Done With Exam Anxiety

Everyone knows the fear of failing at school. As a teacher of many years, I know this very well. What can you do about it? How can exam anxiety be overcome?

What steps can we take to remove these fears in our children?

1. Find out causes

a. It is important for parents to listen to the child. Exam anxiety can be treated well. But it takes some patience and time.

b. It is often easier for a specialist to help because they can look at things more neutrally - from the outside.

c. The causes of this fear are very individual. Sometimes it's a matter of genetics - anxious and cautious children are more likely to be affected.

d. The parenting style also has an influence:  Authoritarian parents – “Now you do that immediately__” or laissez-faire parents – “You can do whatever you want.”

e. The child's world of experience can also lead to negative feelings.

2. Remove psychological pressure

a. When a child is under pressure, it is difficult for him or her to find motivation to learn - because WITHOUT MOTIVATION - NO LEARNING!!

b. As parents, we can ask ourselves whether the goals and expectations are adapted to the child. Overwhelm is not a good basis for learning.

c. Successful children, who often come home with top grades, can put themselves under a lot of pressure. They should be taught that they don't have to be perfect, that they don't have to know everything. This can reduce learning stress.

d. ATTENTION: Perfectionism seems to be increasing among our new generation of children. This challenges parents to learn to talk about feelers without stress. If, of course, parents say that the grades are not that important, but immediately ask after an exam how the exam went, then psychological pressure to perform automatically arises in the child.

3.   Learn to understand emotions

a. Emotional intelligence (EQ) is required here. See BLOG link for this.

b. It's about better understanding your own emotions, thoughts and feelings.

c. Performance is important in a meritocracy. We have to stand by this. But this shouldn’t create fear and unnecessary pressure.

d. Simply put, it is important to concentrate on the work and the learning topic and not think about the grades. Parents can be helpful for this – or not!

4.   Optimize learning strategies

a. Many children only learn on the evening before a subsequent exam. This can be a bit late for some, especially if the learning material becomes more and more demanding.

b. How come I failed despite learning a lot? What is missing from my learning strategy?

c. Do I perhaps need too much learning time for so little material? What can I optimize?

d. Could it be because of my motivation level? If I'm not motivated, I won't be able to learn. So why is this topic actually important to me?

5.   Avoid blackouts

Individual ‘tools’ can help the child avoid poor outcomes:

i. “What’s good for me now?”

ii. “I solve the exam paper from the beginning and don’t allow myself to be demotivated by the more complicated tasks it contains.”

iii. “I avoid my school colleagues before exams so that they can’t put me in an unpleasant mood.”

6. Learn from bad experiences

a. Experienced parents can accept and motivate a child even after poor exam results. You can bring your children into balance with positive thoughts and words.

b. Dinner is a particularly good time to talk about the past day at school and maybe even make the children laugh. This means that even a failed exam cannot be hidden under the carpet, but can be brought into the family balance. Nobody is perfect!

I wish all parents and grandparents much success

How Can We Support Our Youth?

Our youth is our future. If they learn to take responsibility for other people, perhaps even siblings, sometimes animals and other supporting work, they will grow in their sense of responsibility and become a blessing to those around them.

Our youth are important to us, actually more important than we often think. You will soon be challenged to take responsibility for your own life - job - family - faith - health, etc. It is very important that they have the right values ​​and priorities so that their decisions bring appropriate fruit in their lives.

Educating Is Pulling!!

Education is the biggest and most challenging issue in this context.

Educating has to do with PULLING. When we move, the question arises: WHERE are we moving? Correct! To ourselves. Yes, but then it is important to know WHERE I stand. I want to move in the right direction, right? Parents draw their children to them, to where they stand. So it's important for us parents to seriously think about where WE actually stand as parents.

If you want to become an enthusiastic nature lover, practice early. A relationship with nature can be encouraged in every home. Having your own garden is probably an educational highlight.

Building Resilience In Youth

According to the United Nations (UN), there are 1.8 billion young people between the ages of 10 and 24 worldwide. They estimate this is the largest youth population ever. Unfortunately, many of these young people live in risky environments and are often lured into risky behaviors that can harm their health and shorten their lives. Approximately one in ten young people in the world live in conflict areas and 24 million of them do not go to school. Political instability, broken families, poverty and limited leadership opportunities have led to increasing isolation of young people in societies and faith communities around the world.

Education Is Crucial!

Education is a key factor in our progress towards sustainable development. Adapted education can be important in preventing conflict, eradicating poverty and also in promoting the health and well-being of young people. Seventh-day Adventist (SDA) schools play a critical role in these efforts, which focus on holistic education of mind, body and spirit.

