Children are also affected. Those who learn to deal with psychological injuries early on have a lifelong advantage.
When Do You Speak Of An Insult?
“Ow!! That hurt!" Someone hurt you with words. It must have happened to you too, right?
The mood changes, is irritable and the level of aggression rises.
It's not just words, but also their tone, facial expressions and behavior, contemptuous looks or being treated like air that can hurt, even humiliate us. This can result in another insulting reaction, which we want to beware of so that we don't jeopardize our high quality of life. Agreed?
Anyone who learns to deal with insults in such a way that they cannot negatively affect our lives is only doing themselves and those around them good. Bravo! However, this is not easy. There needs to be an intellectual engagement with this issue, which is what we are doing right now.
Insults cloud the zest for life and often leave exhausting bitterness behind. They affect the quality of our relationships. They attack our self-esteem (LINK). Depending on the severity of the hurt and our ability or inability to deal with it, it can range from pity to an inner earthquake. Who likes a 'slap in the face', possibly in front of other people.
Such experiences are a slap in the face, especially in the family, among friends and at work. The closer we are to an offending person, the more striking the effect.
Insults indicate problems of the offender. Anyone who offends is sick and makes others sick too!!
Insults affect us holistically, i.e. body, soul and spirit. Unfortunately, we cannot prevent ourselves from being hurt too. They hurt the most when they hurt a sore point in our past or our self-esteem (LINK). The good news is:
We can counter the destructive thoughts and emotions of others, which then also want to be produced in us, with the following strategy:
Effect Of Insults
The Apostle Paul has divine counsel on this subject:
"Don't be defeated by evil, but defeat evil with good!"
Isn't that wonderful advice?
We all experience insults differently. What might make one laugh, might make another cry. One has thick skin, another is highly sensitive (LINK). Some have already learned to deal with such challenges as constructively as possible, while others are helpless and quickly fall victim to insult.
People with low self-esteem are vulnerable and easily hurt. Narcissists are also included. But then they tend to retaliate properly!
Inner bitterness often leads to outer armor. Thinking is tied to the hurt. The inner peace has said goodbye, forgiveness is hardly possible for many. This bitterness is usually a mixture of aggressiveness, resignation, revenge and self-destruction. Because these feelings can cause severe stress, they can affect blood pressure, metabolism, hormone levels, and even muscles. It goes without saying that the zest for life and interest in the environment are lost.
Dealing With Insults
Viktor Frankl gave us a good tip:
“Don't blame others for your misfortune. Take responsibility for your own happiness!”
Offensive people show their own weaknesses with such behavior. With an emotionally intelligent response (LINK) we may be able to help such a person. Being able to put yourself in the shoes of such a person and do something sensible with that, to respond to them with an unexpectedly helpful response, can have very positive effects. High EQ is a guarantee of success (LINK).
Constructive Steps
1. Evaluation of the slight
Only the offended can decide whether to give the insult received a chance to offend or even destroy him. The most vicious insult and most insidious debasement lose their explosive force when the recipient can relativize, neutralize and reassess them.
2. mirroring the hurt
By repeating the words spoken by the offending person, you can help them to better evaluate their statement from a distance. This can be done with a question or simply an 'offending sentence' formulated in other words.
3. Analyze reaction and message
Maybe reflecting the hurt will change something, maybe even improve it. Nevertheless, it is an advantage to analyze the situation in order to understand it factually. An outsider can also contribute if the importance demands it.
4. apply empathy
By trying to slip into the situation (skin) of the other person, things may become clearer to me. The motives are recognized more easily and show the connection between his motivations.
5. Try looking in the mirror
By rethinking your own reaction, the hurt feelings, you can better recognize and process your own behavioral patterns. These include silence, anger, rage, or even feelings of revenge.
6. take truth seriously
"Truth makes free," says Scripture. This sentence has it all. Truth relieves unnecessary burdens and enables a rational response.
7. change of perspective
Those who cultivate this ability have great advantages. Putting yourself in someone else's shoes makes it much easier to understand that person. If you understand a provocative person, then an appropriate reaction is much more possible. This can then help on both sides and have a liberating effect.
8. practice forgiveness
Forgiveness is the most mature, noblest, but most difficult form of response to hurt. Unforgiveness ruins relationships. Forgiveness allows them to deepen. It is an important part of real love. Instead of falling into a victim role, a friendship role is made possible. This helps both parties.
We are always faced with insults. But if we learn to 'disempower' them, then we are on the constructive side of life. I wish you that, dear reader, with all my heart.
Thoughts from the magazine LEBEN & GESUNDHEIT 2/2019 from Advent-Verlag in Krattigen CH
