All the stops are pulled when it comes to choosing a partner. Much happens unconsciously. It is not always wise. Getting married is something great that needs to be well prepared and considered. To what extent do we fit together, to what extent are challenges to be expected. Important questions to ask yourself.
Six blogs on this topic have already appeared. Here are the links:
4T-Overview 4T-Sanguin 4T-Melancholic 4T-Phlegmatic 4T-Choleric 4T-Family
General
Probably one or the other reader recognized himself in one or more of the four types. You noticed: I don't really fit in with any of these guys. Right ? How come
The solidified properties appear again and again. But it can happen that a melancholic can laugh heartily, a phlegmatic is fluffy, a choleric is lazy and a sanguine has not forgotten something. But such behavior is rarely observed. In addition, the quirks have been formulated strongly in these blogs. But they also occur in stages.
The 'pure' temperaments are rather rare. We are mostly mixed types, some is from the mother, one from the father, etc.
Our body speaks !
Interestingly, temperament can also reveal its influence on the body. The melancholic and choleric consume a lot of energy and tend to stay thin, while the connoisseurs sanguine and phlegmatic tend to attract attention with their excess weight.
The right choice of words
Since we all have certain proportions of each temperament, we shouldn't really speak of 'types'. When we see someone act sanguine, they are not necessarily sanguine. So we should be careful with: "This is a." it is better to say or think: "He's just acting like one."
Understand and respect
When we understand and respect the differences in temperaments, it takes the social pressure off our interpersonal relationships. We can enjoy the peculiarities better and better and react positively to them. And when we promote strengths and help minimize weaknesses, then we are doing something valuable.
The choice of partner shouldn't just be pure romance. This choice is a grave, one-off choice if it is to be approached responsibly. To find the best match, the first thing to do is to know yourself well. Sorry, that sounds a bit old-fashioned, but it works.
Selecting Your Spouse
For most of them, it is difficult to explain why they married this or that person. Things only become clearer in retrospect. Maybe it was the mother or father system that you married. Or maybe it was a match for temperament.
Terri and I took the temperament test after 2 years of marriage. That totally opened our eyes to us. We realized why we often react in one way and not in another. It took some of the stress out of the relationship. We started to enjoy each other even better.
Over the years I have noticed the following:Melancholic tendencies are drawn to happy sanguine people
Phlegmatics with a tendency to feel comfortable with active cholerics.
It is rare to find two melancholic tendencies together. Especially not two phlegmatic people, because someone has to wash the dishes. You hardly ever meet two sanguine people either, since you need a listener and you can't both speak at the same time.
The balance in a marriage is created in that the weaker temperament part adapts to the marital needs and thus a balance is created. A married couple, for example, needs to have some finances under control. If there is no melancholy talent who can handle details well, then the one who is most suitable for it or who cannot say no to it does it. This also develops this gift in this marriage; it can even become a strength.
Opposites Attract Each Other
The always-happy is amazed at the thoughtful. When he then hears his words and realizes how intelligent they are, then that fascinates him.
When the slow thinker sees how quickly the other can make decisions, and good ones at that, it is fascinating.
When the introvert notices how the extroverts simply step into life positively and trustingly, then that attracts.
If the connoisseur sees someone making beautiful music, he notices it.
When the silent observer and analyst hears someone tell exciting stories, it is impressive.
When one nervous person sees the other approaching life's challenges with total serenity, it makes a good impression.
. That has a good influence on the choice of partner.
The tension between being like-minded and being complementary is challenging. Same hobbies, same worldview, same culture, same belief, same strengths and weaknesses. ??? How good is that?
Similarities are important
In the dating agency business, it has been noticed that not only opposites, but also similarities are important. A life should be lived together. For this it is necessary to recognize the 'system', the 'program', the 'potential' of the partner. How does he / she work? How not ? On what premises was his life programmed? How did the parental home work? Recognizing and understanding values and convictions and largely being able to say yes to them seems important to me. That gives a strong foundation and creates potential for a happy future.
Understanding Your Spouse
Understanding requires knowledge
Those who know their strengths and weaknesses can orientate themselves accordingly. Anyone who knows this from their partner can do the same. Even if knowing the temperament tendencies does not finally answer the questions about why, this knowledge is sufficient to continue constructively with the relationship.
Ignorance does not protect against errors. To be wise, you need knowledge that, when placed in a reasonable context, contributes to mutual understanding and thus promotes satisfaction, gratitude and feelings of happiness.
Yes, she is the queen of hearts, he is the king of hearts! Do you like this 'game'? The rules of love are known, you play with transparent cards and then the surprise: Both are the winners! A game together !!
Duet instead of duel
If we know the inner connections and regularities, then a duet is much more likely. There are couples who are completely focused on a duel. What a pity. In doing so, they are giving away a chance to make something mature and wise out of their own and that of the other.
Openness and honesty make love grow. Likewise, mutual respect and not wanting to hurt are an important basis for being happy. "If you are giving and you feel hurt, then maybe you are giving to take." It says:
"If we weren't so self-centered, most problems could be solved in five minutes." EW119
Especially when children come, the maturity of the ability to love pays off twice, three times. Doing your homework here rewards the youngsters and their offspring and __
The following Bible verse appealed to me very much:
"He who loves his wife loves himself." Eph 5:28.
This verse made me think a lot. So if I'm at peace with myself, then I tend to be in the plus area with my wife too. But when I duel it means that I have a problem with myself. That realization hit me. Then I tried to see if that was true. Indeed, every time I've been impatient with Terri, I've recognized my own deficits that, once resolved, instantly changed my attitude towards Terri. Try it too. The verse also applies to women.
Summary
Our handling of our temperaments is not only a gift but also a task. If you want to make something of your life, you don't just let yourself be pushed through life, but take the initiative to advance, to mature, to grow up. While many avoid this maturation process, perhaps out of fear or convenience, there are still some who have come to realize the value of their lives. It's a gift, and with God's help, something wonderful can be made of it. I wish you that from the bottom of my heart.
This concludes this subject of temperaments. I hope you could benefit from it. Kind regards from Ebnat-Kappel, Switzerland.