Anyone who enjoys learning is at a great advantage. Our Creator constantly meets us with new knowledge and challenges that make everyday life exciting and provitable.

One way STA schools impact the lives of young people is through the Youth Alive (YA) program. YA focuses on building young people's resilience through intergenerational relationships that promote self-determination and also disciple young people. Young people can lead Youth Alive clubs and friendship groups, positively impacting the lives of their peers. Through Youth Alive, young people can build strong relationships with adult mentors and peers, grow spiritually, and find purpose through service opportunities. YA focuses on educating youth about healthy living and empowering them to say no to at-risk behaviors such as substance or behavioral addictions, violence, suicide, and early sex.

Youth Alive is based on science, and this holistic learning experience can build resilience among teens and young adults in schools, churches, and communities where they live, learn, and worship.

See more at www.YouthAlivePortal.org

How Should We Deal With Narcissists?

Many people are unaware of this topic. What exactly is narcissism? How does this show up in a marriage?

What is Narcissism?

Our self-esteem (see SW) is something delicate and can quickly falter due to criticism. When it comes to children, we can easily see how some people use malicious words to belittle others so that they themselves feel a little bigger. This also happens with adult narcissists.

That's why narcissists often appear unsympathetic in everyday life, place themselves higher than others, take advantage of them or ignore their needs.

Two extremes can occur:

When successful, the person begins to float on a grandiose cloud and expects others to treat him as a special person. But if you fail, the journey can go awry: I can't do anything! I am nothing! It's a shame actually.

What else is normal?

Of course, it corresponds to our need to be seen as good, important and interesting. What matters, however, is how strongly these thoughts and wishes concern us and how flexibly we can deal with them. The more impulsively one deals with the environment and how strongly the urge for recognition is acted out, the more pathological the narcissist is.

How do I recognize a narcissist?

A narcissist always tries - because he needs your support - to treat you as the best. But in the next moment it can reverse as soon as he/she strives for feelings of happiness and wants (needs) to have control back. This can lead to lengthy discussions until the narcissist gets his own way. So that you don't leave him, he tries to relieve you with skill and manipulation, usually unintentionally.

A narcissist has his specialties. For example, he always has to have his camera with him. This is part of his equipment!

Is there hope for change?

Or: Once a narcissist, always a narcissist! Unfortunately, this is the case for most. Many people can no longer change their personality, but behavior patterns can. In therapy you can recognize a lot - truth sets you free! - and integrate positive things into everyday life. As a couple (i.e. with your partner) there is a lot possible.

Now of course EMPATHY (EQ) is required. Consciously responding to your partner's expressions and feelings, giving attention and interest to the other person, this brings you together and enables relationship success and stronger social skills.

Be careful not to become a victim of a narcissist. You can also have a happy love relationship with such a person. But it requires as much effort as possible from both sides. It's worth looking in the mirror and asking yourself: What's really going on inside me? Why do I react like this? Anyone who even recognizes a mistake and can genuinely apologize has a good chance of moving forward.

How did you actually become a narcissist?

No narcissist genes have been found (yet)! The reason probably lies in upbringing. The parents have failed to satisfy the child's elementary needs for closeness, understanding and exchange of feelings. That's why the child - later the narcissist - doesn't know himself that well.

An example would be: The little one falls down and starts crying. The mother says: “Stop crying now!” It would be better to comfort the child and ask about the cause, as knowledge of the truth sets you free.

Children who are neglected and have to take responsibility for their siblings at an early age also tend to move in this direction.

Narcissists often love children. They can play with them, even narcissistic games, where they can be the hero and get recognition.

Can you have a happy marriage with a narcissist?

Because narcissists often want to make you feel good, you can also have pleasant or even brilliant times together. They are practiced at recognizing their partner's motives and can express this in a positive way. They have impressive powers of observation when it comes to assessing other people and quickly notice things that others would only notice much later.

Intelligent narcissists are convincing and engaging, even in a professional context. They are hard-working and have often acquired a lot of know-how. They seem competent. Because they are good speakers, most people enjoy listening to them. This is why they are often found in leadership positions. Even in politics!

In summary, I would like to say that narcissists are not malicious people. They need their freedom so that they can develop. But boundaries are also important for them. The better you know yourself, the better you can respond to the needs of others.

The leaves fall in autumn. It gets dark faster and so does some people's hearts. Winter is approaching, which for many leads to dark, even depressive thoughts.

….

Winterblues

Für manche sind graue, dunkle Tage kein Problem, ja vielleicht sogar ein Genuss. Auch Kälte und Nässe stören sie gar nicht. Aber viele Menschen haben damit Mühe, wenn sich der Sommer und der bunte Herbst verabschiedet und dafür die graue Winterzeit bevorsteht.

