Fear is our constant companion in life. Some have more, some less. Sometimes it would be nice to be able to look behind the scenes and find out how to better deal with it. There are various strategies to choose from. This week we will hear one woman’s story of what she experienced, how she looked her fear in the face and freed herself from it.
Truth Be Told . . .
Most people negate their fear. It’s almost taboo to say, “I’m afraid!” While men can rarely afford to admit it, women are more likely to get away with it. True?
Fear is the main ingredient in every underlying problem we have, but the effects thereof are expressed in many different ways. A perfectionist who is afraid of not receiving enough recognition tends to be insecure, reclusive and quick to criticize. All our fears influence our thoughts, feelings and actions.
The following is an example of how one woman faced her fear and dealt constructively with it:
Stephanie – Facing Fear
Stephanie* writes:
I have a strong tendency to overreact. Sometimes I get furious and then realize there is no real reason for it. Then I ask myself why I am so afraid. Where does all this fear come from?
For a long time, I always panicked at the first sign of sickness. I pictured myself in the hospital undergoing the worst treatments possible. I was always puzzled by this phenomenon until I began to research my childhood. There I found many interesting explanations:
Locked up and alone, lying on a mattress surrounded by shiny metal bars. Crying is useless. I am evidently sick and at the mercy of the hospital where I am being treated – just four years old, a little girl with scarlet fever in quarantine.
Once in awhile a nurse comes by and tries to comfort me. My thoughts are racing. ‘They have forgotten me!’ ‘Where is my mama?’ ‘Where is my daddy?’ ‘Where are my brothers?’
Suddenly I see something moving behind the big window. Someone is knocking on the window. Then I see my mother smiling with a dolly in her hands. I smile. She cannot come in. She gives the dolly to the nurse, who brings it to me. I hold the dolly in my arms and think to myself, ‘They haven’t forgotten me. My mama is here. She will take me home when I am well.’
Sick children give parents a good opportunity to show them tender loving care. However, this should not be the only time children experience this tenderness. Otherwise, they will get sick often, even as adults. After all, who doesn’t like to be cared for?
Forever Fearful
This experience burned a memory deep in my heart. This is the well from which my colossal fear springs whenever I feel the slightest indication that I might get sick. It’s a program I go through again and again – my fear program.
Then I started to feel how this fear made me lonely and cut me off from others. Even as an adult, fear was my constant companion, especially when I was physically drained.
Longing for Freedom
At some point I realized that all my fears and longings were somehow connected to my childhood and that I should take responsibility for my fears. I recognized that I could decide for myself what to do with them. So I began to write them down. In this way, I relived my childhood through the eyes of an adult. I was suddenly overcome with rage. ‘Why did my mother let that happen? She abandoned me!’
In order to shed more light on the subject, I decided to talk to my mother about it. That way I was able to see things through her eyes. It helped me to be able to forgive her.
Let’s not pass up opportunities to speak to our parents about important things. Looking into the past together, seeing things with adult eyes and working them out are vital steps in our path toward emotional health and healing. The truth truly does make you free!
4 Steps in the Right Direction
My fears have not completely disappeared, but I have found 4 STEPS that help me.
1. Recognize Fear
I have become sensitive to my feelings of fear and am immediately aware of them when they arise. 'Aha! My fear has returned!' If my husband is nearby, I tell him right then. 'I’m afraid!' I say it out loud so I can look it straight in the face. It is so interesting how this small step causes fear to lose its grip on me.
2. Name That Fear
Then I give my fear a name, sometimes an ugly one, sometimes and sweet one. This enables me to look at it from a distance and address it.
3. ‘Just Keep Swimming’
It makes no sense at all for me to sit down and wallow in my fear. No! I make a decision to take action. It could be a walk in the woods, a phone call to a friend, reading a chapter in the life of Jesus or writing an email.
It seems important to me to replace my fears with something nice, something good, something loving.
4. Reflection
I recognize and experience fear as a separation from God, but as soon as I get closer to Him, fear vanishes. Prayer is a very helpful tool in this process. I talk to God like I talk to a friend, and He often reminds me of one of His messages to me. For example, ‘Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened and I will give you rest.’ Matthew 11:28
Over the years, I have discovered that our Creator God is much stronger than any fear. I am very grateful for this insight. Peace.
It is highly interesting to see what happens to people who let God’s Word and prayer give them strength! For many, it is the most important means of banishing fear and worry. It really works!
* The name was changed and the story was adapted from the magazine Lydia 2014-1.
To be continued
