The newest studies on this subject have come to some extremely interesting conclusions. Both parents and young people have much food for thought and opportunities for growth.
The Current Situation
People who are 50 and older say that today’s society is not what it used to be! Evidently they are thinking of past norms and standards, of which our attitude toward sexuality is a part. In addition, the family as a sacred unit is showing signs of dying. New forms of relationships are being introduced. These are a far cry from yesteryear’s societal and biblical traditions.
Modern and different relationships are in. Old, uptight inhibitions of the past are thrown overboard in favor of new experiments. Past ethics and morals are, generally, consciously ignored. Every person should be able to choose his or her or its own gender. Fascinating (and scary) thought! Where might it lead us?
When it comes to premarital sex, there are countries where it remains taboo. Among these are Indonesia, Turkey, Egypt, China and Israel. At the other end of the spectrum, countries where it is more readily accepted as the new “normal” are Germany, France, Spain and Italy. The USA is closer to the middle, between these two mindsets.
In the second list of countries there is also a shift in attitude toward divorce and affairs, and these have also become more commonplace. Sex, whenever and with whom ever you want it, is seen as comparable with food and other matters of enjoyment. Lust is in. Some people’s lives declare, "I’m going to enjoy life to the fullest and nobody can stop me! After all, that’s what life is all about!" Is it really?
Every teenager’s dream: a loving, lifelong partner with whom to share unfettered joy and happiness. This is, unfortunately, a dream that too often ends in a nightmare. It shouldn’t be that way. It would really be worth the effort to learn how to avoid making such a disaster your own experience.
Questions
Observant and thoughtful people may ask themselves the following questions:
What are the advantages of having sex before marriage?
What advantages are there in waiting until marriage?
What are the consequences of living together outside of marriage?
Study
Between 2006 and 2009, 2035 US citizens answered the comprehensive 300-question "Relationship Evaluation Questionnaire". All the participants were in heterosexual relationships.
Results
This study clearly showed that the longer a couple waits for sexual intimacy, the better sexual satisfaction, communication, stability and happiness can be expected in marriage.
Some may interject the importance of finding out their level of sexual compatibility before getting tied down. Although that could actually be a good argument in favor of premarital relations, reality demonstrates that sexual reserve allows couples to develop their communication and social skills. It seems to be problematic, when early sexual experiences fix the attention mostly on physical and sexual aspects of a relationship rather than on other vital values such as education, direction in life, common goals, family and other deal-breaking subjects.
When the focus is directed toward the physical aspect of a relationship and not so much on mind and spirit, many couples are completely surprised to discover, after less than two years of marriage, who they are actually married to. Suddenly other values become more important. Sex loses its amazing appeal. Everyday life kicks in with other needs, motives, values and goals.
Frühzeigitge Early sexual experiences produce a lower level of commitment, a natural tendency to compare one’s partner with previous lovers, and make break-ups more probable. This was verified in a study published in 2012 in which SASSLER et al. examined the connection between the timing of sexual intimacy entering a relationship and its quality.
Summary of Pros and Cons
"Sexual restraint before marriage produced better relationships after marriage, independent of education, number of previous lovers, religion and duration of relationship."
So it seems there are no long-term advantages to be harvested from premarital sex, really only disadvantages. Some disadvantages include the reduction of one’s ability to bond, and a decrease in one's foresight and sense of responsibility. True love is not primarily about physical enjoyment, but much more about emotional and mental values. These are best developed in the early stages of a relationship. Couples who follow this principle will naturally have happier marriages, because they will have laid a good foundation before trying to build their “house”.
Building relationships on physical appearance is a race against time, because beauty is only skin deep. Time changes everything. Those who build on mind and soul discover infinite potential in their relationship.
Wisdom and reason are perfect (and often missing) ingredients in a recipe for love that will facilitate positive development. There are still young people who choose to stand up against the pressure of peers and society. They prefer a better way, the path less traveled. That will make all the difference in their quests to achieve their own personal versions of 'marital bliss' and 'happily ever after'.
Good to Know
Relationships that grow slowly are generally of higher quality
Couples who had sex within a month had the worst results
Sexual activity always marks a turning point in a relationship
Emotional intimacy is more likely to lead to sexual intimacy than the other way around
Couples who know and understand each other well have no trouble being intimate with each other later
When a couple begins with sex, their focus often remains there
The strong desire for sex often inhibits the development of other important areas like commitment, the ability to bond and commonalities
Good sex is often mistaken for love
Immature sexual affairs lead to unhealthy emotional complications that seldom end well
Stress can easily arise in a “quick” relationship when one partner or the other demonstrates more commitment than the other
Couples in such relationships tend to be less content and invest less energy in their relationships, express only marginal quality in the sexual and emotional aspects of their relationships, are less happy and have poorer communication, which leads to more conflicts.
Paradox: Those who concentrate most on sexual gratification end up robbing themselves of it.
Marriage – Why Bother?
Studies show:
The quality of a relationship is clearly dependent on the manner in which the beginning is conducted.
Unmarried men report significantly less contentment in many areas of life than married men who did not live together before marriage.
Men who lived with their partners before marriage exhibited a significantly weaker ability to communicate. The same applies to women.
Living together out of wedlock generally leads to poorer quality in marriages. Couples that “slip” into living together are especially likely to end up unhappy and instable.
Ref: BOGI Nr140
I’m sorry to say it, but there are very few people who really understand what true love is. If a person did not receive enough true love and doesn’t know where to get it, they won’t know the potential it carries, and may end up settling for less. That is just so sad! Especially since everybody is hungry for love! eigenlich ist, (BLOG)
The question that may have come up between the lines:
What is true love anyway?
Young people have a right to love. Unfortunately, many who have a very limited experience with true love in childhood try to make up for the lack as soon as they are old enough to carry the responsibility for their own lives. Depending on their understanding of love, the fruit of their early childhood training becomes visible in their relationships.
Many feel unloved, misunderstood and lonely inside. They try to compensate for these negative feelings with a love affair. They have no idea that the emotions they feel have nothing to do with true love. They think the stronger the butterflies in their stomachs, the greater their love. This is a huge deception propagated by Hollywood! Romantic movies intoxicate the senses, causing people with a great need for love to project these perfect pictures onto their imperfect partners and lull them into a false sense of security.
Infatuation <> True Love
Statistics show that it takes about two years of marriage for a couple to begin to realize what true love is made of. This shows that our understanding of love is often not really well developed. Here is a table with a few comparisons:
In the carelessness of youth, many things can happen that cause regret. While it is true that wisdom comes with age, it would definitely be an advantage for the youth if they could understand these things earlier in life.
Everyone who understands these two 'systems' is welcome, even requested, to help the many unknowledgeable young people in their spheres of influence not to bring unnecessary suffering and pain upon themselves and others.