Antriebslosigkeit, miese Laune und keine Lust für irgendetwas, das ist typisch für den Winterblues. So richtig depressiv sind die Betroffenen aber doch nicht. Es ist damit einfach eine saisonale Depression gemeint.

Da es meist noch dunkel ist, wenn der Wecker klingelt, kommen viele nur mit Mühe aus den Betten. Eine melancholische Stimmung macht sich breit. Dabei ist wichtig, dass wir es nicht zu einer depressiven Verstimmung kommen lassen. Eine solche zeigt sich an, wenn sich starke Müdigkeit, schlechte Stimmung, Mangel an Motivation oder auch soziale Vereinsamung erkennbar ist.

Es gibt unter uns Menschen, die nur in dieser winterlichen Zeit solche Symptome erleben. Bei uns in der Schweiz trifft es doch etwa 300K Menschen, die eine solche saisonale Depression erleben. Dabei trifft es vor allem solche, die früher schon depressive Episoden erlebt haben oder auch Personen mit einer bipolaren Störung.

Es werde Licht !! Die Weihnachtszeit ist voller Licht - Kerzenlicht aber auch Herzenslicht. Viele Menschen werden im Herzen mit Dankbarkeit, Familiengemeinschaft und Geschenken erfreut. Happy Christmas, liebe Freunde dieses Bloges. :-)

Let there be light !! The Christmas season is full of light – candlelight but also heartlight. Many people's hearts are filled with gratitude, family fellowship, and gifts. Merry Christmas, dear friends of this blog. :-)

Let There Be Light

People who react strongly to daylight also exert more effort when the days start later and end earlier. This quickly leads to an upset.

Can one escape, or even avoid, such upsets?

• People who can pamper themselves by treating themselves to something like a special meal, a game night, a hike in the mountains, a massage, etc., can quickly get out of a depressed mood.

• A healthy lifestyle with a balanced diet (see LLG), sufficient sleep and enough exercise is very helpful. Physical activity in nature is good for you holistically. During such active activity, the happiness hormones endorphin, dopamine and serotonin are released.

• Light is a great healing factor. Special lamps with a light intensity of around 2500-10000 lux can work wonders. Being in front of the light for about half an hour, perhaps eating something, listening to music or reading a good book, has a very positive effect that occurs after three to four days at the latest.

Anzeichen für eine depressive Verstimmung

Als solche Symptome gelten im Allgemeinen:

• Öfters auftretende Müdigkeit

• Gedrückte Stimmung, Freudlosigkeit

• Verlust an Interesse, Antriebsmangel

• Erschöpfung

• Sozialer Rückzug, sexuelle Unlust

• Anspannung

• Reizbarkeit, Nervosität

• Konzentrationsmangel

• Appetitmangel, Lust auf Kohlenhydrate (oftmals ungesund)

• Schlafstörungen führt zu erhöhtem Schlafbedürfnis

• Männer leiden oft unter

  • Kontrollverlust

  • Unzufriedenheit, Unruhe

  • Erhöhte Risikobereitschaft

  • Aggressives Verhalten

Menschen, mit derartigen saisonalen Depressionen sind nicht einfach nur ein bisschen traurig. Es bedeutet mehr: Es ist wichtig, solche betroffenen Personen ernst zu nehmen und sie zu unterstützen, damit sie nicht der Lebensfreude ganz verfremden.

These two young people are free from depression. Anyone who moves like this every day, i.e. experiences physical tension and relaxation through movement, will be free from mental distress. Interesting. The body can influence the soul.

Signs of a depressive mood

Such symptoms are generally considered to be:

• Fatigue that occurs frequently

• Depressed mood, joylessness

• Loss of interest, lack of drive

• exhaustion

• Social withdrawal, sexual dislike

• tension

• Irritability, nervousness

• Lack of concentration

• Lack of appetite, desire for carbohydrates (often unhealthy)

• Sleep disorders lead to an increased need for sleep

• Men often suffer

  • Loss of control

  • Dissatisfaction, restlessness

  • Increased willingness to take risks

  • Aggressive behavior

People with seasonal depression aren't just a little sad. It means more: It is important to take such affected people seriously and to support them so that they do not become completely alienated from the joy of life.

Live your faith

Anyone who has a belief and has already experienced it and applied it in everyday life has an advantage.

Such persons know that they can go to their Creator at any time. HE looks forward to every contact and takes our mood seriously and wants to help us get into a better mood.

PSALM 103 in particular can be of assistance here. Please try it next time.

Anyone who thinks about what happened on the cross will penetrate into the length, breadth, depth and height of God's love. It is universally highly significant what JESUS ​​accomplished for us on the cross: HE gives us the opportunity to accomplish with HIM in heaven forever - that is, eternally. Do you also accept this offer?

Dealing With Insults

Children are also affected. Those who learn to deal with psychological injuries early on have a lifelong advantage.

When Do You Speak Of An Insult?

“Ow!! That hurt!" Someone hurt you with words. It must have happened to you too, right?

The mood changes, is irritable and the level of aggression rises.

It's not just words, but also their tone, facial expressions and behavior, contemptuous looks or being treated like air that can hurt, even humiliate us. This can result in another insulting reaction, which we want to beware of so that we don't jeopardize our high quality of life. Agreed?

Anyone who learns to deal with insults in such a way that they cannot negatively affect our lives is only doing themselves and those around them good. Bravo! However, this is not easy. There needs to be an intellectual engagement with this issue, which is what we are doing right now.

Insults cloud the zest for life and often leave exhausting bitterness behind. They affect the quality of our relationships. They attack our self-esteem (LINK). Depending on the severity of the hurt and our ability or inability to deal with it, it can range from pity to an inner earthquake. Who likes a 'slap in the face', possibly in front of other people.

Such experiences are a slap in the face, especially in the family, among friends and at work. The closer we are to an offending person, the more striking the effect.

Insults indicate problems of the offender. Anyone who offends is sick and makes others sick too!!

Insults affect us holistically, i.e. body, soul and spirit. Unfortunately, we cannot prevent ourselves from being hurt too. They hurt the most when they hurt a sore point in our past or our self-esteem (LINK). The good news is:

We can counter the destructive thoughts and emotions of others, which then also want to be produced in us, with the following strategy:

Effect Of Insults

The Apostle Paul has divine counsel on this subject:

"Don't be defeated by evil, but defeat evil with good!"

Isn't that wonderful advice?

We all experience insults differently. What might make one laugh, might make another cry. One has thick skin, another is highly sensitive (LINK). Some have already learned to deal with such challenges as constructively as possible, while others are helpless and quickly fall victim to insult.

People with low self-esteem are vulnerable and easily hurt. Narcissists are also included. But then they tend to retaliate properly!

Inner bitterness often leads to outer armor. Thinking is tied to the hurt. The inner peace has said goodbye, forgiveness is hardly possible for many. This bitterness is usually a mixture of aggressiveness, resignation, revenge and self-destruction. Because these feelings can cause severe stress, they can affect blood pressure, metabolism, hormone levels, and even muscles. It goes without saying that the zest for life and interest in the environment are lost.

Dealing With Insults

Viktor Frankl gave us a good tip:

“Don't blame others for your misfortune. Take responsibility for your own happiness!”

Offensive people show their own weaknesses with such behavior. With an emotionally intelligent response (LINK) we may be able to help such a person. Being able to put yourself in the shoes of such a person and do something sensible with that, to respond to them with an unexpectedly helpful response, can have very positive effects. High EQ is a guarantee of success (LINK).

Constructive Steps

1. Evaluation of the slight

Only the offended can decide whether to give the insult received a chance to offend or even destroy him. The most vicious insult and most insidious debasement lose their explosive force when the recipient can relativize, neutralize and reassess them.

2. mirroring the hurt

By repeating the words spoken by the offending person, you can help them to better evaluate their statement from a distance. This can be done with a question or simply an 'offending sentence' formulated in other words.

3. Analyze reaction and message

Maybe reflecting the hurt will change something, maybe even improve it. Nevertheless, it is an advantage to analyze the situation in order to understand it factually. An outsider can also contribute if the importance demands it.

4. apply empathy

By trying to slip into the situation (skin) of the other person, things may become clearer to me. The motives are recognized more easily and show the connection between his motivations.

5. Try looking in the mirror

By rethinking your own reaction, the hurt feelings, you can better recognize and process your own behavioral patterns. These include silence, anger, rage, or even feelings of revenge.

6. take truth seriously

"Truth makes free," says Scripture. This sentence has it all. Truth relieves unnecessary burdens and enables a rational response.

7. change of perspective

Those who cultivate this ability have great advantages. Putting yourself in someone else's shoes makes it much easier to understand that person. If you understand a provocative person, then an appropriate reaction is much more possible. This can then help on both sides and have a liberating effect.

8. practice forgiveness

Forgiveness is the most mature, noblest, but most difficult form of response to hurt. Unforgiveness ruins relationships. Forgiveness allows them to deepen. It is an important part of real love. Instead of falling into a victim role, a friendship role is made possible. This helps both parties.

We are always faced with insults. But if we learn to 'disempower' them, then we are on the constructive side of life. I wish you that, dear reader, with all my heart.

Thoughts from the magazine LEBEN & GESUNDHEIT 2/2019 from Advent-Verlag in Krattigen CH