Emotional intelligence is perhaps most powerful in marriage and family. Investing there has always been worthwhile. There is nothing like a happy family. Home Sweet Home. (Picture: 1996 in front of our 'new' house)
Hopefully you, dear reader, have been able to read the previous two blogs on the topic.
EQ1 (definition) and EQ2 (areas of life)
In this blog we want to address two important points that help you to improve the quality of your relationships.
Basics of change management
If you see something that needs to be changed, then you are well on your way.
In order to integrate a change, however, in addition to motivation, there must also be a certain willpower, sometimes a willingness to train.
You can approach changes stupidly or cleverly. E.g.
Attaching new things to old habits usually promises success.
Attach automatic reminder symbols in good view.
Bad habits shouldn't just be given up; they should be replaced with good ones. This redirects the brain waves .
If there are two of you, a team, the chances of success also increase.
As a reminder: The five areas of social life:
MARRIAGE u FAMILY (mutual understanding based on self-image)
PROFESSION (dealing with colleagues, subordinates, with the boss, motivation)
HEALTH (healthy lifestyle promotes frontal lobe development)
ENVIRONMENT (privacy, public and society can see added value)
SPIRITUALITY (understanding and dealing with belief in a postmodern context)
General
Let's not forget: The goal of EQ is more mature relationships, life balance and higher social competence. And that means being happy. There are some disruptive factors that you have probably already had experience with and of which one should be aware. You want to prevent success:
PRIDE - Where there is pride, there are problems. It attracts anger, makes unnecessary noise and demands more than is good. It should be replaced more and more with HUMILITY, which is a courage to do less, a courage to be collectively, instead of obstinacy, a courage to work for the happiness of others.
Pride is well established in our society. We hardly notice the sacrifices that have to be made. Many families perish because of it. If everyone says, "I want, I want" then the stronger one will win and there will always be losers. Does it have to?
PLEASURE - What we feel like, that is what we want. Sometimes regardless of all circumstances. It is dangerous when it comes to making sensible decisions. It is based on feelings, on the gain in pleasure, instead of rational arguments.
Who can resist Swiss chocolate? Can you do this? Great. We are so trained and trimmed for consumption that many get lost in the neurological pleasure center. When it comes to pleasurable eating, there are no good enough reasons against it. But it can also be something good AND healthy. If you don't care about healthy food, you have to settle the bill at some point.
POWER - Once you get used to power and influence, you don't want to give it up anymore. A change where authority or the right to influence is given up can result in strong resistance. This is sometimes particularly evident in families.
Winning is in. That's what it's all about. Be stronger and better than the others. Dominant and superior win the competition. Then we can be proud. How healthy is this for our family relationships? Could it be that we will become competitors? That would be a shame.
A. Marriage
A tip for each of the five EQ components:
Self-awareness: Take your time once a day - preferably in the evening - and think about how you communicated with your partner today. Have you been a stressor or a calm pole? Give yourself a rating of 1-10, with 10 being optimal. Write this number down and schedule a rendez-vous with your partner once a week. After a month, a month may be enough.
Self-control: Pick a moment that you don't want to let happen anymore, where your temper has gone too far. You plan this moment so well that you will see a better result next time. Do this on the same day once a week.
Self-motivation: Find a way where you can surprise your partner. Positive of course! If you can do it once a day, then you are already a master. Once a week would be desirable. But don't stop after a month!
Empathy: At some point, your partner will need you to listen carefully to him / her. Don't miss this moment. Internally, work on your attitude towards being a good listener.
Social skills: There is at least one opportunity to organize something social at least once a month. This can be for the whole family, but it can be safe for your partner. Show initiative, your organizational talent and commitment. It will be worth it.
There is a lot to talk about in a marriage. If we do this hand in hand, the result is accordingly. Taking walks together is beneficial. The ladies like it. My lady even loves it. Why not Invite your lady for a walk?
B. Family
SE: Think about your role in your family. Are you satisfied with it? Is your authority built up enough? Do you feel loved, do you love all of your members so that everyone really feels loved too? (see love languages)
SK: Are there moments when your pacifier bursts? Where do uncontrolled actions or reactions occur? Analyze these events objectively and decide how there are better, more constructive options. Often we are not even aware of the reaction potential.
SM: Maybe you already have a family conference. It could take place on Friday evenings. There it is about making a conclusion about the past week, then discussing the current weekend and finally addressing neuralgic and other important points of the coming week. The children really appreciate that. Your EQ is so wonderfully promoted.
They learn to communicate their concerns, problems and questions,
to be taken seriously and
to show consideration for others.
For you as a parent, it would be a matter of tackling this challenge with motivation,to have good suggestions ready
To make target agreements and
manage control over it.
A family that grows together grows together. The collective interests are taken into account, democratic understanding is trained, communication and objectives are developed. Shared experiences form the treasure for the future.
4. EM: When it comes to empathic action in the family circle, what you already use in marriage can also be used here. Namely empathize with the children, want to understand their world - they are constantly changing, so this is a constant challenge for the parents - and to integrate the family principles into a comfortable family life with wise answers or guidelines.
You may be familiar with the phrase ACTIVE LISTENING. This is an important art in communication. When children experience it, they will later be able to communicate accordingly themselves.
It still seems important to me that you, as parents, turn a <NO> into a <YES, well, then stop> - except for exceptions. Should one of the children - often the youngest - like to use escalation methods, then they can have this replaced together with adapted behavior. You can do it together as a parenting team. The child has no chance on its own.
5. SoK: How is social competence shown in the family circle?
Assuming responsibility is certainly part of it.
Chairing the family conference,
Take the initiative to plan your vacation together,
organizing excursions,
help to achieve common goals.
These components are so important to a family that the children will be forever grateful to you. Puberty will be different.
Those who invest their energy and priorities in the family will benefit for their entire life. Children who grow up in such an environment will thank you for life.
How about a family trip or vacation together? With each other - for each other - with each other.
Decide on a few suggestions, preferably as a team. Don't let anything distract you from it. Don't give up so easily. Encourage each other.
Terri and I wish you every success.
Meet you in the next blog. :-)
