5 Steps To Integrity

Integrity - being in congruence with oneself - living one's values ​​and beliefs too, these are important values ​​for people who want to make more of their life.

What Is Integrity Anyway?

Integrity is increasingly required as an important, desirable requirement for certain professions. It is becoming increasingly important, especially among top managers.

But again and again we see in everyday life that there is a discrepancy between strength of character, honesty and actual life. Is it due to the lack of lived role models? Is the sentence correct:

"Those who are aware of their own dignity can no longer be seduced." ?

Is it perhaps because of our self-worth (LINK)), which is still inferior and leads us into unnecessary and unhealthy addictions?

Definition:

Integrity is the correspondence of personal values ​​with one's own actions. A person of integrity lives in the knowledge that his personal convictions, standards and values ​​are also expressed in his behavior.

The synonyms for integrity are incorruptibility, impeccability and impeccability.

The opposite would then be corruption, i.e. letting oneself be guided by external temptations or threats.

A person of integrity is not a weather vane in the wind, but a compass that permanently and correctly points north regardless of the weather. It's not about perfectionism (LINK), but about authenticity and honesty towards yourself and your values.

The Latin word “INTEGRARE” means RESTORE, MAKE WHOLE.

Living integrity is a process of permanent positive change in one's own personality. INTEGRITAS means INTEGRITY. This also thinks of the inner person, of his characteristics, qualities, weaknesses, which are based on healthy values ​​and can be developed into a better quality of life.

Why Is Integrity So Important?

1. It's about credibility and trust

• Integrity is the basis for our relationships, both privately and professionally.

• You can rely on people of integrity.

Integrity pays off in business. Not only financially, but also in the world of relationships.

2. Integrity promotes quality of life

• Living upright, honest feels good. Bad posture affects our wellbeing.

• Living in "hypocrisy" makes us lose our confidence in ourselves. We become easily manipulable.

• Our self-esteem (LINK) has a lot to do with our lived integrity.

A good conscience is always rewarded. This quality of life is characterized by a high level of self-worth. A reason to be happy!

3. Our world of relationships is strengthened

• “Playing roles” and “wearing masks” is becoming less attractive.

• If you talk honestly about everything, then real answers and solutions can be found, because after all it is said: "Honesty lasts the longest!"

• Our environment feels that it is treated with dignity and respect. One is more attentive, more affectionate, more loving and understanding and rests in inner peace.

In a marriage relationship in particular, integrity promotes the quality of happiness. Honesty, mutual understanding and good listening (LINK) make a partner life really worth living.

4. Our health is promoted

• A large proportion of mental illnesses could be prevented if our integrity were so strong that we neither impose our will on others nor allow us to be belittled in our eyes by the opinions of others.

• Act on principles, not opinions! We are easily distracted from our resolutions.

• Integrity directs our minds towards truth, importance, expressiveness and reality. When we approach health issues in this way, we realize that we are often dishonest of ourselves. However, if we're really up for it, the banal, frivolous, picky, exotic, improbable, and idiotic no longer captivate us.

• Integrity helps us examine the evidence and see our own prejudice. It demands high standards from us and forces us to base our beliefs on evidence, not whims.

• In short, integrity protects us from hypocrisy.

A friendship built on integrity is based on reality, the truth and leads to mutual support and respect.

5. Integrity is a protection

• Integrity has saved thousands from becoming addicted for turning down a drug offer when fascinated by the prospect of pleasure.

• How many smokers ignore known facts in an attempt to “belong” or appear “more interesting”?

• There is a big difference between becoming dependent on ignorance and intentionally hiding the truth.

Who likes to say: NO thanks. But sometimes it's a necessary decision. Especially when it comes to meaningful principles that affect our lives and our future.

In summary it can be said:

Integrity is the basis for good mental health, trustworthy interpersonal relationships and responsible behavior.

Integrity is an essential factor in the NEWSTART PLUS concept (LINK). Integrity is a behavior that has a significant impact on our health.

Let us promote it!

Thoughts from www.lug-mag.com

How to Bring Balance into your Family

My home is my castle. Home is the place where we get programmed for life. It is also where the most important battles are either won or lost. Those who are aware of this important fact can take steps to positively impact the destiny of family members.    

Home Sweet Home

It is easy to furnish a house; but few understand the art of creating a home. Each individual in a house either promotes or hinders the process.

In Africa they say every road eventually leads home, and in Russia, those who feel at home everywhere are actually never at home! What do you think? 

When I was a little boy in Berneck (eastern Switzerland), an older lady lived at our house with us. Whenever she got a chance, she would recite the following poem: 

When old “Aunt Marti” died, my father continued the tradition until he died. Now it’s my turn, and I hope my children will carry the tradition into their homes. As parents we don’t raise children; we raise adults who will one day have their own homes and write their own stories. 

Three suggestions for a balanced family:

1.     Get to know your own story better

o   We are often unaware of how our reactions appear to others. Our high volume, hurtful scolding, ugly comments and emotional unavailability are all linked to our own personal history.

o   Christian Morgenstern once said: "Home isn't where our house is, but wherever we are understood." This shows where our ability to understand is developed. Those who understand their history understand themselves better, and those who understand themselves better can understand more.

o   So, if we will take the time to track and ponder the fears that show up in practical ways in our interactions, note our observations and speak about them with a friend or partner, we may learn to replace our negative thoughts with positive ones. If parents worked through their fears in this way, their children would benefit greatly.  

2.    Understanding and Being Understood

o   In order for others to understand us, it is important for us to understand them. Conversely, the better we understand others, the easier it will be for them to understand us.

o   Behind every difficult person (or child) is an element of misunderstanding. Low self-esteem and the inability to accept authority are generated by this feeling of being misunderstood.

o   When children or adults make trouble, it is usually a sign that they have a problem with themselves, i.e. they feel misunderstood. (see BLOG). The Bible says, ‘He that loves others loves himself.’ So if I don’t like myself that will influence my social interactions.

o   Relationships can be transformed by showing concern for others. When we take interest in the concerns of another, we can make a friend of our greatest enemy.    

3.    Grace and Truth in Balance

o   Understanding the difference between conditional and unconditional love is crucial. (see BLOG).

o   Children need both. In a balanced home truth (conditional love) and grace (unconditional love) will be equally visible.

o   When grace is too generously applied, truth suffers and vice versa.  

o   A child’s relationship and access to truth must be exercised.  He or she must learn that life contains consequences, causation and conditions, and that there is great benefit in considering these when making decisions. Example: Living within the laws of health promotes a high quality of life.

o   An experience with grace is also essential. We are not advocating spoiling a child; discipline seasoned with grace, a loving attitude that softens the unavoidable consequences demonstrates one’s unshakeable friendship and goodwill. Your reasonable actions, your interest in doing what’s best for the child will awaken a sensible response in the child. This balance of grace and truth – love and justice – can help children feel good about the discipline and instruction they receive.

o   We should never sacrifice our relationship with our children for the sake of forced compliance. Relationships are paramount. In order for a certain behavior to be achieved, a corresponding measure of understanding, background, logic and values must all be in place. As adults we are sometimes negligent in supplying these and expect too much of our offspring.

o   Many adults are tempted to force obedience using great pressure to produce quick results. A farsighted and careful construction of values in a child requires time and compassion, but will eventually produce lasting results.

o   Comprehension and counsel should precede discipline whenever possible (see BLOG).

o   In order to ascertain whether our impatience springs from our personal background or not, we should look inside ourselves and analyze our feelings. This process will help us make better decisions. Personal fears and deficits in parents can cause irreparable damage in children and should therefore be given as little influence as possible.

o   Let’s do a better job – for the children’s sake!

A family that sticks together through thick and thin is great publicity for the value of a solid family and a source of never ending joy. If only there were more! Will you help raise the bar?    

 Some Quotes and Proverbs  

The strength of a nation derives from the integrity of the home. Confucius

Love begins by taking care of the closest ones – the ones at home. Mother Theresa

The future will be determined by the home and the school. The child becomes largely what he is taught; hence we must watch what we teach, and how we live. Jane Addams

There’s no place like home.

One goes home with every care, while another fears to show up there.

Home is where you are loved in spite of your mistakes.

Love makes every house a home.

Home is where the heart is.

A family is like a bank: The more you put into it, the more you’ll get out of it.  

The 5 Love Languages of Children - 'I am completely there for you'

For small children, playing means learning. They are hungry for knowledge and want to get to know their world. 'I don't have time now' often forces them to choose the way out of whining. Their need for love tank filling is often stronger than their hunger.

You can get to know the 1st and 2nd love language here: LS1-Tenderness LS2-Lob

Love language 3:

Focused Attention

Example Petra

The four-year-old Petra tugs on her father's arm: "Daddy, play something with me!" "That doesn't work now, I still have to send an email. But after that I'll come." Five minutes later, Petra is in the kitchen and asks: "Mom, are you playing with me?" "Not possible at the moment, my darling, I still have to finish preparing dinner. But when I'm done, we'll play together."

If this scene happens similarly every day, then it looks like Petra is speaking this love language. It needs undivided, personal attention and care. It is also called Quality Time.

Over time, this whining can give you the rest that you threaten to punish the child or put him in room arrest, which is exactly the opposite of what Petra could have made strong. Just 10 minutes of focused attention can be enough to fill up the love tank.

Right from the start: The game has it all. The child learns to concentrate on objects, recognizes more and more the connections and backgrounds and is thus introduced to the causality of life. This understanding grows day by day. The older the child, the more demanding nature observations should be.

A Tip for the Fathers

Allow at least 10 minutes before bedtime for every child, regardless of age, to give them focused attention. This means that without any disturbance from the sibling or mother, you can meet the child at eye level and play, read or do anything that the child has fun at the child's level. This will fill the child's love tank and promote a good, healthy sleep. The next day will reward you and / or the mother for it. The more you do this, the stronger your child will become emotionally.

Actually every child needs a certain amount of attention. The easiest way to identify a deficit in this regard is in children who behave abnormally. That is, the child begins to force the parents to give at least negative attention. He accepts punishment and disadvantages, which shows his desperation.

Unfortunately, it often happens that even children who are loved by their parents still have to grow up with an empty love tank. What a tragedy! Most of the time, the parents don't know what they're doing wrong.

The older the child gets, the more quality and commitment is required of the parents. While you can give a toddler a few pats, a 12-year-old needs participation in a 30-minute soccer game to get the same effect. This is a challenge for the parents when they are so busy; In addition, the midlife crisis has just started and the other children are still there!

For every child, togetherness with their father is always something special. After all, he thinks and feels differently than his mother. In this love language the child gets to know these two thinking and feeling systems, which will show great advantages for a later partnership.

The Priority List

We know it: you can't have everything in life. You have to prioritize. How important is my life partner? What value do I give to the oldest, middle and youngest child? How can I measure this? With the attention you paid? Perhaps with the willingness to do something for the love tank of my chosen partner and child? Do I know the subject of unconditional love so that I can make more conscious decisions in the interests of my own responsibility and humanity?

I believe I am speaking in favor of the majority when I say that you will get back these investments that you use for your family on a multiplicative basis and thereby help to improve the existence of your own children, which in turn affects their children and their children's children becomes. You are doing something for humanity!

Our undivided attention tells the child: "You are important to me. I like you. I like to play with you. I feel good in your presence." With this the child realizes that they are an important person for you. It feels loved, not only conditionally, but also unconditionally.

The same color of clothes alone does not make a happy family. How are the differences in the family structure shaped? Age and gender are probably the biggest factors. As a parent, can you love all children equally? I claim that it doesn't work. Difficult, intelligent children need more attention. Middle-aged children tend to be neglected. It is important that we do not forget to send a child to bed with a full emotional tank.

Be Together

With this love language it is less important WHAT you do with your child, but HOW and HOW you do it. Over time, a bond will develop, a quality of togetherness that others can only 'wow' about in amazement!

Unfortunately it is the case that in many families the television is missed more than the own father. With this, other forces gain access to their own child's soul. If you look at our society, you can see in which direction it will go: "Love will grow cold in many."

Eye Contact

Our gaze is a powerful means of expressing our love. He builds the bridge from heart to heart. Often parents only have strict eye contact with their children. Too bad. To look at the child with a loving look, without any reference to performance, simply because it is my child, that has a great effect on its soul. The quality of the eye contact indicates the quality of the emotional connection.

Anyone who wants to punish the child for a long time with 'deprivation of eyes' does not know what he is doing. Because children often do not understand the causality of behavior at all, i.e. do not understand why the parents react one way or another, the child is at the mercy and will suffer considerable emotional damage as a result of such punishments. Such behavior will have a greater negative impact on his performance.

Those with happy eyes are pretty. It is a privilege for children when they can grow up with loving eye contact. Children read us through the eyes. If the children's eyes light up, then we have done a good job!

Communication

How about asking the child age-appropriate questions? This works best when it is combined with a common activity such as washing up the kitchen, going on a hike or a walk. Gardening is also an excellent way to personally exchange feelings and thoughts. The bedtime procedure is the best moment for small children.

Such 'man to man' or 'woman to woman' conversations have a positive effect on the child's soul. They convey: My father trusts me. I am important to him. He takes me for full. He loves me.

When the daughter hears from her mother that she used to worry about her appearance, this creates solidarity and the certainty that one's own worth does not depend on external appearances.

If a child learns to communicate in this way, they will be able to cope better with life. The later marriage, friendships and collegiality are positively influenced by this. Tolerance and conflict management are developed in this way.

Children are never too old for trusting conversations

Children love stories, including your personal life story. If it is possible to save the bedtime story in the teenage years, where deeper conversations about the day's events and the emotional wounds suffered create a deep friendship, then this can lay an important basis for decision-making for the challenging time of self-discovery (puberty) at hand. Because in this way young people can bring order to their emotional world and learn to express difficult feelings and also understand that 'being cool' does not always mean the right direction.

During school time there is always the opportunity to help with homework. This is often perceived as a disturbance by parents. It opens up the opportunity, with the silent question, WHY the child does not understand something, to dig deeper into the cause of a problem, which comes closer to a holistic solution.

Do you remember your own mother-daughter conversations? We men can have great conversations with our boys too, but like the women, we usually don't succeed, right?

How Children Recognize This Love Language

Jasmin (8): "My family loves me because we do a lot together. Dad sometimes takes me fishing. Although I don't enjoy it that much, I just enjoy being with him."

Fabian (10): "My mother sure loves me. She comes to every one of my football games and watches. I'm not so sure about Dad. He left us."

Bruno (12): "I know that dad loves me. We don't miss a football game. My mother probably loves me too. But we can't do a lot together because she often doesn't feel good."

Martina (16): "My parents love me. How do I know? I can talk to them about anything. They help me make good decisions."

Our sons need strong fathers who value them, spend time with them, play games, challenge them and stick with them. Our society needs mature men who can make good decisions.

Closing Remarks

This love language is challenging for us parents. It requires clear prioritization and planning, especially for older children. Our social understanding that time is money is in no way confirmed here. Time is invested here, yes, sown. First the children can harvest themselves, then their children and at the latest then it's our turn as parents.

Children are like a garden. The more we sow and plant, the more can be harvested.