Statistics say 69% of all conflicts are unresolvable!
"Statistics are lies!" That’s what I learned from my old math teacher. However, they do usually show a certain trend. (Depending on who paid for the study!)
Of course, there are many couples who have a lower number of unresolvable conflicts. Maybe they already weeded out some possible conflicts in the courting phase. But unfortunately, with many it is actually true.
Much of the strife that we deal with on a daily basis simply cannot be eliminated, no matter how much we want and work for it.
Life is full of conflicts - It almost seems they’re a natural part of life.
Sideline:
Problems versus Challenges
What are problems? When I hear that word, I think of some difficulty, a mountain ahead with no way around it and no solution in sight – a pessimistic situation.
What are challenges? Doesn’t that word sound optimistic? You’re automatically thinking about what the solution might be. It’s just a matter of time and effort.
These two basic attitudes alone can make a huge difference in our daily conflicts. It is said that men are naturally solution oriented. Therefore, they have a special challenge in this area. “Don’t worry, Honey. We’ll find a solution!” Sometimes they need to remember that the solution is often found in the very act of actively listening to their wives!
Unfortunately, unresolved conflicts can have a strong negative impact on our need for intimacy.
Symptoms of unresolved conflicts can include:
· Both parties have knuckled down in their positions and cannot budge.
· Conversations only lead to deeper hard-heartedness; communication is immature, frustrating and hurtful.
· No good will is on either side, and the parties give up trying to communicate on the information level.
If these tendencies are not treated and replaced with constructive behavior, the relationship will eventually shatter. What a shame! By allowing that to happen, the parties lose out on a good and important chance to grow and mature!
What can we do with unresolvable conflicts?
Unresolvable conflicts usually arise as a result of diverging personalities or dissimilar lifestyles (for example cultures). Each individual is a unique complex ‘system’, and has his or her own completely different program as a basis. This foundation was laid in the person’s childhood and youth. That’s why it is no wonder that there are problems in areas like money, education, faith, order, family, sex, friendships and hobbies.
The good news is . . .
. . . the fact that unresolvable conflicts can remain unresolved. We needn’t think it’s only possible to have harmony when every challenge has been solved. When we remove our conflicts from the emotional level and place them on the level of pure information, then a harmonious relationship can very well be achieved!!
This process of moving into the information level is usually easier for one partner than for the other. In such cases, a generous portion of patience and empathy will be needed. To be continued ...
Even strongly contrasting personalities can find common ground to work on. :-) (-:
