To be a parent and thus an educator is a great responsibility and at the same time a great challenge nowadays. Associated with this, however, is a blessing, or should we say an emotional reward, an emotional bond with one's own offspring that cannot actually be surpassed. That is why many married couples still want to have children in this postmodern age.
Education in the Postmodern Era
Older age groups are still consciously aware of how modernity has changed into postmodernism over the past fifty years. The whole of life and with it the social education system has changed. Especially in rich Europe and the USA we are so gifted with goods and variety that it has become great challenges.
Practice early on what you want to become an addiction professional! Be careful with such toys!
Pampering versus Discipline
Our thinking has changed. When it comes to raising children, hardly anyone thinks about the long-term influence of this or that decision or non-decision on the child. Many young married couples let go as much as possible and are happy when everything goes reasonably well.
Saying NO or YES at the right moment has sometimes become an art. (BLOG) Christian parents in particular, who help their children on their way to heaven and want to make them strong for later life, so that they do not learn to live 'in this world' but rather learn principles and beliefs from the heavenly world, are particularly challenged .
Discipline, says the verse in Galatians chapter 5, verses 22-23, is one of the gifts of God if one cultivates one's relationship with Jesus and takes it seriously. So it seems to be a divine principle. Discipline has a lot to do with Emotional Intelligence (BLOG), a topic that is extremely important for a happy life.
Pampering means saying a YES where a NO would have been necessary so that the child learns principles that will strengthen them for adulthood. (BLOG) The other way around, it can happen that important interests and needs of the child are given a NO, where a YES would have enabled support and strengthening.
Sooo sweet! Like the poodles, children can wrap you around their finger. If you as a parent have a tendency to become defenseless, then think about how you can support one another in this.
Here are a few tips that we hope will be applicable to you, dear reader:
1. The Question of Guilt
Many parents are quick to feel guilty that their child is having problems with obedience or social interaction with their peers.
They may blame their genes, or shift the blame to their ancestors, possibly the spouse.
Whatever the child's temperament, there is still plenty of time and opportunities to adapt it to Christian norms. However, when the child has reached puberty, then important principles should have been saved.
Every child has its own personality. That's what makes it unique. Encourage all that will be important to the child in adulthood. For example, dealing with forgiveness, giving, obedience, saying excuses and living, taking responsibility for animals and toys, keeping order, these are topics that should be considered.
2. Borderline Experiences
It is clear that particularly intelligent children always want to explore a topic up to its limit, and often beyond the limit. Children who have strong intrinsic motivation (BLOG) are particularly active in this regard.
What is OK and what is NOK? An OK and NOK conceal important values and principles that will help the child to accept boundaries better, then to understand them and later to live them themselves.
There are children with a strong propensity for power and independence. This actually shows up later as a strength and leads to strong individuality. But here, too, there are limits set by our moral biblical understanding. When power leads to responsibility, that's great. When independence leads to willingness to serve, that's wonderful.
3. Authority and Respect
When parents live in authority among themselves, the wife respects her husband, and the husband really loves his loved one (Eph 5:28), this will have a strong positive influence on the children. Reverence for good rules, respect for fellow human beings and the unknown, acceptance of the unpleasant and appreciation of the beautiful, all of this has its influence on the values of the child.
In puberty, boys and girls look for boundaries that they can cross. Some are very successful at this. Pubescent young people want to redefine themselves, in relation to society and also to the family.
4. Puberty
Many parents fear puberty. If this is prepared a little, then it works out much better. Puberty is characterized by the child's new self-knowledge and sociality, the new perception of society and thus the adaptation of the boundaries to a ‘new world’.
The relationship between father and daughter in particular should be encouraged before puberty. The daughter changes not only emotionally, but also physically. If the father appreciates that and takes pleasure in her, unconditionally, then there is less danger that a boy will take advantage of her insecurity and play his game with her.
In the early twenties, when reality has caught up with the now grown-up children, they will be ünft sensible ’again and mostly very grateful. Grateful for all the barely ascertained boundaries and principles, the value of which they now recognize.
5. Team player
Children like to play in a team. The family is such a team. It is therefore important to encourage this teamwork, to let team happen again and again and not to endanger it through overreacted frustration. Mutual fellowship should become a joy and a wish. Spending time together, maybe even on vacation, is a privilege for everyone.
Playing in a team means accepting and living the values of the team. This strengthens the team spirit. A family as a team is priceless. Our family has experienced this especially through our lived musicality. Various appearances and the production of 7 CDs have welded us together. Today these are wonderful memories of one of the most beautiful family times.
6. Self-discovery
We parents wish the very best for our children. This includes that the child learns to accept himself for what it is and to create something special from it for the environment. Self acceptance is most important. The greatest role models are of course the parents.
If there is constant quarreling and reproaching each other, the fears of children cannot be replaced by love. The social and self-competence suffers. (BLOG)
If, as a father or mother, I am very dissatisfied with myself or my partner, this quickly leads to unwise behavior towards the children. You spontaneously make wrong decisions, need hurtful words and act myopically.
Therefore, every parent is challenged to constantly maintain their own balance; if it doesn't exist, we should look for it immediately. Everyone has their own strategies. For Christians this means to go to JESUS immediately and ask HIM for strength and wisdom and love, which he would like to give us in abundance.
Maintaining quiet time with an interesting book has many positive effects. Being able to switch off and deal with an important topic in literary form is quality of life.
7. Maintain quiet time
In order not to be a victim of this postmodern world and to be swept away by it, it is important to keep reorienting yourself. Christians do this best in the morning and in the evening with a time of devotion with our Lord and Master.
Quiet time is not only important for your own personal competence, but also for social skills (BLOG).
It is in contact with our Creator, among other things. about that he can replace our fears with his overflowing love. This will make us mature and wise and help us to face all the challenges with the children properly.
Perhaps you can still remember the many spray shops. A symbol of rebellion and social discontent. Rebellion always finds its forms of expression. The passive form leads to social withdrawal.
I admire each of you very much, and I hope this blog has helped you fulfill your important responsibility. In these final paragraphs I want two or three final thoughts straight to
The mothers and fathers of very rebellious children.
I am particularly concerned about you.
It is clear that your job is a difficult one and there are times when you feel like throwing in the towel. But keep calm. One day you will look back on this difficult time of conflict and be grateful that you stayed on track - that you continued to do the right thing for your children, which God gave you for a period of time.
This era will pass so quickly and the present pressures will seem insignificant. What will then be important to you are the loving relationships you have built with your family, even if other parents have run away or buried themselves in work. But you have the knowledge and the conviction that you have accepted your responsibility and raised the children to be children of God.
Therefore, I hope that you will resist the temptation to feel deprived because of your son or daughter's difficult temper. You are not alone. A previous survey of 3,000 parents found that 85 percent of families had at least one strong-willed child. So you are no exception. That's human nature. Most of us who have raised two or more children have gone through some of the same stresses that you experience.
We survived and so will you. It's great that you don't give up and stick with it.
What is good for rebellious children is experiencing interesting stories with mom and / or dad. Shared experiences mean: I love you. Therefore, focused attention is a cure and miracle cure for all children.
Perhaps one last IMPORTANT tip at the end:
CONCENTRATED ATTENTION
By observing and asking why, you can get closer to the inner needs of your rebellious child. There are always reasons for such behavior. Maybe it struggles to accept its siblings, ie. it doesn't feel loved enough.
This love can be nurtured through focused attention. Take this child and spend maybe 10-15 minutes a day with them all alone. Nobody should disturb you. You are looking for eye contact and maintain your inner posture using moments and a voice that say:
I LIKE YOU, I LOVE YOU.
This method is particularly advantageous for fathers, because they are often away all day. As a teacher, I have to say that where fathers do this to their children, they suddenly perform better at school too. Sure, performance is not the most important thing, but what matters is that the child begins to heal from the inside out and also behaves more socially competent. It will be eternally grateful to you.
