Conflict in marriage is inevitable. What is important, however, is how we deal with them. Most can improve on that. And it's worth it, because it increases the quality of life sometimes considerably !!
1. How do Misunderstandings Arise?
How easy it is to have expectations of your partner that unfortunately cannot be met and can lead to considerable tension!
The mother is at home all day taking care of the children and the household. Of course she is happy when her husband finally comes home, because now she can take a rest. Or?
Well, the husband was very tough, drove home from his work ‘dead tired’ and is now looking forward to finally lying on the sofa and relaxing with an entertaining film.
This game ’is repeated x times, until one of the two finally turns this topic into a point of discussion and both begin to deal with the other's situation and not to sit on their own limited expectations.
Physical injuries heal faster than emotional ones. Men in particular are advised to be careful with their words. When a woman realizes that her husband is making a wall, she knows that her words are to be chosen extremely carefully.
Important questions:
What should my partner know so that he can understand me?
How should I express myself so that we can be close to each other?
Bad marriages are full of different expectations. Friction and stress arise where these different views collide. Marriage counseling should identify these different perspectives and expectations and work through them in search of compromises and harmony.
Often times we say words in one tone without wanting to take responsibility for them. We feel overwhelmed for that. The partner should learn to deal with it. For many HSPs (LINK) are particularly sensitive and should deal with this topic. It would be worthwhile.
2. What is behind a lot of Hostilities?
Feelings of anger are usually not motivated by malice or vindictiveness, but rather by a feeling of being wronged. Being internally wounded often leads to anger and resentment, which can lead to destructive words between husbands and wives.
A couple in the middle of a 'battle':
She screams insults at him and he hurls the meanest expressions back. Your basic problem is not anger. They were both hurt by each other's behavior. The accusations they throw back and forth are merely responses to the pain inside. Unfortunately, their words tend to deepen the original wounds and aggravate the pain. A vicious circle is created!
TIP: This cycle could be broken if one of the participants had the courage to speak about their own pain (“Honey. I have a problem”) instead of increasing the partner's anger.
"Honey, I spent three hours in the kitchen. You didn't call to tell me you'd be late. It hurt my feelings and gave me the impression that you don't value me and my work and respect me enough. "
Such a message, put on a factual level, has a good chance of not hurting the partner. But when words like "irresponsible, loveless, heartless and just like your mother" are used, conflict is inevitable. Using wise words in difficult situations can help reduce animosity during disagreements.
Knowing it or not, there is always an injured person behind hostility and bad words. If we were in balance, we could find much better and encouraging words that would support our relationships constructively.
A happy couple knows how to communicate well even under difficult circumstances. You are considerate of your partner's feelings. Even if mistakes happen sometimes, they use them to make something constructive out of them, to draw benefits from them for the future. Bravo!
3. Excessive Engagement is an Adversary
Fatigue and time pressures undermine even the healthiest marriages. How can men and women communicate with each other when they are overtired and exhausted from work to be able to talk sensibly at all?
How can they enjoy their time together and their sex life when at the end of each day they are totally exhausted? How can they "date", go for a walk or sit by the fire when faced with the tyranny of a never-ending "to-do" list?
A site analysis may very well lead us to admit that my lack of discipline in my life can lead to my negligence creating a chain reaction of negative emotions: irritability, self-pity, irritability, selfishness, and withdrawal.
Few marriages can survive a long-term dose of this bitter medicine, so be careful and seek solutions early on.
Taking time for each other, doing something together, moving towards each other, looking for common ground - just be happy about your partner and think, feel and act for him - what potential is there!
