cons. There are advantages and disadvantages to every decision. We are all challenged to make choices, not only for ourselves but also for our children. It’s a responsibility we must carry.

In two weeks, this subject will be continued with a special focus on families with children from toddlers to youth. Suggestions will be given on how to deal positively with the world of media in the family. The more we understand these things, the less likely our families and family members will become victims of our society’s progress.

See you soon.